Please do not delete your post after receiving your answer. Consider leaving it up for posterity so that other Redditors can benefit from the wisdom in this thread.
Once your thread has run its course, instead of deleting it, you can simply type “!lock” (without the quotes) as a comment anywhere in your thread to have our Automod lock the thread. That way you won’t be bothered by anymore replies on it, but people can still read it.
What’s success? If you’re talking about purely work success, the more time you can dedicate to your work, the better – if you’re still looking for companionship, I could see having a wife being LESS time than dealing with the dating scene, but that really comes down to what you’re looking for. Being married likely helps a bit when you’re talking about social events and networking, which depending on the company, could be important.
Kids are personally rewarding, but they will unquestionably take up time and energy (mental and physical) that could have otherwise been directed toward your work.
I’m currently 40 and have two kids (12 and 8) and would not change that, especially because it’s not easy to go back and change the “having kids” part… but if you think you need to be working 70-80 hours per week to maximize professional success… kids will throw a huge wrench in that for ~15-20 years.
To maximize my success I would go back and start my trade school before I had kids. I love my wife and kids it just harder on my wife when I have school at night
I’ve refused marriage and kids. My life is 100% my own. No, it’s not because I haven’t met the right person. I could have had kids and marriage a few times but I said no. My work gets a lot of my attention (but it’s in the creative industries so I spend a lot of time in my head in a very quiet house— not easy with kids). I love kids and I spoil my nephews and nieces. But I come and go as I want and I have learned to love my own company.
The time available to me to concentrate on conventional success is way more than my married dad-mates have. But that’s not why I value being unmarried and childless. I value my freedom. And I think if you have freedom, you can convert that to success. If you are time-poor and have a family to feed, grow, love, you can certainly be very successful but you need great discipline and energy for that life. I don’t think I have those levels of discipline and energy.
A good friend recently confided something that made him feel ashamed. He said he loves his kids but hates his married life and hates being a father as he just doesn’t have any time for himself. He goes for a run in the evenings and that’s all the freedom he says he has. You’ve got to really really want the married-with-kids life. Some people thrive on it. I applaud their selflessness. I could never do what they do.
If purely career and experience oriented stay single. Likely would’ve joined the military to get med school paid for and attempt to go the full 20 between active duty and reserve or adding in working for the VA. Lock in that pension and then switch out to an academic center that prioritizes research opportunities. Any relationships and making a family would’ve needed to fit around this. At the same time I wanted to be a dad so when that happened sooner than planned I made some changes.
As is, I got nowhere near that but I have a now adult daughter who will make an excellent grade school teacher in a few years, my son is in grade school now and is doing so well after a very rough premature start to life. Also I have a pretty large following of patients I see routinely as a PA who look so relieved when they land on my schedule that I do feel like I’m helping people daily. Could I be more financially successful? Yes. Do I feel like I failed? Absolutely not.
It depends how far back you’re talking but I split the difference and ended up in a passionless career meant to support a family without said family. If I got a redo I’d go for the much less paying job I could be more passionate about. I don’t think kids are a bad choice but taking the ‘safe’ path is not the way if you don’t manage to start a family.
Ive bene married for 32 years, had a small business for 25 years, raised 2 great young men that have great jobs, 2 houses, 2 upper/ middle class SUVs that are paid for, and a good amount in retirement and now work part time as a handyman. Overall I think I’ve been pretty successful. If I shared the numbers though some would think I was just scraping by. It’s all about perspective and whats important to you.
Been married for 47 years with 2 children and 5 grandchildren. If we didn’t have kids and actually saved money, we would be fairly rich. But, I wouldn’t trade my family for that.
Comments
Please do not delete your post after receiving your answer. Consider leaving it up for posterity so that other Redditors can benefit from the wisdom in this thread.
Once your thread has run its course, instead of deleting it, you can simply type “!lock” (without the quotes) as a comment anywhere in your thread to have our Automod lock the thread. That way you won’t be bothered by anymore replies on it, but people can still read it.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Stay single. That’s my current and only plan.
What’s success? If you’re talking about purely work success, the more time you can dedicate to your work, the better – if you’re still looking for companionship, I could see having a wife being LESS time than dealing with the dating scene, but that really comes down to what you’re looking for. Being married likely helps a bit when you’re talking about social events and networking, which depending on the company, could be important.
Kids are personally rewarding, but they will unquestionably take up time and energy (mental and physical) that could have otherwise been directed toward your work.
I’m currently 40 and have two kids (12 and 8) and would not change that, especially because it’s not easy to go back and change the “having kids” part… but if you think you need to be working 70-80 hours per week to maximize professional success… kids will throw a huge wrench in that for ~15-20 years.
Stay single
To maximize my success I would go back and start my trade school before I had kids. I love my wife and kids it just harder on my wife when I have school at night
Single and ready to mingle
The most successful people I know are all married with kids. I know that being married improved my focus and having kids supercharged it.
Married with kids. Then I would have a lot more motivation to actually succeed, unlike my current trajectory.
Stay single. Easy choice.
I’ve refused marriage and kids. My life is 100% my own. No, it’s not because I haven’t met the right person. I could have had kids and marriage a few times but I said no. My work gets a lot of my attention (but it’s in the creative industries so I spend a lot of time in my head in a very quiet house— not easy with kids). I love kids and I spoil my nephews and nieces. But I come and go as I want and I have learned to love my own company.
The time available to me to concentrate on conventional success is way more than my married dad-mates have. But that’s not why I value being unmarried and childless. I value my freedom. And I think if you have freedom, you can convert that to success. If you are time-poor and have a family to feed, grow, love, you can certainly be very successful but you need great discipline and energy for that life. I don’t think I have those levels of discipline and energy.
A good friend recently confided something that made him feel ashamed. He said he loves his kids but hates his married life and hates being a father as he just doesn’t have any time for himself. He goes for a run in the evenings and that’s all the freedom he says he has. You’ve got to really really want the married-with-kids life. Some people thrive on it. I applaud their selflessness. I could never do what they do.
Depends on your definition of success. Mine is having a loving family. There’s not much I would change.
Married one of the ugly bitches with rich fathers at my private school
If purely career and experience oriented stay single. Likely would’ve joined the military to get med school paid for and attempt to go the full 20 between active duty and reserve or adding in working for the VA. Lock in that pension and then switch out to an academic center that prioritizes research opportunities. Any relationships and making a family would’ve needed to fit around this. At the same time I wanted to be a dad so when that happened sooner than planned I made some changes.
As is, I got nowhere near that but I have a now adult daughter who will make an excellent grade school teacher in a few years, my son is in grade school now and is doing so well after a very rough premature start to life. Also I have a pretty large following of patients I see routinely as a PA who look so relieved when they land on my schedule that I do feel like I’m helping people daily. Could I be more financially successful? Yes. Do I feel like I failed? Absolutely not.
Married with kids. I already have the success I want.
Single and almost certainly impossible to mingle…with.
I would argue having a wife and kids that love you is success, what is this post
We have different definitions of success.
Married with kids.
There is no success I could accomplish that comes close to raising good kids.
Married, without.
This is a mental take. “Should I get married and have kids for the grind or not?”
It depends how far back you’re talking but I split the difference and ended up in a passionless career meant to support a family without said family. If I got a redo I’d go for the much less paying job I could be more passionate about. I don’t think kids are a bad choice but taking the ‘safe’ path is not the way if you don’t manage to start a family.
Singular. No pets no kids. Just me and my passport and a bank account full of my money.
Ive bene married for 32 years, had a small business for 25 years, raised 2 great young men that have great jobs, 2 houses, 2 upper/ middle class SUVs that are paid for, and a good amount in retirement and now work part time as a handyman. Overall I think I’ve been pretty successful. If I shared the numbers though some would think I was just scraping by. It’s all about perspective and whats important to you.
This is a dumb way to think about life.
You’re probably looking at divorce if you can manage to get a wife with this attitude
So I’d recommend you take the incel option.
Life is always better with a good partner. My life got infinitely better since meeting my wife.
Been married for 47 years with 2 children and 5 grandchildren. If we didn’t have kids and actually saved money, we would be fairly rich. But, I wouldn’t trade my family for that.