If you have adult children, do you feel like they still give you any sense of purpose? What does it mean to be their parents after they have a life of their own?
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My adult children are my very best friends. Their children keep me feeling relevant and knowledgeable about current trends. They come to me almost every day to share their plans, hopes, dreams, parties and dates. We tell stories about our day and sip coffee in the morning. They ask my advice and opinions and they actually listen.
My kids and grandchildren are the most interesting, witty, funny, generous and grateful people I know.
I have children, grandchildren and great grandchildren…if I’ve learned anything it’s that the older you get the more forgotten you are, my husband and I don’t hear from anyone for months at a time. I do understand somewhat, they’re busy, but on the other hand I made time to see my mom at least once a week, made it a priority to also see my in laws as often.
Before you admonish me, I do call and leave a message, I also text but very seldom hear back.
I love my adult kids. They are so fun to talk to and to spend time with. I love how they are living their own lives and doing what they feel is important to them. I miss them every stinking day. But I really love this kind of relationship with them.
I’m here to support them – financially, emotionally and in their decisions.
I congratulated them in turn when they each got their first professional jobs.
I helped my son with his down payment towards a townhouse last year. He has already paid me back, plus interest.
I made the photo slide show for my daughter’s engagement party a few weeks ago, and paid for a portion of it.
I still advise them on financial matters, like saving for retirement.
I sent a DoorDash voucher when my son’s partner ended up in a cast last week. I can’t cook them anything because I’m not at home right now.
I’m looking forward to getting grandchildren eventually, which I’m pretty sure I’ll get from my daughter. I plan to offer them 1-2 days a week of child care. I want to be the kind of solid grandparent that I was lucky enough to have.
We enjoy all the usual holidays together, but I work around their partners’ families because they’re bigger and less flexible than ours. I don’t have to celebrate on the actual date, just near it.
We also enjoy the occasional Sunday lunch and / or games night (maybe 3 times a year).
We like going to the football together. Maybe we’ll do that 2-3 times a year.
My daughter and I both like musical theatre, so we might see 1-2 shows together a year.
I just provided my daughter with some suggestions for when she goes on holiday in Sep. I’ve been there before while she has not. She did the same for me last year when I was going to a place she’d already been.
We have some family in-jokes that we use to make each other laugh. Sometimes we text something quirky, but not too often. My son and my husband have a friendly rivalry regarding renewable energy (guess which one is the conservative old dude?).
I feel good doing for them what neither my parents nor my in-laws were able to do for us (for various reasons). I like modelling support without obligation and hope it carries down to future generations.
They invite us to their houses to socialise, they come to see us, they ask for advice, they plan nights out and holidays with them. It’s pretty cool after years of dealing with childhood chaos and teenage “um, mum, can I borrow $20” to have them pick up the tab at lunch sometimes.
I love my children dearly. As much as I enjoyed them as babies and young children, it is so nice to sit over coffee and carry on an adult conversation.
Both are happily married and have children of their own. They are in their 40’s.
When they were young I was the primary person in the lives because I was a single working mom. My job had to come first because it paid the bills, but after that it was my kids.
As children grow and become more responsible they become their own person. It is why teenagers can be such a pain. They are trying on all sorts of personalities. Usually the opposite of what their parents want.
Once they marry and have a family their spouse and child/children are first in the lives. I only live 45 minutes away from my son and his wife and I”ve told them both that if I ever have a disagreement with my DIL I expect my son to take her side. They will be married 10 years in the fall.
I never really considered my children my purpose. I was their mom, a nurse, and eventually a divorced woman.
As their mom it was my responsibility to care for them, guide them and be there for them as they grew. I did my best to raise children who became competent adults.
I guess young pal is fair, but they are more than that. They share inside jokes over the years, remind me of things that have happened, and sometimes share a perspective that surprises me.
They ask me for a cornbread recipe, or how to cook a dish, and offer to help grout a floor, repair a roof, or run an errand.
They are my family, whether they are dependent on me anymore or not.
I feel lucky on how my kids turned out. But they have their ups and downs and I’ve known them all of their lives, so I am there as much as I can be, I’m gone as much as they want. We probably don’t need each other, but we want to benefit each other. So why not? Why not hold each other close?
My adult children (all in their 20’s) are my favorite humans. I live about 45 minutes from them. We have a group chat where we check in with each other daily. We always say good morning followed by I love you whether it’s at 6:30am or 4pm since everyone has different work schedules. We call often and I see them about 2-4 times a month. I’m fortunate to have a great relationship with each of them. My first grandchild will be born soon and I can hardly wait! As far as purpose, for me it’s to continue to let them know I’m here for them and that they are deeply loved.
Of course my adult children give me sense of purpose. I raised them without their father. I had to change a lot. We went through tough times, not just poverty. I have my own issues still because of my past.
My kids are not my pals. I’m here to talk to if they need it. I’m here to be a good role model still. And to accept their partners as they are. I guess people take that for granted but as simple as it seems you just have to read Reddit to see how many tragedies are happening. How many relatives are hustlers and conmen. How many friends turn out to be drama addicts.
When my youngest was about 17 he told me he didn’t want to talk to me anymore. We are quite a lot alike. He stopped talking to me. At family events he wouldn’t even look at me. It sucked. I thought it would go away you know when “he grew up”. About 15 years later we began to talk. It’s good that we talk. I didn’t pursue him. I respected his space. Things are getting a little better. I let him approach me.
It’s funny because I asked him about it today (well yesterday really). He was uncomfortable but he was able to explain why he needed the space.
I need to be here for my children to show them stability, honesty and love. And that sounds like a sentimental message but in action it takes a lot of thought, energy and action.
Think of them as having graduated to where you’re more of a mentor than a babysitter.
No one out there wants them to do well as much as you do, and you’ve seen a lot more than you have. Things you grew up knowing are just historical tidbits to them. You’ve heard that noise in a car before. You may have replaced a faucet or two.
My wife and I are looking forward to being empty nesters, but that’s just going to change the type of support our kids get. We won’t be dictating any more, but we’ll be sounding boards and can offer different perspectives.
I raised my son to be independent . (I was older when he was born) He is successful and lives thousands of miles away. I am proud of him but I miss his hugs.
Our 2 adult daughters really only call when they want something like puggy sitting her little guy. If I don’t call them who knows how long it would be until they called – well I know …. when they want something!! I called my mom all the time when I was on my own, when I got married and when I had kids She always said “a son is a son until he takes a wife BUT a daughter is a daughter all her life”. We’re going on vacation for 10 days leaving next week and I’m not going to say anything and see if they call – not holding my breath! I’m 64 and my husband is 67 – you’d think they’d call at least to see if we’re still alive!!! At this point I seriously do feel like leaving both of them out of our Will but hubby is against it!
I’m 49. My children are 18 and 20, and my daughter is in college 8 hours away. She calls me every day. My son is on Spring Break this week and FaceTimed me so his friends could say hi. My parents are 71 and 78 and live 13 hours away. I talk to my mom every day. They visit as often as they can.
It’s very special because I reconize always how the charakter of the child turned out. I try not to tell him to often. And there is a special understanding form the many experiences we had together.
It’s more than just friends family is a very close bond, even if we don’t see each other. But now he lives round the corner and we have regular rounds gaming.
I’m a younger old person – my boys are 30 and 24 and they are my best friends, not in a weird way, lol, we are just very close. My 24 yr old and I had one of the best talks ever just on Sunday, he was telling me about his girlfriend and it was just awesome!
Im 57 and my son and daughter are 30 and 32, respectively. This is a great question. I was diagnosed with ALS and my daughter was more devastated than I was. They still need me as someone that loves them unconditionally. Their mother is very judgmental and im not. So yes, I feel like they do give me a sense of purpose. And I have 4 grandsons, so I plan on being here for them no matter what this asshole of a disease thinks it’s gonna do to me
I have 2 daughters 26(married with a newborn) and 22(brand new masters grad at IU) I’ll always be their daddy. I will always be there for them at any moment for anything.
My kids are awesome (35f, 33m, 31f). I see them on a regular basis, we have a text chat that we all use every day. Every month or so (depending on everyone’s schedule), the two daughters and I get together at one of their houses for a tea party. Sometimes we dress up, sometimes there’s a theme (like “fancy hat day”), but there’s always tea, foods, a lot of cackle-laughing, and sometimes we watch bad movies while we enjoy our tea and graze on the food.
I have four independent adult children. They are fun people. I am and always be the mom they can count on, however they have their own lives and need to make their own decisions without interference from me. I will always be a safety net which frees them to live boldly.
We are still integrally involved in their lives. We have five grandchildren and see them often. The oldest is a senior and my husband and I are touring colleges with him right now because he has to decide in two weeks. I know I worry too much, and one of my friends reminded me that it’s their journey. We have the money to help them out even though they are well educated (2 daughters) and have good careers, but things are expensive these days. The whole bunch of us are headed to Sedona, Arizona for April vacation, and it will be like herding cats. My parents saw us once a year as we lived several states away. They didn’t seem to mind the distance. We live 45 minutes away from our kids. Time flies and even though we are in great health, I know we won’t be around forever. We do have friends with whom we socialize, and they are also close to their adult kids.
My kids will.always be my kids. They matter.to.me and if I can help them in some way, I want to.be there for them. I also want to know my grandkids. I don’t know that they give me purpose, they are people I just have a special interest in.
That’s the most rewarding part of parenting. When they go off and live their lives, become their own people, and still want to spend time with you. Just the other night, I met my middle son to have a couple of drinks and talk through an opportunity he has at work.
I think it’s harder and more stressful to have adult children than when they were kids. I find myself worrying a lot about how they are doing, whether they are able to pay their bills okay, whether their children are okay (I see them daily to verify this but I still always worry lol) and I basically just want to see them succeed. I don’t want them to have too much hardship. When they were kids I could control what things they were exposed to. As adults I can’t control anything in their lives, although it’s not for lack of trying on my part lol. I wish I could be one of those people who just ships her 18 year old off and says “you’re on your own! I’m going to turn your room into an art studio and go on a six month vacation.” But that’s just not me. I text my children daily, at minimum. If I don’t text them they text me. And their dad, of course. My daughters especially think their dad is the sun and the moon. That’s fine tho because my granddaughter thinks I’m the sun and the moon!
Well, I don’t behave like I’m their parent. They’re all in their 40s now and don’t need a parent. They have a very good older friend who helps out with child minding or critter sitting. I’m very independent, so I don’t need anything…….yet, I guess. I get along extremely well with my 2 lovely DILs. I’m there for my daughter who’s a single mom with 2 competitive swimmer daughters.
My two boys bring me joy. They both married well and have good lives. I have the peace of knowing that they will be fine after I’m gone. One lives too far away to see very often but he calls me frequently and I see the other about once a month or so. They don’t really give me purpose, I just know that they love me and that’s perfect.
Well, you raise them to be independent, purpose driven, accomplished, with integrity, and hopefully with all that, happy.
So when they’ve done so mom’s job is done. Everything after that is lagniappe. Distance makes a difference (across the country, sometimes across the globe). My girls never even considered staying in their home state, and that’s okay.
My children are my children, for life. But, I do have to try not to still think of them as little kids. I don’t interfere. Much! I will say eat more fruit and veggies, or watch out for X or Y in banking or when signing a lease or whatever, things like that. They’re very mature and are doing well.
They will always be special. That never changes. I love seeing them and spending as much time with them as they have. I’m very proud of them. Grateful to them.
But they are not my pal, or my best friend. I’m their parent. They are my children. I have best friends and a husband, coworkers. They fulfill my social needs. My volunteer work fulfills my other needs.
As they grow older it is easier to treat them less like perpetual teens or young adults. The relationship develops and grows, as they do. It is different. But I do think no one should confuse their kids for their best friends.
Beyond sex ed I’m not discussing sex, and definitely not my sex life, with my kid. Or getting drunk with them on a much-needed weekend trip. There should be some common sense and healthy no-go boundaries there. Your kids can be your hobby or fishing buddy. Sure. Your family and theirs can camp or vacation or travel together. You can enjoy seeing them bring up their children and help with that. There is so much happiness in seeing them become grownups. Learning. Teaching their own kids.
But your kid is not your best friend, because they need age appropriate best friends of their own. Spouses of their own. And their spouses and kids have best friends of their own. Lives of their own.
It isn’t healthy to be permanently entwined with their parents, with parental interests, or wants or needs. Marriages are usually healthiest when spouses are each others best friends. Not when parents are best friends with their kids.
Absolutely – he is approach his mid-40s, we’re still very close.
He is why I still run my company – I intend to leave him something of value on a number of levels, but also more secure than he already is.
He got a great education, has made his own way, but I just want to make sure whatever comes down the road, given this time in our history and the possible evolution, that he has resources to sustain his life well.
I love my adult kids and they are both amazing but I’ve always given my own life purpose. I have an amazing career, my husband, of 35 years, and I travel, a lot, we have great friends and hobbies. My purpose in life is to live it to the fullest. My kids and now 2 grandkids are a big part of my life, but them having their own lives takes nothing away from my own fulfillment.
We have 3 adult children. One still lives with us, two moved out to live with friends over a year ago but live 10 minutes away.
Honestly, they didn’t specifically give me a sense of purpose when they weren’t adults. Sure, I provided food, shelter, insurance, etc. for them, but we raised them to be their own people and have confidence in who they are and be good to people. So really, this is just another phase in their life.
It’s a little weird to watch them living out their lives on their own, doing adult things, etc. But that really just helps reinforce that whatever mistakes I made as a parent with them didn’t do any long-term damage.
We’ve always been close as a family. Have sharp, sarcastic senses of humor. Still share things with the group on Snapchat, Facebook Messenger, or group texts, even if it’s silly things like what the cats are doing (ours or theirs), etc.
They may still ask for help with things, but we also taught them to try to figure it out for themselves first, so that isn’t very frequent. We’ll invite them all (or even individually) out or over for dinner and these days, the only real difference for those is that the topics of conversation have grown up.
I’m just happy these days that they’re living good lives doing things they really enjoy and generally feeling fulfilled in their lives. That’s all I can really ask for.
I wouldn’t say they give me a sense of purpose. But I feel good knowing that I will always be there for them if they ever need anything. I am proud of that they have grown into.
My family are also my friends. My 3 kids are wonderful people each unique and each one amazing. My 2 grands are the joy of my life. When I feel like I wished I hadn’t woken up for another day, thoughts of them keep me in the game.
My son doesn’t talk to me. That’s okay. I’ve come to realize that it is his problem, not mine. My daughter calls me every evening and spends a day with me each week. We’re going on vacation together again in June. I was a single dad (and mom) for them. They are in their 30’s and they don’t drink, do drugs, they do pay taxes, hold down jobs, have friends and are good people. That was the end goal when I raised them.
When my brother and I moved out of our parents house back in 2000, they moved not even 1 year later to many hours away to be closer to their siblings and my Dad’s parents at the time. Then they’d have the nerve to act like it was somehow our fault we didn’t see them that often. They moved! We were fine with them moving, the reasons made sense to us, but to then try and make us feel guilty about not seeing them all that much, that was a bit much.
I’m hoping to have a long and healthily relationship with my kids as they become adults and indpendent. That said, if I or they move away for valid reasons, I for sure will make it a point to only focus on the time we have together and not say a thing about the frequency of how much we see them 🙂
It’s fun to have cool people to hang out with that have shared memories and similar values. And, I’m always going to be their mom no matter how old they get.
My son is 38, my daughter is 34. I am still married to their dad. We had a blast as a family growing up. When they were grown and on their own, I won’t lie, it was lonely for a while, but after a few years, you readjust to your empty nest. My kids and their families are still a huge part of our lives and live nearby. I will support them emotionally and financially until the day I cease to be. My son got in some trouble 7 years ago and we paid all his legal bills which he was not able to do at the time. We don’t expect repaid in any way, we were just happy to be able to do it. Just a week after his problems came to a not greatly favorable conclusion, my daughter left her significant other. It was a double whammy and I remember thinking couldn’t she just hold off until we processed our sons outcome. I realized very quickly that that was not fair as she had actually held onto that relationship throughout her brothers issues so as not to put any more stress on her father and I. Kids are your kids even when they’re adults, they just have different needs and now you can lean on them too if necessary.
I listen. They have accomplishments, struggles, dilemmas, worries, adventures. I just let them share. It feels good to brag about yourself, but it’s not polite. But moms love it.
We’re sti close, and I love them but I didn’t raise them to give me a sense of purpose. I raised them to go off and live their own lives, be independent and they have, for the most part.
All 4 of mine bring something different to our relationship. I even got a call from my 37 year old Monday asking me to be “Doctor Mom”. They’re my friends and my kids. Sometimes they support me emotionally, sometimes it’s reversed. Do I have “purpose”? I’m not sure. I mean they’ll be fine when I’m gone, but I’d like to think there will be a little hole in their heart, too.
Honestly I enjoy my daughter more now as a young adult than when she was a child. I always loved her more than anything, but raising a child involves a lot of work and worry. Now she is this great person that I’m proud of, who is a lot like me, she has my same snarky sense of humor, and I genuinely enjoy her company. Also there is an immense feeling of pride and satisfaction seeing all your hard work pay off.
I still love my kids like I did the moment I first saw them. I raised them from the beginning to be independent and responsible adults which they are. They enrich my life and I have 3 wonderful grandchildren. We have lots in common and we all stay in our lanes. I had 18 or so years to raise them, not my job now
My mom and I like to hang out and binge watch tv shows together. Not too long ago she joined me for a workout. We went out for supper, had an all-around great time. I paint her toenails once in a while too, she says I do it better than the salon lol.
I feel like I’m just here in case they need me. They have very independent lives, but we all do get together for special occasions. I feel confident that they know they can come to me with any of their problems. We have a group chat, so I check in with them every 1-2 weeks. It is understood by them to answer my text messages otherwise I will call. They are in their late 20’s, so don’t really like calls. When they first moved out, it did take me a few years to not feel horrible that they were not under my roof.
I have 3 sons and I love them more than anything! However, they are 52, 48 and 45 so are adults and I respect them as such. I don’t offer advice unless they ask. I don’t have grandchildren.
My oldest and his wife are local so I see them weekly. My youngest is in another
country so we talk on the phone. My middle son is in another state so I see him twice a year. We each have our own lives but enjoy each other’s company.
Doing child care for our adult children has offered relevance. Having effectively co-parented two of our granddaughters and watched them bloom through various stages of life has offered reward and exhaustion.
Grandchildren are the best reward! I get to play with and enjoy them in a way I couldn’t do with my son. (Time, stress, money may have diverted my attention.). I’m so happy that the morals, discipline, and freedom I gave him made him a great adult.
Well, I’m the adult kid here, but I only made it to 9 am before calling my mom to vent about all the stress I’m under, and then she came to help me fold laundry this evening. So…I think she’s still feeling a sense of purpose in parenting me.
It has been a pretty bad week, and even at 38 years old, I just needed to talk to my mom!
My son and his little family he’s 40 ,she 30 and new son 1 in a couple of weeks, live about 3-400 yards from me. He calls or texts me to come over at least 2 time a week and they visit a couple of times a week. I don’t get lonely! And I love it. We are planning a 3 generation trip soon.
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My adult children are my very best friends. Their children keep me feeling relevant and knowledgeable about current trends. They come to me almost every day to share their plans, hopes, dreams, parties and dates. We tell stories about our day and sip coffee in the morning. They ask my advice and opinions and they actually listen.
My kids and grandchildren are the most interesting, witty, funny, generous and grateful people I know.
My four kids turned out great which was my goal. I sushi has seven grandkids which is a bonus.
They ask us for advice and we ask them for advice. We have fun spending time together. Very fulfilling
My kids and their families are and have been the very best part of my life — they are the meaning of life for me.
I have children, grandchildren and great grandchildren…if I’ve learned anything it’s that the older you get the more forgotten you are, my husband and I don’t hear from anyone for months at a time. I do understand somewhat, they’re busy, but on the other hand I made time to see my mom at least once a week, made it a priority to also see my in laws as often.
Before you admonish me, I do call and leave a message, I also text but very seldom hear back.
I love my adult kids. They are so fun to talk to and to spend time with. I love how they are living their own lives and doing what they feel is important to them. I miss them every stinking day. But I really love this kind of relationship with them.
I’m here to support them – financially, emotionally and in their decisions.
I congratulated them in turn when they each got their first professional jobs.
I helped my son with his down payment towards a townhouse last year. He has already paid me back, plus interest.
I made the photo slide show for my daughter’s engagement party a few weeks ago, and paid for a portion of it.
I still advise them on financial matters, like saving for retirement.
I sent a DoorDash voucher when my son’s partner ended up in a cast last week. I can’t cook them anything because I’m not at home right now.
I’m looking forward to getting grandchildren eventually, which I’m pretty sure I’ll get from my daughter. I plan to offer them 1-2 days a week of child care. I want to be the kind of solid grandparent that I was lucky enough to have.
We enjoy all the usual holidays together, but I work around their partners’ families because they’re bigger and less flexible than ours. I don’t have to celebrate on the actual date, just near it.
We also enjoy the occasional Sunday lunch and / or games night (maybe 3 times a year).
We like going to the football together. Maybe we’ll do that 2-3 times a year.
My daughter and I both like musical theatre, so we might see 1-2 shows together a year.
I just provided my daughter with some suggestions for when she goes on holiday in Sep. I’ve been there before while she has not. She did the same for me last year when I was going to a place she’d already been.
We have some family in-jokes that we use to make each other laugh. Sometimes we text something quirky, but not too often. My son and my husband have a friendly rivalry regarding renewable energy (guess which one is the conservative old dude?).
I feel good doing for them what neither my parents nor my in-laws were able to do for us (for various reasons). I like modelling support without obligation and hope it carries down to future generations.
They invite us to their houses to socialise, they come to see us, they ask for advice, they plan nights out and holidays with them. It’s pretty cool after years of dealing with childhood chaos and teenage “um, mum, can I borrow $20” to have them pick up the tab at lunch sometimes.
I love my children dearly. As much as I enjoyed them as babies and young children, it is so nice to sit over coffee and carry on an adult conversation.
Both are happily married and have children of their own. They are in their 40’s.
When they were young I was the primary person in the lives because I was a single working mom. My job had to come first because it paid the bills, but after that it was my kids.
As children grow and become more responsible they become their own person. It is why teenagers can be such a pain. They are trying on all sorts of personalities. Usually the opposite of what their parents want.
Once they marry and have a family their spouse and child/children are first in the lives. I only live 45 minutes away from my son and his wife and I”ve told them both that if I ever have a disagreement with my DIL I expect my son to take her side. They will be married 10 years in the fall.
I never really considered my children my purpose. I was their mom, a nurse, and eventually a divorced woman.
As their mom it was my responsibility to care for them, guide them and be there for them as they grew. I did my best to raise children who became competent adults.
I guess young pal is fair, but they are more than that. They share inside jokes over the years, remind me of things that have happened, and sometimes share a perspective that surprises me.
They ask me for a cornbread recipe, or how to cook a dish, and offer to help grout a floor, repair a roof, or run an errand.
They are my family, whether they are dependent on me anymore or not.
I feel lucky on how my kids turned out. But they have their ups and downs and I’ve known them all of their lives, so I am there as much as I can be, I’m gone as much as they want. We probably don’t need each other, but we want to benefit each other. So why not? Why not hold each other close?
My adult children (all in their 20’s) are my favorite humans. I live about 45 minutes from them. We have a group chat where we check in with each other daily. We always say good morning followed by I love you whether it’s at 6:30am or 4pm since everyone has different work schedules. We call often and I see them about 2-4 times a month. I’m fortunate to have a great relationship with each of them. My first grandchild will be born soon and I can hardly wait! As far as purpose, for me it’s to continue to let them know I’m here for them and that they are deeply loved.
Still my kids, still very important to me, always will be.
Of course my adult children give me sense of purpose. I raised them without their father. I had to change a lot. We went through tough times, not just poverty. I have my own issues still because of my past.
My kids are not my pals. I’m here to talk to if they need it. I’m here to be a good role model still. And to accept their partners as they are. I guess people take that for granted but as simple as it seems you just have to read Reddit to see how many tragedies are happening. How many relatives are hustlers and conmen. How many friends turn out to be drama addicts.
When my youngest was about 17 he told me he didn’t want to talk to me anymore. We are quite a lot alike. He stopped talking to me. At family events he wouldn’t even look at me. It sucked. I thought it would go away you know when “he grew up”. About 15 years later we began to talk. It’s good that we talk. I didn’t pursue him. I respected his space. Things are getting a little better. I let him approach me.
It’s funny because I asked him about it today (well yesterday really). He was uncomfortable but he was able to explain why he needed the space.
I need to be here for my children to show them stability, honesty and love. And that sounds like a sentimental message but in action it takes a lot of thought, energy and action.
We live in different states, sometimes we group chat
Think of them as having graduated to where you’re more of a mentor than a babysitter.
No one out there wants them to do well as much as you do, and you’ve seen a lot more than you have. Things you grew up knowing are just historical tidbits to them. You’ve heard that noise in a car before. You may have replaced a faucet or two.
My wife and I are looking forward to being empty nesters, but that’s just going to change the type of support our kids get. We won’t be dictating any more, but we’ll be sounding boards and can offer different perspectives.
I raised my son to be independent . (I was older when he was born) He is successful and lives thousands of miles away. I am proud of him but I miss his hugs.
Our 2 adult daughters really only call when they want something like puggy sitting her little guy. If I don’t call them who knows how long it would be until they called – well I know …. when they want something!! I called my mom all the time when I was on my own, when I got married and when I had kids She always said “a son is a son until he takes a wife BUT a daughter is a daughter all her life”. We’re going on vacation for 10 days leaving next week and I’m not going to say anything and see if they call – not holding my breath! I’m 64 and my husband is 67 – you’d think they’d call at least to see if we’re still alive!!! At this point I seriously do feel like leaving both of them out of our Will but hubby is against it!
Maybe not a sense of purpose but a sense of joy. Seeing what they have become. Sharing in our life experiences. Having adult conversations ect
I’m 49. My children are 18 and 20, and my daughter is in college 8 hours away. She calls me every day. My son is on Spring Break this week and FaceTimed me so his friends could say hi. My parents are 71 and 78 and live 13 hours away. I talk to my mom every day. They visit as often as they can.
It’s very special because I reconize always how the charakter of the child turned out. I try not to tell him to often. And there is a special understanding form the many experiences we had together.
It’s more than just friends family is a very close bond, even if we don’t see each other. But now he lives round the corner and we have regular rounds gaming.
It’s still like having little kids. You get to watch them discover and explore things like middle age 😅
I’m a younger old person – my boys are 30 and 24 and they are my best friends, not in a weird way, lol, we are just very close. My 24 yr old and I had one of the best talks ever just on Sunday, he was telling me about his girlfriend and it was just awesome!
Im 57 and my son and daughter are 30 and 32, respectively. This is a great question. I was diagnosed with ALS and my daughter was more devastated than I was. They still need me as someone that loves them unconditionally. Their mother is very judgmental and im not. So yes, I feel like they do give me a sense of purpose. And I have 4 grandsons, so I plan on being here for them no matter what this asshole of a disease thinks it’s gonna do to me
I have 2 daughters 26(married with a newborn) and 22(brand new masters grad at IU) I’ll always be their daddy. I will always be there for them at any moment for anything.
My kids are awesome (35f, 33m, 31f). I see them on a regular basis, we have a text chat that we all use every day. Every month or so (depending on everyone’s schedule), the two daughters and I get together at one of their houses for a tea party. Sometimes we dress up, sometimes there’s a theme (like “fancy hat day”), but there’s always tea, foods, a lot of cackle-laughing, and sometimes we watch bad movies while we enjoy our tea and graze on the food.
I have four independent adult children. They are fun people. I am and always be the mom they can count on, however they have their own lives and need to make their own decisions without interference from me. I will always be a safety net which frees them to live boldly.
We are still integrally involved in their lives. We have five grandchildren and see them often. The oldest is a senior and my husband and I are touring colleges with him right now because he has to decide in two weeks. I know I worry too much, and one of my friends reminded me that it’s their journey. We have the money to help them out even though they are well educated (2 daughters) and have good careers, but things are expensive these days. The whole bunch of us are headed to Sedona, Arizona for April vacation, and it will be like herding cats. My parents saw us once a year as we lived several states away. They didn’t seem to mind the distance. We live 45 minutes away from our kids. Time flies and even though we are in great health, I know we won’t be around forever. We do have friends with whom we socialize, and they are also close to their adult kids.
My kids will.always be my kids. They matter.to.me and if I can help them in some way, I want to.be there for them. I also want to know my grandkids. I don’t know that they give me purpose, they are people I just have a special interest in.
That’s the most rewarding part of parenting. When they go off and live their lives, become their own people, and still want to spend time with you. Just the other night, I met my middle son to have a couple of drinks and talk through an opportunity he has at work.
The sense of purpose continued on into my children’s adulthood. As adults, I love watching their lives unfold. It’s really quite beautiful.
They all married and live with in 60 miles. They gave us grandchildren, a new purpose and new challenges.
Absolutely they do! We are there for them any time.
I think it’s harder and more stressful to have adult children than when they were kids. I find myself worrying a lot about how they are doing, whether they are able to pay their bills okay, whether their children are okay (I see them daily to verify this but I still always worry lol) and I basically just want to see them succeed. I don’t want them to have too much hardship. When they were kids I could control what things they were exposed to. As adults I can’t control anything in their lives, although it’s not for lack of trying on my part lol. I wish I could be one of those people who just ships her 18 year old off and says “you’re on your own! I’m going to turn your room into an art studio and go on a six month vacation.” But that’s just not me. I text my children daily, at minimum. If I don’t text them they text me. And their dad, of course. My daughters especially think their dad is the sun and the moon. That’s fine tho because my granddaughter thinks I’m the sun and the moon!
Well, I don’t behave like I’m their parent. They’re all in their 40s now and don’t need a parent. They have a very good older friend who helps out with child minding or critter sitting. I’m very independent, so I don’t need anything…….yet, I guess. I get along extremely well with my 2 lovely DILs. I’m there for my daughter who’s a single mom with 2 competitive swimmer daughters.
My two boys bring me joy. They both married well and have good lives. I have the peace of knowing that they will be fine after I’m gone. One lives too far away to see very often but he calls me frequently and I see the other about once a month or so. They don’t really give me purpose, I just know that they love me and that’s perfect.
Well, you raise them to be independent, purpose driven, accomplished, with integrity, and hopefully with all that, happy.
So when they’ve done so mom’s job is done. Everything after that is lagniappe. Distance makes a difference (across the country, sometimes across the globe). My girls never even considered staying in their home state, and that’s okay.
My children are my children, for life. But, I do have to try not to still think of them as little kids. I don’t interfere. Much! I will say eat more fruit and veggies, or watch out for X or Y in banking or when signing a lease or whatever, things like that. They’re very mature and are doing well.
They will always be special. That never changes. I love seeing them and spending as much time with them as they have. I’m very proud of them. Grateful to them.
But they are not my pal, or my best friend. I’m their parent. They are my children. I have best friends and a husband, coworkers. They fulfill my social needs. My volunteer work fulfills my other needs.
As they grow older it is easier to treat them less like perpetual teens or young adults. The relationship develops and grows, as they do. It is different. But I do think no one should confuse their kids for their best friends.
Beyond sex ed I’m not discussing sex, and definitely not my sex life, with my kid. Or getting drunk with them on a much-needed weekend trip. There should be some common sense and healthy no-go boundaries there. Your kids can be your hobby or fishing buddy. Sure. Your family and theirs can camp or vacation or travel together. You can enjoy seeing them bring up their children and help with that. There is so much happiness in seeing them become grownups. Learning. Teaching their own kids.
But your kid is not your best friend, because they need age appropriate best friends of their own. Spouses of their own. And their spouses and kids have best friends of their own. Lives of their own.
It isn’t healthy to be permanently entwined with their parents, with parental interests, or wants or needs. Marriages are usually healthiest when spouses are each others best friends. Not when parents are best friends with their kids.
They think they know more than I do.
Sometimes that’s true.
Why would I expect my children to give me a sense of purpose? Not their job.
All I try is to be the best example I can for them. Working through the process.
Absolutely – he is approach his mid-40s, we’re still very close.
He is why I still run my company – I intend to leave him something of value on a number of levels, but also more secure than he already is.
He got a great education, has made his own way, but I just want to make sure whatever comes down the road, given this time in our history and the possible evolution, that he has resources to sustain his life well.
We hang out all the time and have a blast!
I love my adult kids and they are both amazing but I’ve always given my own life purpose. I have an amazing career, my husband, of 35 years, and I travel, a lot, we have great friends and hobbies. My purpose in life is to live it to the fullest. My kids and now 2 grandkids are a big part of my life, but them having their own lives takes nothing away from my own fulfillment.
At the end of the day how my children treat others is a direct reflection on me
They have become my best friends, I’m also here for advice if they want it or to just have fun.
We have a chat line and get together several times a year. Vacation together. Come live at each other’s places for a spell.
Love are chat group of random pictures of things.
We have 3 adult children. One still lives with us, two moved out to live with friends over a year ago but live 10 minutes away.
Honestly, they didn’t specifically give me a sense of purpose when they weren’t adults. Sure, I provided food, shelter, insurance, etc. for them, but we raised them to be their own people and have confidence in who they are and be good to people. So really, this is just another phase in their life.
It’s a little weird to watch them living out their lives on their own, doing adult things, etc. But that really just helps reinforce that whatever mistakes I made as a parent with them didn’t do any long-term damage.
We’ve always been close as a family. Have sharp, sarcastic senses of humor. Still share things with the group on Snapchat, Facebook Messenger, or group texts, even if it’s silly things like what the cats are doing (ours or theirs), etc.
They may still ask for help with things, but we also taught them to try to figure it out for themselves first, so that isn’t very frequent. We’ll invite them all (or even individually) out or over for dinner and these days, the only real difference for those is that the topics of conversation have grown up.
I’m just happy these days that they’re living good lives doing things they really enjoy and generally feeling fulfilled in their lives. That’s all I can really ask for.
No matter how big they get, they’ll always be my babies. I’ve just changed from a hands on mommy to a hands off mom.
I wouldn’t say they give me a sense of purpose. But I feel good knowing that I will always be there for them if they ever need anything. I am proud of that they have grown into.
My family are also my friends. My 3 kids are wonderful people each unique and each one amazing. My 2 grands are the joy of my life. When I feel like I wished I hadn’t woken up for another day, thoughts of them keep me in the game.
My daughter is 21, and she is the best. I can’t wait to see where her life goes and I love being there for her.
My son doesn’t talk to me. That’s okay. I’ve come to realize that it is his problem, not mine. My daughter calls me every evening and spends a day with me each week. We’re going on vacation together again in June. I was a single dad (and mom) for them. They are in their 30’s and they don’t drink, do drugs, they do pay taxes, hold down jobs, have friends and are good people. That was the end goal when I raised them.
We taught our kids everything we know but not everything they know so as adults they are smarter than us – and we learn from them
Once we realized that we are supporting actors in their story we got along much better
For us the key is to be truly happy when our adult children are happy. It’s so freeing
When my brother and I moved out of our parents house back in 2000, they moved not even 1 year later to many hours away to be closer to their siblings and my Dad’s parents at the time. Then they’d have the nerve to act like it was somehow our fault we didn’t see them that often. They moved! We were fine with them moving, the reasons made sense to us, but to then try and make us feel guilty about not seeing them all that much, that was a bit much.
I’m hoping to have a long and healthily relationship with my kids as they become adults and indpendent. That said, if I or they move away for valid reasons, I for sure will make it a point to only focus on the time we have together and not say a thing about the frequency of how much we see them 🙂
It’s fun to have cool people to hang out with that have shared memories and similar values. And, I’m always going to be their mom no matter how old they get.
My son is 38, my daughter is 34. I am still married to their dad. We had a blast as a family growing up. When they were grown and on their own, I won’t lie, it was lonely for a while, but after a few years, you readjust to your empty nest. My kids and their families are still a huge part of our lives and live nearby. I will support them emotionally and financially until the day I cease to be. My son got in some trouble 7 years ago and we paid all his legal bills which he was not able to do at the time. We don’t expect repaid in any way, we were just happy to be able to do it. Just a week after his problems came to a not greatly favorable conclusion, my daughter left her significant other. It was a double whammy and I remember thinking couldn’t she just hold off until we processed our sons outcome. I realized very quickly that that was not fair as she had actually held onto that relationship throughout her brothers issues so as not to put any more stress on her father and I. Kids are your kids even when they’re adults, they just have different needs and now you can lean on them too if necessary.
Proud of them. Wonderful kids and wonderful parents to my grandkids. Love!
I still have info and experience to share and thankfully, my kids and grands still respect that and want to talk to me. And I learn so much from them.
But mostly I just enjoy being with them. No one can make me laugh like my kids, and my grands bring me so much joy. It’s the best part of parenting.
I listen. They have accomplishments, struggles, dilemmas, worries, adventures. I just let them share. It feels good to brag about yourself, but it’s not polite. But moms love it.
They’re independent and successful and busy,so I might be looking to do it again,but at 70 and not wealthy the odds aren’t good 😂
We’re sti close, and I love them but I didn’t raise them to give me a sense of purpose. I raised them to go off and live their own lives, be independent and they have, for the most part.
All 4 of mine bring something different to our relationship. I even got a call from my 37 year old Monday asking me to be “Doctor Mom”. They’re my friends and my kids. Sometimes they support me emotionally, sometimes it’s reversed. Do I have “purpose”? I’m not sure. I mean they’ll be fine when I’m gone, but I’d like to think there will be a little hole in their heart, too.
Honestly I enjoy my daughter more now as a young adult than when she was a child. I always loved her more than anything, but raising a child involves a lot of work and worry. Now she is this great person that I’m proud of, who is a lot like me, she has my same snarky sense of humor, and I genuinely enjoy her company. Also there is an immense feeling of pride and satisfaction seeing all your hard work pay off.
I still love my kids like I did the moment I first saw them. I raised them from the beginning to be independent and responsible adults which they are. They enrich my life and I have 3 wonderful grandchildren. We have lots in common and we all stay in our lanes. I had 18 or so years to raise them, not my job now
My mom and I like to hang out and binge watch tv shows together. Not too long ago she joined me for a workout. We went out for supper, had an all-around great time. I paint her toenails once in a while too, she says I do it better than the salon lol.
Love spending time with my adult kids. They are the greatest!
I feel like I’m just here in case they need me. They have very independent lives, but we all do get together for special occasions. I feel confident that they know they can come to me with any of their problems. We have a group chat, so I check in with them every 1-2 weeks. It is understood by them to answer my text messages otherwise I will call. They are in their late 20’s, so don’t really like calls. When they first moved out, it did take me a few years to not feel horrible that they were not under my roof.
My adult boys are keeping me alive. If it wasn’t for them, I’d be drinking myself to death.
I have 3 sons and I love them more than anything! However, they are 52, 48 and 45 so are adults and I respect them as such. I don’t offer advice unless they ask. I don’t have grandchildren.
My oldest and his wife are local so I see them weekly. My youngest is in another
country so we talk on the phone. My middle son is in another state so I see him twice a year. We each have our own lives but enjoy each other’s company.
My mom is 93, I hope she realizes how much we count on her. She still gives great advice when asked and we are all so happy she is still around.
Doing child care for our adult children has offered relevance. Having effectively co-parented two of our granddaughters and watched them bloom through various stages of life has offered reward and exhaustion.
My kids still ask for advice, even tho I’m 84 years old.
Grandchildren are the best reward! I get to play with and enjoy them in a way I couldn’t do with my son. (Time, stress, money may have diverted my attention.). I’m so happy that the morals, discipline, and freedom I gave him made him a great adult.
Well, I’m the adult kid here, but I only made it to 9 am before calling my mom to vent about all the stress I’m under, and then she came to help me fold laundry this evening. So…I think she’s still feeling a sense of purpose in parenting me.
It has been a pretty bad week, and even at 38 years old, I just needed to talk to my mom!
My son and his little family he’s 40 ,she 30 and new son 1 in a couple of weeks, live about 3-400 yards from me. He calls or texts me to come over at least 2 time a week and they visit a couple of times a week. I don’t get lonely! And I love it. We are planning a 3 generation trip soon.