I work from home and she works on-site.
We’ve been living together for about one and a half year now, I do everything for daily since I’m the one staying and working at home, so I have the time to always cook for us, do all our laundry, it’s easy cause I got an automatic washing machine, now if I don’t do things for her she gets a little bit upset.
Since we lived together, it feels like I’m just becoming a “maid”. I always make sure I take her to work and get her after work, it’s just a 30 minutes drive so no problem and it doesn’t have a conflict of schedule with my work so why not, It’s better to make sure that I know she will get to work and back to home safely.
Before we get to live together, our sexual intimacy is bad, we’ve met on a dating app and now I think it’s becoming worse, I always initiate everything, she kiss and hug me and all but that’s it, when it comes to sex it’s okay with her even we reach a month of no sex and she will not still initiate.
I opened to her about it but it’s still the same and now it’s becoming worse, often when I try to initiate she always tells me that she’s “tired” and she prefer to just watch on her phone or watch TV if we’re just staying at home on weekends cause she says it’s only her rest day, our sex life sucks, I have an average manhood size of a 14 pro max for size reference, I try pleasure her as much as I can and after that, that’s just it no pleasure for me in return, it’s okay for me if it’s just a one time thing but this is going on for like the rest of our relationship.
With all these it feels like it’s now a one-sided relationship, I realize that I should make myself not always available for her eventho we live together cause she isn’t for me and it feels like I lose self-respect if I just let it be like this always, I’m starting to feel like a maid here eventho I shoulder more than half of our expenses here and it feels like it’s unfair for me.
I’m becoming irritative like last week, I usually let it be when she often leave her laundry just hanging in the bathroom until I do our laundry even when the laundry basket is just literally outside the bathroom and becoming irritative that I am with all these things I’m feeling, I told her about it that she should at least put it in the basket and in the end she gets upset with me.
All these little things that I’m starting to think I just become a maid, not a bf anymore, you know someone who would do things for someone and in return you only just get a salary and nothing else but the salary is non-existent.
For example, she often wants me to give her massages like immediately and gets displeasure when I don’t do it immediately but when I’m the one asking it, it’ll take days before she even do it for me up to sometimes I just forget about that I asked for it eventho my back hurt af due to work.
TL;DR, I’m thinking to tell her that if she doesn’t or at least try to make up with my needs as a man and partner, I will stop doing things for her or limit the things I do for her?
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Just show it with your actions and not words
I’m going to save you years of wasted time – she isn’t going to change. Her deep seated lack of initiative, motivation, and insight has nothing to do with you.
End this relationship to find someone who splits life responsibilities with you equitably, engages with you in a meaningful way, doesn’t exploit and use you for your money/labor, and CARES about the relationship. She literally doesn’t give a shit about you or the relationship.
She’s using you for sure. Ultimatums don’t typically go well. I’d just end it and move on.
Stop doing all these things. You work from home. That means you work during the day. Stop doing the laundry, stop taking her to and from work – how would she do this if you couldn’t? Stop doing all the cooking and cleaning. You are making it very easy for her.
I wouldn’t talk to her about your sexual issues as your “needs as a man” not being met. I’d approach it more as “It hurts me that we aren’t having sex, and I miss being intimate with you. Are you unsatisfied with our sex life, too?”
Sex isn’t payment for anything – it’s part of a relationship, so don’t bring up anything about it being a salary. You live there, so the issue isn’t that you’re doing laundry or cleaning – it’s that you’re doing ALL of it.
So just talk to her. Don’t accuse, have a conversation.
You’re not her boyfriend right now you’re her unpaid Uber driver, personal chef, therapist, and housekeeper. That’s not a relationship, it’s a full-time job without benefits. You’re allowed to expect something back. Respect isn’t a luxury, it’s the bare minimum
I think you should have a straight up have a conversation that you would like her to share in some “house” responsibilities. Its not working anymore. Name some things that would be nice if she did. Ask her to pick 1 or 2.
Unfortunately, you’ve backed yourself into a weird corner. Out of convenience you have taken on too much and she now just knows you’ll do it, so she expects it now. Sexwise, this is just how she is. If it’s been this way from the start, its just not a priority for her. I highly doubt this will change. In fact, it might just get worse with age. If this bothers you now, it might be time to move on. You’re practically living alone as it is. In fact, you will have less to do since you won’t need to take her to and from work and pick up after another person. She’s taking you for granted. Only thing you can do is calmly say this isnt working, we need to share in the day to day tasks and that you want more connection and quality time together. If she doesnt hear you and try to find a happy medium, you have your answer. Its just not important to her. Do you want to be with someone who doesnt consider you and the relationship a priority?
You’re in a one sided relationship and she’s only there for convenience. Normal couples share the household chores and have regular sex. Sit her down and tell her you’re at breaking point. Tell her everything you wrote in this post. Tell her that at least if your sex life does not improve in the next weeks you will break up with her. At this stage she’s using you, free cook, free taxi service, free maid service, reduced rent. Do you still want her if she won’t change? You might be better off without her.
Don’t fall for the chore play lie, OP. https://www.aei.org/articles/guys-who-do-housework-get-less-sex/
you are only 26. You are too young to be stuck in a relationship that’s going nowhere. You two are not compatible. Find someone who is.
It does sound like she’s only interested in you as a maid and a free Uber driver. Now you have to decide if that’s a healthy relationship for you because she’s not interested in sex with you or sharing the household workload. She just wants to be waited on hand and foot.