I’ve been with my partner for almost 12 years and idk if we should be together after last night.
My partner went out for the afternoon/evening with a friend and got pretty drunk when he came home. I was at my bar job all day, and without ever receiving notice that he was out, I went home and did something for myself like going on a short run to end the day and then catch up on my much overdue library book while doing the usual routine checking in on him. I was okay with this because my partner is enjoying some much needed time off after selling his business and I knew he was Ubering around and could track him on the Find My iPhone app if needed.
Partner comes home, he’s drunk (obviously), says shit a million times, passes out, wakes up 20 minutes later to ramble again, passes out for 20 min, etc. while I’m making sure he’s drinking water filled with Liquid IV which is pretty normal. I was awake, sober, trying to read but ended up not because my partner was rambling conversation at me, so I tried to watch a movie instead. At some point my partner is laying next to me, just pressing my buttons a bit cause he’s rubbing and squeezing my body which is also normal but when he’s drunk his mega-bionic super strength kicks in and it fucking hurts. I told him multiple times to stop, but his drunk ass was getting mean. He then tried to wipe his snot on my face, so I literally smacked his hand away only for him to put his other hand on my fucking neck and was choking me. I thought it was a joke a first but he kept doing it to where I panicked and literally smacked his face to let go. I immediately left and ran to the bathroom in fucking tears. I went to bed after, and we slept in separate rooms.
I’ve kept my space all day today. No talk, no text, no nothing. After coming home from a long shift at my bar job, he’s in the living room just dicking around on his phone. We’re suppose to go on a little trip this week starting tomorrow so I asked him what time would he like to leave. Barely looks at me and just says “Idk.” being standoffish.
So finally, I confront him about last night, asked if he remembered what happened. He did. I asked if he was sorry. He mumbled that he said sorry after he did what he did which was hard to fucking remember tbh since I was freaked out. I asked if he actually gave a shit but he just rolled his eyes, still glued to his fucking phone saying Jesus Christ like I’m overreacting.
What the actual fuck? Am I fucking crazy? Am I in the fucking wrong here? I genuinely anticipated a chill and nice night with my partner after work only to fucking get this instead because I had NO CLUE he was going out in the first place and he got pissy when I didnt drive out to fucking get him when he was out. Like wtf do I do? I have literally no friends to talk to about this and my parents are honestly pointless to go and talk to.
Comments
I think it should be over. What happens if he gets drunk and decides he’s not going to let go next time
You’re not crazy or wrong. His behavior, especially choking you and ignoring your feelings, is unacceptable. You deserve respect and safety. Consider reaching out to someone you trust or a counselor to support you. Your well-being comes first.
If you genuinely don’t feel safe, you should leave. He does not sound remorseful and almost like he has some pent up rage. Perhaps your life would be better without him. It is one of those things you have to assess. It doesn’t sound like communication is good.
You are literally going to end up dead if you stay. Google stats about this. You need to leave girl. I’m sorry this is happening to you.
Also it’s interesting you don’t have friends. Is your partner isolating you from other people too?
It’s okay to feel confused and unsure about what to do next. Twelve years is a long time and walking away from that isn’t easy. But what matters most is how safe, valued and respected you feel and right now, it sounds like you’re not getting any of that from him.
If your partner tries to strangle you, you are roughly 7 times more likely to be murdered by them in the future. It’s a huge predictor of intimate partner homicide. Time to go.
Leave let him go on vacation himself leave while he’s gone he’s an abuser of you of alcohol and of respect leave before he really hurts you
Leave him. He didn’t care and he probably won’t care to stop in the future
12 years is a long time for this to just come out of nowhere
He sounds like a horrible and potentially dangerous drunk. I’d have second thoughts. Then third thoughts.
He is not your safe space anymore. I can’t see either of you getting past this without therapy. But you both have to want to work on this. If either you or he doesn’t want to commit to this path, then there’s your answer.
He wants you gone. Best it is on your terms.
His lack of remorse tells you all you need to know…