I guess I should start off with saying he doesn’t physically abuse me. Its mostly just name calling and putting me down, calling me fat and whatnot. Basically we’ve been fighting alot by him saying im messy and I complain too much about being home with the baby while he works. Im a first time mom its kimd of hard being on call 24/7. Im also 27 years old an he is 30. We just had a big argument and i wanted to leave. He was yelling and screaming but so was i. I guess I just want to know if it’s okay to go to a dv shelter to get away and get on my own 2 feet.
Idk if im getting abused or not.
r/Advice
Comments
Yes. Emotional abuse is abuse.
This is not someone who is soothing you through this new, transitional time (becoming a parent). Adding pressure & being cruel to a new mother, who just gave life to his child, is abusive behaviour.
I’m sorry for you, but there’s only one thing worse than staying with a toxic partner – it’s staying with a toxic partner plus one day, or two days, or three.
Get yourself and child to a safe space to heal, grow and learn safely.
Without a doubt yes you are being severely abused!!!
If you’re asking, it’s probably abuse. If you’re yelling and name calling then you might be abusive to him too, but that doesn’t make what he is doing okay. Trust your gut.
Yes, that’s definitely abuse! Your partner shouldn’t intentionally put you down or hurt you.
It is always always okay to get away. This is verbal abuse and qualifies as domestic violence. If you have a shelter available I would get in touch with them and see if you can get in with your baby.
OP, emotional abuse is still abuse. You’re not overreacting being insulted and yelled at while raising a newborn is not okay. It’s more than okay to leave and find safety. You deserve peace, not punishment.
Yes, physical abuse is not the only type of abuse. This is mental and emotional abuse. Get out now before it gets worse
You could say it is but you give as good as you get. You are the one choosing be fully dependant on him. Your relationship shouldn’t be like this. Try communicate but he holds all the power.
Yes go to a shelter. Mental abuse can and almost always turns violent physically . You don’t deserve that
Tjis is anuse. Leave with your child
Since you are asking this question, I’m thinking that your own intuition knows the answer.
Yes, this is absolutely abuse. Yes, it takes 2 to argue, but I’m guessing that you are dealing with the challenge of doing everything at home while dealing with a baby. This sounds more like you are hurt and trying to defend yourself.
Honestly, you partner should adore you and you should adore your partner…. you both should adore the baby or children as one family unit. Sure, we may have our ups and downs and challenges, but its not ok to call our partner hurtful names. This is the type of abuse that can really damage one’s self respect and self love. This type of trauma can certainly carry over into other partnerships with damaging effects and painful trust issues.
On top of all that, trust me when I say that this can harm the baby in a huge way.the first 6-7 years of a babies life are the most crucial to their happiness and success in life, trust and relationships. It will affect the partner they choose later.
There’s so much more I could say, but honestly, as hard as it seems, leaving and getting some outside help until you can provide for you and the baby is very likely your best choice. Please don’t argue around the baby, nor allow those mean words he calls you to be heard by the baby.
If you take a big leap now, you will open yourself up to many other possibilities that you otherwise would miss by staying in an abusive relationship.
You and your baby deserve far better than that.
If you felt compelled to even ask that question, the answer is YES.
Verbal (Mental) abuse is real and you’re not wrong for wanting to get out of there.
Leave now, don’t let him verbally beat you into submission.
Not sure if you qualify for a women’s shelter but leave him any way you can.
Yes, it is emotional abuse. It’s not going to get better unless you both get counseling. My guess is that he’d refuse.
Take a break with family for a week and agree to come back together civilly. As long as he isn’t physical. People will tell you to “leave”, but remember, in all relationships in the world about 67% have arguments. You’re not the only one who has screaming matches with their partner. It shouldn’t get to that point ever, so if it does, space and mental help is needed. Family therapy will be amazing. Be careful what advice you listen to. I thought my partner was being abusive but I came to find out we both were. And now we are both getting therapy living separately, in the hopes we can move back in again and it’ll be better. I have hopes things will get better for you. Remember, prayers always work.
Yes. Emotionally you are being abused.
“Its mostly just name calling and putting me down, calling me fat and whatnot”
Yes, that’s abuse.
OP, and anyone who reads this, please get out. Take your kid and get out. Shelter , family , friends, whatever you have to do. Emotional abuse is abuse and it’s just as awful as physical. I know. It’s horrid and does horrible things to your self esteem and it will take years and I mean years to get back to where you were before you were ensnared by this horrible person. You were enough. You will be okay. You will get through this. You have to leave. It will be hard, scary and emotionally exhausting. I know that will be hard with a baby. But please don’t let this go on. It will only get worse and the longer it goes on the longer you will stay. The more you’ll start to think you deserve this. (You don’t ) and then…they move on to the kids. They belittle them and don’t value their feelings , push them into things they don’t want to do (fishing or sports or whatever ). They make them quiet and dim their light and curiosity of the world. One day , you wake up and realize the laughter is gone from the house and you try to remember when you last heard it…and then you’ll try. You’ll try to be silly …make cookies and spill flour and get a giggle from your kid…and then the door will open…and the kids will look frightened and you’ll rush to clean while putting on a fake smile and everything is okay voice. But your kids will know…believe me as much as you try to shield them …they’ll know. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Please get out.
I would say therapy but …I’m cynical…but if you really want to stay if there is love and you want to try …he has to do the work. And go to therapy with you. But if you really are questioning this , I think you know what you have to do. Also please get therapy for yourself.