I’m 23M (not American, so i should begin with saying that there’s no military career and no community colleges here).
In high school i was a decent student (i used to compete in national math exams in primary and middle school) but in the end i gave up and messed the national entrance exams for universities. I decided to try for a second time, although i was in deep depression and i didn’t believe in myself and failed again. I’ve never stepped my foot on a university and i feel like i don’t remember anything i was taught in school. (even the simplest Maths look hard to to me today)
At 19 after failing for the second time, i started working in a warehouse, it was a dead end job with no actual prospects of achieving anything and the company had to cut their expenses so they laid me off after a year.
At 20 i had some money and i decided to travel. I spend a few months all over the EU and i also visited some countries in Asia and north Africa. I thought that traveling would give me a new perception or maybe inspire me to do something with my life, but no, i just spent all of my savings.
At 21 i told myself that i was time to become serious and i went to learn a trade. Unfortunately I’m very uncoordinated and bad with my hands (like seriously), my limbs are shaking every time i try to lift anything heavy and i probably have undiagnosed ADHD and autism which doesn’t help.
I spend a few months in the trades but the tradesmen got quickly fed up with me and told me that I’ll never make it.
Fast forward it’s been a year now that I’m unemployed. I live with my partners and i feel like im being a leech (in my country most people live with their parents until their late 20s or early 30s so it’s also cultural). I spend most of days doomscrolling and feeling empty.
I have no passions nor strong interests. It seems like I’ve tried everything so far but with no success. I really wanted to study but now i believe that i unfortunately have a very low intelligence and that it wouldn’t work (i mean i already failed the exams twice)
I don’t have any friends or social life. I’ve been groundhog’s day for a year now. I know that i should move fast, but i feel like i have no courage. The whole situation sounds like textbook depression, but I’m being very honest here.
Everytime i have to interact with other people in social settings i just feel out of place. Like i just question my existence, i feel like im in the wrong place and that im so much different than everyone else. I guess people can notice that, because nobody seems ever interested to talk to me.
Also it seems like im an individual that is afraid of everything. Like i got my driving license at 19 and it’s been almost 4 years that i haven’t driven. I feel like everyone is going so fast and my reflexes are terrible. I’m so anxious about crashing and i don’t want anyone to get hurt because of me, that’s why i tremble to sit behind the wheel, but it’s also messing with my mind.
Is there any chance i could make it? What do you think about my situation? Where should i start? Maybe it’s too late to do anything now?
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You’re 23- take a breath – be intentional and take action but you have plenty of time- you’re life can be unrecognizable very quickly- 6 years ago I was 30, getting fired- we’ve bought and sold 2x since then (family move last year, bummer but right move) lay off, new job, 3 promotions (in corp America now) several trips abroad and my 2 year old is now turning 8 on our Seattle trip next week.
Point is- you decide where this goes- it’s 100% up to you- and you can be 30 and lost in 7 years or 30 and crushing it
All starts with just moving forward in a positive direction. If you spend your time catastrophizing – it’ll be no beuno.
It’s probably cliche, but have you talked to a therapist? You’re still so young that you have plenty of time to figure your life out. But depression and anxiety can take the wind out of your sails and make every day life a struggle. We all go through periods of questioning what the hell we’re doing. I’m in my mid-40s and it still comes and goes. But you are in the early stages of your life, and maybe you don’t go to university and become a surgeon or something, but everyone is good at something and passion comes from finding that something. But don’t wallow. The days feel long, but the years go fast my friend.
I’ve had 5 completely different careers since I was 23.. If you have the Internet, you have access to loads of free university classes from the best professors and all the world’s knowledge. I recommend skills that you can do remotely like programming, web dev, digital marketing, AI stuff, video editing, etc.
23? Too late in life? I started going to university when I was 30. I’ve changed careers 3 times now. My first kid will be born when I’m 38. One thing I’ve learnt is it’s never too late.
My suggestion is, for right now, if you really genuinely do think you have undiagnosed adhd, get that seen to.
I’m no shrink so I’m not going to tell you you have depression, but it certainly sounds like you’re depressed due to circumstances, where as I think “having depression” is when things are otherwise great and you’re still unhappy. Sounds like things are not great. But don’t let “it’s too late to do anything about” thoughts stop you from doing anything about it. It is not too late. If you were 40 asking the same question I’d tell you the same thing. Never too late.
You’re quite early with that realization :), so relax and take one step at a time. You still have yearssss to work on your future (and to figure out how you want your future to look like). Also going to a therapist when you suspect AuDHD is a good start :). I was kinda in the same boat. Don’t pressure yourself too much (I should take my own advice lol, it’s still challenging sometimes).
Stop doomscrolling. Get a job.
That may sound direct, but it’s said with love. Let me share a secret with you; very few people in their 20s have their shit together. But on socials, we only see a highly manicured and managed narrative about how great they’re doing. It’s total bullshit. Stop looking at it, it’s very, very, VERY bad for your mental health.
On the job front; literally anything. I’m assuming you’re not American, so I don’t know what the local equivalent of flipping burgers at McDonald’s is, but even that is better than sitting at home feeling bad about yourself. You feel that way because you’re not doing anything. You don’t do anything because you feel bad about yourself. It is a vicious cycle. Even something with no prestige, no acclaim, and low wages does something for you; a built in sense of accomplishment at the end of the day. Even accomplishing a small task every day will have a noticeable impact on your self worth.
Do those things and then start thinking about what you want to do with your life. Your 20s, in my opinion, are for figuring that out and positioning yourself to do it. On that note; it’s okay that you don’t have strong interests. Getting out of the house to go to work will inherently introduce you to things.
Last thing; be kind to yourself. Everyone has imposter syndrome. Everyone second guesses themselves. And very few adults actually have any fucking idea what they’re doing. The overwhelming majority of us are just trying to get along alright. Beating yourself up about being a 20 something isn’t going to help.
23 is the time to make stupid decisions and live carelessly.
Also, at 23, you’re not old enough to have been wasting your life for years
Step 1. Tell yourself the truth and things you dont like about yourself
Step 2. Read it every day until its solved or stops being a problem
You can be anyone its up to you and how big is your ambition and motivation. Life’s not easy we all play the same game
Where are you from though? It helps to know your background because most people are Americans and will give you their American perspective.