I’m not asexual
In order to detail my situation, I’m a 22 years old man and I’ve never experienced any encountered with a girl or had a girlfriend yet. I don’t suffer from it, but I’m questionning myself seeing my friends and even my little sister have somebody in their life. I’m good looking (way above average according to people around me), 5’8, about to start my 6th year of studies in computer science (PhD) etc. I’m pretty convinced I could manage to find myself a girlfriend if I wanted to, but the lack of women around me (computer science laboratory isn’t the best place for dating lol). But I’m very introverted, and dedicated to my sport and studies, and I feel like trying to meet so girls would just be to much of a load for me. I need my space and my lack of experience with women (even platonically) leaves me socially behind and will require a lot of effort to get “up to date”.
**TL;DR;** :
Am I wrong about not wanting to encounter girls (and people in general), and can this be a problem in the future if I decide to find a partner.**TL;DR;** :
Thank you for your help.
Comments
I also did computer science bachelors and masters. For me I regret doing my masters because any job I found after didn’t really need it. But that’s also because I didn’t really perform at a masters level. In the end a degree is just a piece of paper. Your personal ability and skill level is what’s important in the market.
After that I worked for ten years, made alot of money and got a large mortgage and dream apartment. Even got a girlfriend. But it all fell apart. Because I was on the path of a boring NPC life. I always hated the idea of being a normie like everyone else. I’m INTJ which is typical for tech guys. So I broke up, sold my apartment, now I’m traveling the world as a digital nomad, renting AirBnBs
My biggest regret is wasting so much time studying and working for an apartment that I ended up selling because I actually never wanted that life. It was more a milestone too see if I could have it. I’ve always felt that “the more stuff you own the more your stuff owns you”. Always felt this but hey everyone else got that stuff so maybe I’m wrong? I thought. I should get all that stuff and check how I will feel about it, I thought.
Anyways turns out that fitness, dating and EQ is something that takes years to build. Studying and working is only IQ or Academic Intelligence. A very small dimension of all the dimensions you need as a human in life. And yes to have a good quality of life you do need everything.
So I started developing my other skills and dimensions in my early 30s. But I would recommend you start as early as possible Even if it’s just a little bit everyday. You will regret being old and low-skilled.
But take this advice with a big grain of salt because you are not me.
Almost-40-year-old woman here who has never dated or kissed anyone.
I say that the most important part is that you are happy. Being “socially behind” is a thing, yes, but just because everyone else is doing something doesn’t mean that it is what you should do as well (at this point).
If you feel like meeting girls and having a girlfriend, with everything that means – meeting up, going on dates, making time for her, communicating with her even if you don’t meet up – is something that sounds more like a chore than a fun thing you would love to do, then… don’t do it. Not just for yourself, but also because people can tell when your heart isn’t into something and you’d just end up hurting the woman. Don’t date for others/society, don’t date because you feel you “have to”. Both you and any potential partner deserve better.
But if you actually wish you’d have a connection with someone like your friends and sister have, then that’s probably different. Then you should sit down with yourself and reflect. You might still come to the conclusion that while you feel a bit lonely, your career simply matters more right now and that at this moment in time, you’re too busy to be a good partner for someone. Or you might come to the conclusion that you would actually like a girlfriend and to experience that sort of connection, but you are hiding away because of worries or anxieties – of not finding someone you like, of being rejected, of not knowing how to be a good partner, of being ridiculed for being inexperienced…
If that ends up being the case and “lazy”, as you said in the title, is actually more a case of “afraid”, then yes, you could still just decide to do nothing and hope that you get approached by a woman one day. It could happen. But overall, fortune favors the bold and while you will probably not find your perfect match immediately, just putting yourself out there would raise your chances sharply.