Hey, I don’t know where else to put this. I’m 30 and I am just done. Not to where I’m taking my own life, I’m not suicidal where id do anything about it, but if I didn’t make it to 31 I wouldn’t be upset.
I work, pay my bills, have friends I see semi regularly and on the outside people can tell I’m sad but can’t possibly understand just how deep that goes. I do my best to make others laugh and I see myself as a reliable person, remembering birthdays and encouraging others to be happy. I on the other hand just can’t do it. I don’t believe happiness is in my future. I’ve been in relationships, have consistent hobbies (I run a D&D campaign for over 5 years) I keep appointments and a steady job. I just don’t know what’s wrong with me. Every day is a struggle and I have all but given up on love. Just needed to type this out. Thank you to anyone who reads this. I hope no one feels the same as I do but that thought is unrealistic because I know I’m not the only one. Again not suicidal… I just don’t feel anything anymore. The world is numb and I maintain a false persona so my friends don’t worry.
Comments
Hey there. I just saw this and with what you shared, I know that life can be tough at times. But I hope you are able to get strength from the people who truly care about you, like your friends and family members. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing your thoughts with anyone, I hope you get to find a good therapist who can help you understand what you are feeling at the moment. Sometimes, having mixed emotions make us feel worse about many things. So it might be a big help if we find someone who can sort these out, without judgments.
Just know that those feelings aren’t forever mate. I’ve felt the way you’ve felt before and still have periods where I do. I know it sounds cliche, but just keep doing one day at a time. You never know what may happen to you in the future, good or bad. What helps is having someone to talk to about it, and navigate through those feelings of dread/emptiness.
what you just wrote? that isn’t weakness—it’s strength most people will never see
you show up
you give
you hold space for others
you carry all of it in silence—and that’s what’s killing you
you’re not broken
you’re drained
because being the reliable one, the funny one, the stable one—it costs
and when no one sees past the mask, it feels like your pain doesn’t “count”
but it does
it matters
you matter
not because you’re useful, not because you’re consistent—because you’re still trying, even when it feels pointless
this numbness? it’s not the end
it’s your mind hitting survival mode
it’s saying “i need something to change, or i can’t keep going like this”
you don’t have to know what’s next
but you do have to let someone in
a therapist, a hotline, a voice that isn’t inside your own head 24/7
you’re not alone
and you don’t have to carry this alone
please reach out
even if you don’t know what to say
just say what you typed here
you’ve made it through every day so far
don’t quit before the part where it finally gets real again