So when I was freshly 18 I stupidly decided to date a 28 year old. Luckily it was for three months but the damage was done. He ended up lying to me about how many children he had, had a baby on me, he was also living a double life. I found that out when his actual partner messaged me and told me. He also pressured me to sleep with him without protection by saying to me multiple times “I won’t finish”. I gave in. Looking back I wish I would’ve told him to F off. Luckily I didn’t catch anything because per his girlfriend and now wife he was sleeping with the whole town. She wasn’t that older than me either. She was just 20 going on 21.
To young girls, from someone who is still young, I understand how most guys in our 20s are immature , red pilled, and we want to feel loved. I promise you the grass isn’t greener on the other side. Now there are some exceptions where an age gap relationship works but in most cases, it’s when the person is 30 or nearing 30. Fool around and make mistakes with guys your age. Yes you still might get hurt but the hurt and trauma will be different. Don’t make the decision I made. I’m still processing that trauma of having my first relationship being traumatic. I wish I had a cutesy story to tell about my first love. But I don’t.
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Pro tip: If an older man in a leadership role sees “potential” in you, it’s likely going to end in Quid Quo Pro.
Try 18 and 40. 🤢 You live and learn (and hopefully get enough therapy to heal). So sorry this happened to you OP. It’s a hard reality to confront and move on from.
Girls, you are not mature for your age. At BEST they are mentally and emotionally immature men who cannot relate to women their age because they refuse to grow up and you will outgrow them as you mature (I did…4 years later; he moved on to another 19 year old). At worst…they’re groomers looking to abuse you.
Boys are dumb and stupid age for age, but men are, too. The ones preying on girls half their age just have the cleverness and experience to pull it off. If something doesn’t feel right, trust your gut and GTFO.
Sadly this is men at all ages
> Now there are some exceptions where an age gap relationship works but in most cases, it’s when the person is 30 or nearing 30.
I don’t think this will mislead most people, but there are plenty of guys who never grow out of or actively decide to be a better person after 30. Actually, the older the jerk the harder it may be for them to change.
I don’t think specific age/s matter as much as the person and personality. Granted, a man who is looking to take advantage of you is going to be exceedingly comfortable with lying to extremes. The younger you are, the less certain you may be about yourself and the less confident you may be to assert your boundaries – this is the vulnerability of youth that a manipulative personality will take advantage of the most.
There’s various matrices of manipulative (and abusive) techniques that a person can use to invalidate, dismiss, spin, and rationalize off the things that are important to you. Always know that someone who ultimately doesn’t implicitly value and actively empathize with your thoughts, feelings, and boundaries – probably is working with ulterior motives. This negligence can be borne from intent or ignorance alike, but the damage is the same either way. If standing up for yourself is treated as being unreasonable, it’s a huge red flag.
I’m waving around here, there are a lot of books that talk about this and I could digress all day. Be careful out there! If a guy acts like you’re ‘trying to change me’ when you address concerns and how you want to be treated in a relationship, either he isn’t ready to grow up or he specifically wants room to exploit your inclination for kindness.
Back in secondary school I had a classmate who was 15 and was dating a 26 year old guy. At the time it rubbed me the wrong way but I couldn’t figure out why. Now it disturbs me more than it did back then
I like sharing my story as it’s a little different but points to life stages being extremely important, even if the dude isn’t an asshole
my mom set me up with a guy and he just assumed I was his age. I was hardly 19 and he was 25 about to be 26. talk about a great guy. good head on his shoulders, affectionate, adventurous, and realistic. when we found out our ages, he was certainly weirded out, but we were having a genuinely great time.
it all broke down when the relationship became serious because I was just a kid and he was worried about a 5 year plan and getting his career off the ground. I was serving and giving up shifts to go hiking. nothing wrong with any of that, point is I was living at home with bills but not rent and he was like a real man trying to live in the world.
in the end, my own mental health struggles got the best of me and I went for someone recently out of prison for attempted murder………… calling the good guy “boring” right to his face as he cried. my god I was such a bitch. but he was just a normal dude living life and treating his girlfriend right!! but I was in too different of a spot so it didn’t work out (add mental health struggles too…)