Im a US medical doctor graduate who left his medical residency because of a parent with cancer and went back home to the east coast for emotional support. I don’t mind being around for support, going with my parents to doctors’ visits, etc. However, being at home with my parents has been having a huge psychological emotional impact on me in a negative way. They are very very hardcore conservatives/Trumpers, may also add they are minorities, Asian specifically. They support everything he does, including believe his BS lies, CUTTING FUNDING TO CANCER RESEARCH BC of “WASTE” (despite having cancer), supporting MEDICARE cuts (despite one of them using medicare to pay for cancer tx). I don’t even identify as super liberal or progressive or conservative. I just don’t play into Trump’s bullshit. On top of that (this is going to sound extremely absurd to some) they idolize white people. In fact, my dad he says to my face that my half-white nephew is “an improvement of our species”. Whenever I bring up comments like these to my mom, she minimizes my feelings and says I’m overreacting. There are times I feel inferior, feel worthless, and don’t belong. In addition, they basically guilt-trip me about going out and having a social life. Keep in mind I’ve never been arrested or hospitalized (and they very well know that). It’s a recurring thing for them to always give me shit about staying out past 12. In my area (just like many others), it’s very common for places to get poppin around this time/my friends wanting to meet around this time. I haven’t been out in a while, to the point people think I’m blowing them off. To be honest, I am afraid to even go out in general because I feel like just any instance I go out they will use it as ammunition against me. It doesn’t feel like “parents being parents”. It feels very authoritarian in a way (“you will abide by my rules”). When I say nothing’s happened before, they just simply say “not yet” (as if they want something to happen).
So I’ll be applying to medical residency again. To be honest, I feel inclined to go somewhere where I feel like I belong (e.g. west coast). But at the same time I still want to stick around and help financially, just being proactive about money for cancer research and social being cut. If you were in my position, would you stay or go somewhere else? I want to be around for support, but at the same time I am so sick of feeling like shit about who I am as a person.
Comments
Heal thyself!
I would say support what you believe. People who only want to control everything about other people will usually find themselves alone because they push everybody away. It is just a natural effect. You have a life to live and a future. Your parents dont really need you to babysit them. If they really needed you then they would treat what they need with more respect. It is not unreasonable to expect decent behavior for helping them out. Entitlement is being ungrateful and unthankful for things they believe they deserve. They lost the meaning of appreciation and privileges. They don’t realize they aren’t entitled. People who lose appreciation also lose people. I would say that happened to one of my relatives. Left to die alone because they were a jerk till death, while I would say a decent relative was surrounded by loved ones and friends. People always love someone who can appreciate others.
That’s really a tough spot to be in. Without getting too personal, how advanced is the cancer and what is the outlook like?
I get how you feel because you’re just trying to do the right thing and it can be emotionally taxing taking care of a sick parent. I just lost my mother last year.
I would just be honest with them and have an open conversation about their beliefs. Say something like, “it obvious we don’t see eye to eye on political ideology so I’d prefer not to discuss it with either of you.”
You’re in medical residency and taking care of a sick parent… you have NOTHING to feel inferior about. You seem like a standup person who has a good heart.
In regard to the racial stuff… I can’t really weigh in as a white guy, but that’s kind of messed up that they see your cousin as an improvement to the race.
I constantly have to fact check things my family sees on social media because that generation is just a lot more impressionable. They see what they see and don’t bother to look and see if there’s any truth to any of it.
Hang in there. Love them in spite of their faults and DO NOT let their flaws affect who you are.
I would handle it by not living with them. I would consider staying close by enough to help them as they need it.
I find certain individuals wonderful but not certain races. You can try and bring this up with your parents but they do sound entrenched.
I want you to repeat to yourself everyday you are around your parents that you are easily as wonderful as any other person of any other race. So do not under any circumstances live with them.
Go where you will be happy. You need to think about yourself and what you want.