The tree is gonna get chopped down — unless we’re going to go with a bird and somebody might get pecked or something. I don’t know. And then the Duck might lose interest and just fly away and get out of there, which may be good advice under the circumstances. The Husky, no chance. The beaver, we’ll see how long that beaver can hold his breath. The Ute, again we’re back to is he on horseback? Does he have a bow and arrow? Did he trade for a rifle? I mean, you know, because if the Ute’s got a rifle, there’s some definite problems.
And you’d have to get one of those Harry Potter activists to read up on how you kill a Sun Devil because there’s a lot of outside stuff there. Just as far as a beast alone, a buffalo’s going to be pretty hard to tangle with. I mean, a buffalo’s utterly outstanding. Did I leave any of them out?
Like the conceptual mascot, or like the mascot on the sidelines?
If it’s the latter, I think USC’s horse riding sword guy could fuck up all the guys running around with big fuzzy heads. Bevo could kick some ass if live mascots count.
Yellow Jacket hives regularly survive hurricanes, and I’m not sure there’s any mascot that could endure a sustained attack from a sufficiently-large hive.
How do you define a fight? Because Purdue has a train for a mascot so good luck against that thing. Not to mention that if this turns into a tag team event, we got Purdue Pete with his bottomless pit of a stare for a substitute.
If you’re counting the mascot itself I think it would be UAB cause dragons. But if you’re counting it as the concept like Alabama Crimson Tide or Miami Hurricanes then it is undoubtedly Stanford. The hurricanes and other weather patterns will always destroy the other mascots but don’t last forever. The hurricane will die out. The tide will become low. The wave will hit the shore. But Stanford is the color Cardinal. It can never be killed or die out and so wins by default.
Once again Stanford proves themselves as geniuses.
I feel like we’ve done this many times before. Purdue is a goddamn train, and Miami is in a league of it’s own with a Hurricane. I think all others are a tier below.
Comments
I mean a Hurricane is going to flatten any animal or historical archetype.
Until some NCAA team names itself the Black Holes or the Solar Flares or the False Vacuums.
As a Husky fan, the rivalry runs deep enough to ruin Thanksgiving dinners.
The Providence Friar…fucking horrifying. I wouldn’t go head-to-head with that, nothing would.
RIP Mike Leach 🙏
If I had to pick, Sun Devils.
Finally, a fun question.
I don’t fuckin’ have an answer, because I couldn’t confidently name even a single college mascot, but it’s nice that it feels like you have a soul.
The commanders.
I think all the Tigers 🐅 would form a nice pack. Would certainly eat all the birds and turtles.
The Fighting Irish Leprechaun. Duh. It’s in the name.
The mountaineer has a musket and knows the hills
Bruins.
Iowa State cyclones
The tree is gonna get chopped down — unless we’re going to go with a bird and somebody might get pecked or something. I don’t know. And then the Duck might lose interest and just fly away and get out of there, which may be good advice under the circumstances. The Husky, no chance. The beaver, we’ll see how long that beaver can hold his breath. The Ute, again we’re back to is he on horseback? Does he have a bow and arrow? Did he trade for a rifle? I mean, you know, because if the Ute’s got a rifle, there’s some definite problems.
And you’d have to get one of those Harry Potter activists to read up on how you kill a Sun Devil because there’s a lot of outside stuff there. Just as far as a beast alone, a buffalo’s going to be pretty hard to tangle with. I mean, a buffalo’s utterly outstanding. Did I leave any of them out?
Does the University of Alabama get elephants or an actual Crimson Tide?
Demon Deacons – come on a possessed preacher is scary af
Well, if we are doing animals, the University of Montana Grizzles would stand a fair chance.
I mean UAB has a Dragon so that’s tough to top
Drexel is the dragons.
Among actual living things, it’s probably up there.
The Mountaineer has a gun
Like the conceptual mascot, or like the mascot on the sidelines?
If it’s the latter, I think USC’s horse riding sword guy could fuck up all the guys running around with big fuzzy heads. Bevo could kick some ass if live mascots count.
One of the tigers.
Not UC Santa Cruz, that’s for damn sure.
Yellow Jacket hives regularly survive hurricanes, and I’m not sure there’s any mascot that could endure a sustained attack from a sufficiently-large hive.
Relevant Jon Bois
Terrapin. Slow and steady wins the race.
I know the Badger won’t win, but it’s gonna do a lot of damage before it loses.
Syracuse University’s Otto the Orange.
Sure, he may look like a cute little piece of fruit, but no one real knows the destructive power of a sentient Orange.
Golden Bear!!
If it’s actual animal mascots that exist by teams, Baylor has two live black bears on campus, so that’s gonna be hard to beat.
I may be a Badger, but I’d have to say Michigan for the win. Wolverines are badass.
UC Santa Cruz – the Banana Slugs. They would just slime the opponents.
Buckeyes are poisonous
Not football, but based on this video, the Alaska Nanooks would destroy everyone else, even the hurricanes and cyclones.
https://youtu.be/K9cYcRotufU?si=Gvu6qrVyTtADzTtX
Kingsley
Michigan State?
Wolverines. Pound for pound they are fucking ferocious.
Hear me out…
Have you ever seen an angry corn husker?
Have you ever seen how stalwart a Golden Gopher is????
No one is mentioning the Florida Gators.
Well, to be fair, there’s only one mascot in NCAA history that has LITERALLY killed another mascot. Don’t count out the SMU mustang.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peruna
How do you define a fight? Because Purdue has a train for a mascot so good luck against that thing. Not to mention that if this turns into a tag team event, we got Purdue Pete with his bottomless pit of a stare for a substitute.
Tree
Whatever the thing is that WKU has as their mascot.
No way our mythical half man half wildcat doesn’t fuck all your shit up! Flare = Kansas State Wildcats
Seminoles are technically still unconquered. They eat Gators and live through hurricanes routinely. They have the largest cattle herd in the nation.
They are clearly the winner
Does a duck stand a chance? Fuck no
Am I going to pick it anyway? Fuck yes
West Virginia Mountaineer. He has an actual gun and isn’t wearing some crazy foam outfit that you can’t see out of.
Sparty
Don’t the long horns use an actual bull? No person in a costume is fucking with an actual bull.
I submit one nightmare fuel Tree
If you’re counting the mascot itself I think it would be UAB cause dragons. But if you’re counting it as the concept like Alabama Crimson Tide or Miami Hurricanes then it is undoubtedly Stanford. The hurricanes and other weather patterns will always destroy the other mascots but don’t last forever. The hurricane will die out. The tide will become low. The wave will hit the shore. But Stanford is the color Cardinal. It can never be killed or die out and so wins by default.
Once again Stanford proves themselves as geniuses.
Western Kentucky. Big Red will consume all who stand before him. His gelatinous flesh will digest you slowly. All Hail Blob!!!
NAVY. Midshipmen. I think a US naval fleet could take on a tiger or dog or even a dragon tbh.
Not Ohio State.
WKU Big Red.
I don’t think we know enough about that thing. That things power is could be anywhere from magicarp level to god level
How much whiskey does the Leprecaun have access to?
I’m thinking UAB. It’s a freaking dragon. A dragon!
The Purdue Boilermakers would win. Purdue Pete has no soul. Look at those soulless eyes!! 😅
Purdue’s official mascot is a steam locomotive
Duke is the Blue Devils right? Surely the Devil has other worldy powers that would make easy work of any mortal creature
I’d like to see anyone go toe to toe with an Evergreen State Geoduck.
I’m going with Monty Montezuma and the Aztecs. He’s got a spear and he knows how to use it!
WSU Cougs – no contest
A man sized alligator with thumbs and a giant set of teeth and jaws they’ll be in the running every year
Georgia Tech – 7ft tall fucking Yellowjacket, I’d rather light myself on fire.
Plus, when was the last time you saw just one Yellowjacket? Practically speaking you are guaranteed to be fighting a whole horde of those assholes.
Buckeyes. They’re a hard nut to crack.
How about the Golden Bears of California?
Bears are very difficult to beat in the wild.
The Calech Beavers nobody could lick em in an honest fight.
I’m going with either Volunteers or Rebels. They have guns.
Not to win the war, but you don’t want Idaho anywhere near your Roman Empire. (The Vandals.)
What’s the Arizona mascot who looks like a meth head? Yeah my money is on meth boy.
I feel like we’ve done this many times before. Purdue is a goddamn train, and Miami is in a league of it’s own with a Hurricane. I think all others are a tier below.
Colorado School of Mines. Blaster the Burro. Literally a dynamite carrying donkey!!
Gritty would somehow get involved and win. My answer is Gritty.
Not the rebels
RISD: Scrotie
Michigan State Spartans
No one mentioning the Toledo Rocket?
The UC Santa Cruz Banana Slugs