If someone steals my poop… is that technically illegal?

r/

Let’s say I poop in a bucket on my own property (don’t judge), and someone comes along and takes it without permission. Is that theft? I mean… it’s poop, or once it leaves the body, does it not count as “property” anymore?

Comments

  1. Ok_Brick_793 Avatar

    If someone trespassed on your property, then yes, it’s theft.

  2. __Dobie__ Avatar

    Human waste might not be considered “property” in the traditional legal sense once it has left the body. You would be hard pressed to find any police officer willing to file charges over discarded poop

  3. BussyIsQuiteEdible Avatar

    really good question. downvotes not warranted

  4. greyduet Avatar

    Maybe if you called it fertilizer

  5. Falernum Avatar

    Kinda seems like you discarded it

  6. Rare-Satisfaction484 Avatar

    Scenarios:

    1. You poop somewhere away from home and someone collects it after you leave:

    Not theft. You left it behind it can’t reasonably be expected you would be returning for it.

    1. You poop at home and have a sceptic system

    Theft and potentially destruction of property- if they dig up your sceptic tank to get to your poop that can only be considered criminal.

    1. You poop at home and leave an unflushed turd and they steal it

    This is a grey area. A grey/brown area. I would say in this case not theft, unless you ask them specifically to not take your poop with them. Again, it can be reasonably expected that you meant to throw away your poop.

    1. You poop at home and someone is waiting in the sewer below your house to steal it.

    Not theft. It can reasonably be expected you were throwing it away and the poop is free-game. The city’s sewage department might get them for trespassing though.

    1. You go to the doctors for surgery and while there a nurse reaches up your arse and grabs a turd from your innards and flees holding it. Perhaps you’re under general anesthetic when this happens, or perhaps you have a nurse that really pushes the boundaries.

    I think in this case it qualifies as assault, medical malpractice and grand-theft turd.

  7. Ok_Distribution_2603 Avatar

    whose bucket is it

  8. Low_Style175 Avatar

    Is it theft if someone picks up trash from your property? I doubt it

  9. Mundane-Brain-1278 Avatar

    This is called breaking and shittering

  10. Active_Rain_4314 Avatar

    That’s an interesting question..it is taking property without permission… theft.

  11. Nelgumford Avatar

    Probably but don’t expect help solving the crime.

  12. rewardiflost Avatar

    Of course it is “property”.

    In some societies, this is used as plant fertilizer. It can be used as a fuel like biochar, or as an ingredient in bricks. Unless you put it out with a sign indicating that it was trash – anyone making that assumption could easily be wrong.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reuse_of_human_excreta#

    If it is on your property, then someone entering your property for no legitimate purpose is trespassing. If they enter purely to steal, then it’s definitely a criminal act.

    But – leaving a pile of poop uncovered – in a bucket or not – might be seen as a health hazard. Depending on your local rules, an official might legitimately enter your property to investigate it, and might take steps to mitigate the issue. Whether they choose to follow up and prosecute you or not might be up to their discretion.

  13. MonoBlancoATX Avatar

    Aside from trespassing, which is already a crime. I don’t think that would qualify as stealing. Unless…

    Is your poop worth anything?

    do you poop gold?

  14. Cultural-Task-1098 Avatar

    Info: Did they leave the bucket?

  15. Profoundly_Feral Avatar

    My cat wrote this after I scooped the litter box.

  16. BodaciousTacoFarts Avatar

    You are taking the phrases “Don’t touch my shit” or “Don’t steal my shit” a bit literally.

  17. Specific-Fan-1333 Avatar

    My little sister’s friend pooped in a bucket in her garage. I did not steal it. Now, I wish I had so I could answer your question. Not really.

    Imagine being busted for that?

    US-based answer via Google search:

    ‘No, generally, human waste is not considered private property. While a person might have ownership of their own body and the materials within, once waste is expelled, it’s no longer considered their personal property and becomes the responsibility of the owner of the property where it is deposited. This is especially true for situations involving public areas or someone else’s property.’

  18. ValleySparkles Avatar

    Are they taking the bucket, or only the poop?

  19. Comprehensive_Toe113 Avatar

    “I made this, I am the proprietary artist of this original creation and you are commotong theft”

    Imagine being the lawyer on that court case lmao

  20. Watchkeys Avatar

    It doesn’t matter of it’s poop. If they’re taking something from your property without your permission, it’s theft.

  21. 10luoz Avatar

    Generally no.

    A very similar case has been litigated in courts ironically enough.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moore_v._Regents_of_the_University_of_California#Decision

    If your pop inadvertently created a billion-dollar industry, bring that to the Supreme Court if you think you can get $$$.

    ,

  22. Crystalraf Avatar

    Well……there are a lot of ways you can look at it. You dumped a biohazard on your own property….you are the criminal……

  23. moedexter1988 Avatar

    If you consider it a property and you have an use for it then find a shitty lawyer for your shitty case.

  24. Willing_Fee9801 Avatar

    You can make an argument that the turd burglar robbed you of valuable fertilizer.

  25. DeltaFlame01 Avatar

    This is very oddly specific

  26. Eddie_Farnsworth Avatar

    So they take the poop, but not the bucket? They may be guilty of trespassing on your property. As for the poop itself, I suppose technically, it is theft. On the other hand, good luck getting the police to take you seriously. First of all, try proving a theft has taken place. Do you have video of someone taking it? Did you witness the crime and have a description of the perpetrator? Maybe you can offer the bucket with some residual poop as proof that there was once poop in the bucket, but whose to say you didn’t dump it in the toilet and flush it yourself, and are just wasting the police’s valuable time?

    But let’s say for the sake of argument that the police take you seriously. How are they going to find your poop and having found it, prove that it was your poop and not someone else’s? DNA tests are expensive, and there are unprocessed rape kits that some police departments say they can’t afford to process that I think you’ll agree should have a higher priority than your stolen poop. You can, after all, make more of it quite easily.

  27. Acceptable_Pirate_92 Avatar

    You’ve been violated, or at least trespassed on.

  28. pktechboi Avatar

    >(don’t judge)

    sorry but I am judging

  29. bjenning04 Avatar

    Technically, I suppose so. Maybe you were going to compost it for fertilizer? Guess it doesn’t really matter why you’re keeping it, still theft if it’s on your property. However, I would LOVE to see when you report your poop stolen to the police. 😂

  30. Lordlordy5490 Avatar

    There’s an interesting documentary i watched on Netflix about a person that had a leg ( or maybe an arm i can’t remember ) amputated and the limb somehow came into the possession of another person and they were both fighting over who legally owned it.

  31. HaroerHaktak Avatar

    I mean, would you really want to take someone to court over theft of poop?

  32. Holiday_Trainer_2657 Avatar

    Apparently people can get in trouble for stealing your trash. So I guess maybe, technically?

  33. DreadPickle Avatar

    If you put gold in a bucket on your property and someone took it, is it theft? It’s yours. No one can take it without permission.

    Value determines level of crime/damage. Stealing poop is misdemeanor at worst, but trespassing to commit the theft could be pretty bad if the DA was feeling feisty.

  34. teakesdad Avatar

    Stealing buckets is against the law!🤣

  35. Freedom_58 Avatar

    🤔 Trespassing, theft.
    Let me know what happens after you report it to the police.

  36. Traditional-Hippo184 Avatar

    only if you put it in your pocket

  37. ProPatria222 Avatar

    OK. So this is an actual “stupid question”. In my opinion.

    A great idea to talk about, banter with but seriously. There are truly stupid questions.

    This is one. Indeed.

    Maybe I am incorrect?

  38. exqueezemenow Avatar

    Depends. Did you leave it in their desk drawer?

  39. Premium333 Avatar

    I reserve the right to judge you for pooping into a bucket.

  40. the-other-marvin Avatar

    The spice melange!

  41. PandaStudio1413 Avatar

    Are they taking the poop out of the bucket or the bucket with the poop in it?

  42. Positive-Attempt-435 Avatar

    They stole your bucket…so yes.

    There was a war fought over a bucket once. 

  43. suboptimus_maximus Avatar

    #AskingForAFriend

  44. boundlessvoid Avatar

    Do you have it? The Spice Melange?

  45. itsnotthatbigg Avatar

    I’m actually ashamed of myself for reading this post,
    I’m beginning to think it’s actually me that has the problem.

  46. TheLittlestChocobo Avatar

    This is written by my cat.

  47. Imverystupidgenx Avatar

    I think you could have a case for stealing the bucket off of your property, but I doubt your fecal matter has any intrinsic value.

  48. new_kid_on_the_blok Avatar

    “They are after the spice melange”

  49. SynonymSpice Avatar

    Did you have plans for … it?

  50. surloc_dalnor Avatar

    It’s likely illegal, but it’s gonna depend on a lot of things.

    • We they trespassing?
    • Did they take the bucket?
    • What is the vaule of the poop?
    • What did they do with the poop.

    If it’s just shit, they were invited over to the house, and they just flushed it. They really didn’t steal anything of value and didn’t trespass. Even if they took a bucket it’s unlikely to be of enough value for criminal charges or a civil case. On the other hand it they took it and had it tested then you might have a civil or even criminal case. If they broke in or trespassed again you likely have a case. But in general your shit isn’t valuable to bring charges or file a suit.

  51. kevloid Avatar

    *tries REALLY fucking hard not to judge*

    nope, you’re a freak

  52. Ieatcrunchybees Avatar

    The spice melange

  53. greginvalley Avatar

    Careful, or they will steal your shit

  54. StaticCanyon Avatar

    Yeah, it’s theft. Poop’s still property, apparently. Just… don’t leave it in buckets.

  55. OG-Lostphotos Avatar

    And fyi, my mom used to scrape her dinner plates and put the scraps out for the dogs. Little did she know she put the scraps on top of the sewer line.
    She grew the sweetest cantaloupes ever one year. Just sayin’.

  56. buuk_werm Avatar

    If they’re stealing dookie, life has already punished that person beyond the state’s capability. How valuable is it?

  57. TheUglyWeb Avatar

    It then becomes “pooperty”.

  58. Adventurous_Cod7398 Avatar

    Even if you shit and specifically told that person not to take it, and they still took it, they would only be liable for the value of the shit, which isn’t shit. And getting law enforcement and or a judge to take you seriously would be near impossible. So yeah.

  59. fshagan Avatar

    Yes, it’s illegal. Until you give it away, it’s yours, and it without your permission is illegal. Poop isn’t likely to have a high enough value for a DA to press charges, but it could be elevated on other crimes.

    Let’s say someone steals poop and uses it to get your DNA, to steal your identity and cashes in your two million dollar IRA. One of the charges will be theft of poop DNA.

  60. Rickyyy_Spanishhh Avatar

    I’m sorry did I read all through these comments and not one mention of a TURD BURGLAR??!?
    I’m not mad Reddit just disappointed. 🙁

  61. Traditional-Hippo184 Avatar

    The bird is the word

  62. Rated-E-For-Erik Avatar

    They’d be a turd burglar

  63. JohnnyBlefesc Avatar
    1. On your property, for one thing trespass, criminally and civilly.
    2. Mens Rea is intent. Willful, knowing, reckless, or negligent in descending order. Guy goes into backyard and takes something from you, anything, it’s criminal theft. Civilly conversion.
    3. If he was really drunk and he just figured it was worthless, they might give a negligence level if that level of intent is even on the books in the state.
    4. He had a conversation with you where you said he could borrow the bucket and it’s filling. Maybe he likes to use it for fertilizer. A week goes by and he isn’t returning your calls, the bucket, etc. Now you call the cops. It’s larceny. It’s not worth anything, so petit larceny. But if it was an ancient coprolite and couldn’t be used for fertilizer and is worth say over 5 or 10K now grand larceny.
    5. If you never had the conversation and we are talking about the same two potential values, then it could be ordinary theft or grand theft.
    6. He destroyed it. But you want to sue. You sue for it’s value. Now the problem is the legal maxim, “the law does not deal in trivialities” comes in to play. But if you show some real value, you sue for damages. Maybe he wrote nasty stuff on your fence and destroyed some things and harassed you over the phone giving you psychological troubles requiring a therapist. Maybe the judge gives you regular damages, plus punitive. Maybe some kind of parasitic damages attached for therapy bills. Maybe attorney fees. Probably not. let’s say you were planning on selling it to a collector who was going to pay you a lot of money. You might try getting the value of those damages.
    7. But maybe you are incensed and the bucket and its filling had sentimental value. Well, in that case you used to have to go to the chancery court i.e. the court for equitable remedies, now damages and equitable remedies are done in the same court. You say to the judge it’s not about the money. You want the bucket and its contents back. Even though the bucket is destroyed he still has the wood, and your lawyer advances a notion that through some strange alchemy this guy can chemically clone your DNA and reconstitute the original contents of the bucket and you demand this, but the problem is that it is going to take a few months and progress appearances at the court and supervision by the judge. There will be no way. He will not give this affirmative equitable remedy. He will make the lawyers go in the hallway to settle at a number.
    8. But let’s say that because the dude kept harassing you over the phone, in addition to damages, you might get the equitable remedy of a temporary restraining order. And if he keeps harassing you and threatening to take more buckets from you and their requisite fillings, then it might ripen into a permanent restraining order.
    9. You wait too long to sue for damages-statute of limitation passes. Or you want the equitable remedy of the bucket and contents back, but like, you knew he had it on his property throughout a snowstorm and a couple of tornadoes and only then brought the action. Sorry, that’s laches. Maybe you told him he could borrow it but never set a deadline for like three years, okay well, now you are estopped from from your remedy. Maybe you stole like ten buckets of his and his contents, now you have, well, literally “unclean hands.”
    10. Bottom line in real life: he would be arrested for trespass, and you could sue for the trespass but for only something nominal. He might be arrested for theft too, but unless there was some real value, you probably couldn’t sue for the value of the converted goods in civil.
    11. Maybe you thought it was a bucket, etc. but in that state once a year people are allowed to go on other properties and salvage those exact things. Legal impossibility. Maybe he intended to steal the bucket and its contents and you thought he did, but in actuality he has neural damage and even thinks he is stealing you bucket etc. but in reality simply retrieved his pet duck and the bucket is still on your property behind the woodshed, so when they try to press the theft in court, they can’t even though his intent was very much to steal from you. Factual impossibility.
  64. Grimmaof2 Avatar

    The better question is did it make a sound?

  65. Floyd_Pink Avatar

    Yeah, I definitely judged you. I hope you are getting the help that you need.

  66. Slimothy32 Avatar

    If they took the bucket. Yes.
    If they took the poop. No. But you both have issues.

  67. Slight-Ad4115 Avatar

    Short answer, yes.

    Taking the bucket alone would be theft.

    “property’ in law can be anything tangible or intangible. Anything tangible is something that can be touched, described or given value. Like a car. Anything intangible is something that cannot be touched or described, such as thoughts, which is the basis for intellectual property.

    So poop can definitely be touched (yuck) and described. However it might be hard to give it value. Maybe if it was the King Charles’ poop that got stolen, then indeed a royal dookie might fetch a large sum in certain circles.