So I turn 23 soon and I feel like I’m at a stagnant point. I graduated college last spring but can’t work in my field and start working towards the career I want without going to grad school (which I found out a little too late). On top of that, I’m struggling with the typical early adulthood issues: I don’t think I’m pretty, I feel like there’s nobody out there that will ever wanna date me, no huge friend group, and I’m worried I’ll never get to the point where I can start living an independent life (get my own place, pay for things etc). Everyone always tells me that I’m so young and it’ll all happen unexpectedly. I know I’m “only” 22 but it feels like I’m on a strict time clock here and the more time that passes the less likely I’ll achieve these things. So I’m curious to hear from people that have gone through this quarter life crisis and come out alive lol
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Finish college instead of dropping out.
Exercise
I would come out to my dad before I came out to my mom
I would tell my early 20 year old self to work up the courage to travel and go on a big solo trip, worked at different places (again maybe travel more), spoken up more without caring, took prepping for med school seriously. But really the big one is travel!!!
I’d put less pressure on myself and spend more time enjoying life. I’d find strong morals and faith sooner. I’d work on strengthening friendships more than boy relationships. I’d enjoy more moments with my family (parents and sister). I’d tell myself that I’m capable of a lot and believe in myself earlier on than I did. I’m 10 years older than you and remember that phase of life really well.
I would not accept a blind date set up by my coke dealer.
And quit drinking earlier.
Safe money and move away
Start strength training early, save & invest more and also travel!!!! You won’t regret that
Smoke less weed.
Not get married.
I would take more time off from work and not feel guilty about using sick time. I had an awful commute and most of my weekday time was spent working.
I would also be more deliberate about spending time with friends. I’m better at it now, but I wish I had nurtured more of my college friendships better at that time
Go beg someone to revisit my bipolar diagnosis with an ADHD lens.
List out your goals (not on a timeline.) And do something everyday, no matter how small, that moves yourself toward that goal. Also, open a Roth IRA w your bank and make small deposits as often as you can- even if it’s like $5-10/week.
i was VERY good at being in my 20s so i think the only things i’d have changed are: 1) going to therapy sooner, 2) trusting my judgment more, 3) going to the doctor/derm more consistently
Never open a credit card. Spend less time working and more time adventuring. Be more confident with leaving a partner when the red flags started appearing.
Well, I’d know how to speedrun learning how to communicate with my boyfriend. I’d have way more confidence when approaching him. I’d choose a better major in college. I’d have a way better idea of how to navigate my life at that horribly troubling period.
What I would do more: exercise, learn about nutrition and develop a better relationship with my body, make more/different types of friends, date more without the pressure of “succeeding”. Start therapy way earlier.
What I would do less: drink, gossip, worry about my future, mistake meanness/elitism for intelligence, cut my own bangs
In my experience these things don’t happen unexpectly, you just keep going doing your best at work and have a little faith that things will turn out okay. Hard work, perseverance, faith and a little luck. What I would do differently if I could go back, was worry a lot less about what other people are going to think. You are young and those feelings of insecurity and not belonging is normal and you will grow out of it if you’re willing to put in the work (not just a job but working on yourself). Also, be kind to yourself. Life is a learning journey, we are all doing this life thing for the first time. Cur yourself some slack and don’t forget to have a little fun along the way. The world is at your feet,try to enjoy the ride!
Not have kids. Love them more than anything but I hate being a parent
Breaking up with my boyfriend at the time. 6 years was too much
Work out. Like, so much exercise. Spend my money more wisely. Call my dad.
Drop out of Uni, save for a year and move out for the career that I’m doing right now. I’ve come to terms that things all happened the way they did but fuck do I wish I could have started sooner.
Saved more money while I was still living with my parents
Set myself up to be financially independent by 40.
I just want to address the clock thing: as long as you’re alive, the clock is still going.
Yes, some things are literally off limits at certain ages, like joining the military, but those are quite few!
I agree with all the advice to save money, get your own place, figure out who you are and who you wanna be.
That things will work itself out/trust the process/ask questions, do the thing(s) that seems scary, date around/meet people/not jump into a relationship right away bc of societal expectations, and travel more.
Change my university degree/career path and start therapy earlier to understand myself better earlier.
I would take up running. I discovered running two years ago (when I was 45) after a lifetime of believing I just couldn’t do it due to clumsiness. Well, I can do it. And it’s done wonders for my health and self-esteem. I think if I had started running in my 20s, the mental health issues I had in my late 20s and 30s may not have been so severe. And I’d probably be doing marathons by now.
Depends, do I get to keep the knowledge I have now, or is it wiped? I have new mistakes I’d like to make!
Stop partying as much.
I wished I saved 20-30% of my income. Back then I thought money would keep coming so why I need to save. But the compound interest on savings will multiply them. I’d be much better off financially now.
So save money and invest them.
I’d try living in another country for a while. Not just traveling, but really living in one place for a year or two and having a normal job. I wish I’d shaken things up a little more, moved around more, tried more things instead of being so self conscious and in my head about what I should do.
That said, to respond to your full question– I know you probably hate to hear it, but you’re so young. Nothing you mentioned (dating, friend group, living independently) comes with a deadline and certainly not a deadline of age 22 or 23. I had no idea what I was doing at 22, no one I knew did. You just stumble through it, don’t give up, and see how life unfolds.
I honestly have always wished I would have prioritized higher education for myself when I was younger. I still love learning albeit on a different pace and scale.
As life happens between my husband and I though, and funny you posted this, he sent me a post this instance as he’s sitting in the hospital, that said “If I was 21 again, I’d marry my wife all over again.” I feel the same, if I changed my life something on the timeline, I wouldn’t have met him. So I don’t think looking back now, I would change anything for myself personally. Life is strange when it works itself out.
good luck! I hope everything in your life prosper in ways you didn’t imagine 🙂
never open a credit card and leave my emotionally abusive relationship the moment i noticed it wasn’t normal.
I would NOT have gotten married (at 21) or had a baby (at 22).
Girl, as a 36 year old… my advice. Get your masters, and take it slow… REALLY enjoy not having anything that ties you down to anything… assuming at 23 you don’t have that many bills. Be smart about finances and savings, investing… even if it’s just $5 here and there… be smart and take that birth control. Don’t worry about dating- dating sets you back a lot, IMO.
If I still had my memories from now. Well, I would only work one job instead of 2. I would not help my other brother out. That honestly dragged me down. Save up money, exercise and eat healthy. I would get some hobbies and start studying languages. I wouldn’t hang out with the people I considered friends at all. When I come into my money from a deceased relative. I would pay off some debt like I did before. I would buy a used car again.
Then for the rest, I would take Ayahuasca and focus on my healing journey. Ayahuasca is a spiritual plant medicine that helps with trauma. It gets right to the source. I honestly recommend it to everyone. Of course do your own research. I don’t trust therapists because they are human. I don’t believe there are many good ones out there either, tbh. Also, I don’t trust easily, so beep boop beep. Anyways, hopefully by 27-30years old, I’d be “healed” up and ready to start going after my career.
Join the peace corps or americorps, be a staffer for ASP, take more risks and seasonal/temporary jobs- my life likely wouldn’t be much different except for a lack of immune issues associated with chronic stress and I’d have more cool stories and memories
Stay single, have more fun, focus more on work/making money/career.
Go on a diet, exercise more, and start saving for plastic surgery. Lol
Study something different for my Master’s degree.
I’d save my money , go to the gym , and not sleep with like half the guys I did because it was a total waste and they didn’t deserve a crumb of 😽 .
I don’t know anyone who graduates from college and starts working in their field – outside of Computer Science or Technical School
Make a financial plan to save and invest better. Not get married at 24 (or ever in my 20s) and get a dog sooner.
I’d put more effort into enjoying my youth and slowing the fuck down.
I’d try to be better with money and more open to experiences. I was (still am) a huge introvert and I deeply regret not doing the crazy/wild/fun stuff everyone seems to have done in their 20s. Now I build legos and paint in my free time? but idk, would’ve liked a taste of that wild life
A few things: Exercise, break-up with my ex wayyyyyy sooner and travel more