I’ve never felt wanted by a guy and I’m soon to be 30F. In my teen years, I was always ignored and discarded in favour of other pretty girls or heck, even my friends. Still to this day, I feel so left out of a conversation when my friends gossip about guys hitting on them and chasing after them. It’s never happened to me and has made me feel less of a woman.
It sucks never being the girl that’s choosen. It just gives you that same feeling like being picked last in a sports game. It’s an awful feeling. What’s worse is that for once I thought I got noticed and appreciated (ex boyfriend) but I was just a placeholder until something better would come along and I was treated like annoyance just by existing, for 6 years. I was never pretty enough to keep his attention or keep it off other girls. The hardest part is I try my best and it’s never enough. I’m never enough for some reason. I don’t know what is so wrong with me and what makes me so undesirable. I feel like the clearance rack that no one wants. There is always some girl that’s better. I’m never that ‘’better’’ in someone’s eyes. I’ve been talking to a guy on an dating app for several weeks and I was so excited to have a date but he cancelled, saying he had a headache. He said we could met another day but I was basically the one ‘’setting it up’’ asking what day worked. He didn’t seem that keen on seeing me suddenly and his interest just dropped. It feels like my existence is just a bother to guys and they don’t want anything to do with me.
I feel so stupid now for even having hope that maybe this guy could want me, just like all other times when I’ve gotten my hopes up. . Just like how I felt about my ex. This was just a reminder that no one wants me and I’m so disposable. I’ll never inspire or give a guy butterflies or have someone be excited about me. I would have just want for once in my life be wanted instead of watching everyone around me have these experiences.
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People used to pay to f*ck me and whatnot and I still feel disposable at times. I am trying to just love myself instead of love the idea of others loving me. Are you in therapy? The right therapist can help you respect yourself more. I understand the need for companionship and the pain of loneliness. You deserve to find someone who will make you feel sexy and empowered. That being said, you don’t need a man to complete you! Again, I know this part of the picture that is life is painful. Sometimes I can’t bear how many others don’t truly value me, but it really isn’t the end of the world. Maybe you have better things to do than please a man. You are important alone. Hope this helps.