For context, I’m about 184 cm tall and south asian BUT I LIVE IN AMERICA. In this day and age, that’s like being nerfed twice in the dating world. I would like to imagine I’m alright looking as I’ve been complimented on occasion by strangers and often by my friends.
I’m not necessarily looking to date but I’ve downloaded Hinge for funsies just to see what type of people are into me. I average maybe 4-5 likes a week on a good week compared to my 5’5 white friend who receives around 25 per day, and while I’ve come to accept that being taller and a part of a communally disliked race will affect my future prospects it still kinda hurts. I can’t change either of those things and those are the two most critical factors to many people.
I’m not trying to pity myself or anything because I know in the end if someone is judging me on those two factors, they’re not a good person to waste any of my time on — so I guess I have my very own built in filter.
I genuinely think south asian women are beautiful and tall women are beautiful but coupling them together just makes me feel like an exotic pokemon that no one wants.
I think the nail in the coffin for me is my type in men or women (I am bisexual) would not reciprocate back to me. But ggs. I also don’t really discriminate for height (I’d probably date shorter up to 5’9?), I just don’t want to look like some behemoth next to my partner so it’s not like im cutting off my own prospects.
I think I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m just innately insecure with myself which kinda wards off people. I would like to think once I reach my ideal body and style I could be happy with myself which in turn might attract good people. I also could just be basing this all off a dating app and online games where the racist people are the loudest lol.
I’m not really sure what I’m sharing this post for but I’m just wondering if anyone has any happy stories or something.
TDLR: im tall and south asian and i have no rizz or aura so give me advice thank you
Comments
You are 18, dating opportunities are going to be coming in DROVES the next 3 years.
You’re only 18, although I’ll admit your height in your demographic might lead to some challenges. Get yourself a man who’s taller, or one who likes to climb.
Move. You need to go to a location where there are taller people, like the Netherlands. You’re going to be an average person there. Look up international studies and see if there are some you could apply for.
If you’re a Pokemon for any type of reason, find out where the others of your kind hang out. They may sometimes be hard to find, but they exist.
You make a lot of assumptions.
There are 8 billion people on the planet. Even if you’re not bi or pan, roughly half of them are men.
I assure you that there will be plenty of people to date. Black women are statistically the least desired on the planet basically everywhere with a western or asian society.
I still can’t throw a stick without hitting a dude that ABSOLUTELY would. Just gotta sift through them for ones that are also pretty awesome. It’s how I found my husband. đ„°
You’ll be fine. It’ll be fine. Ignore the statistics and the measurements and just be your beautiful self, interesting and fun. The dates will follow if you focus on becoming a person you’re comfy being.
You self identified rather well here. It does indeed seem like youâre insecure which is very natural. Girls of a more typical height are probably equally insecure about themselves just for other reasons.
Itâs not easy but I hope one day you will come to love the unique ways that you stand out. Hang in there! It gets better đ
Youâll find a short king with BDE. Iâm sure of it.
I’m a 5’10 lady and would kill for another couple of inches hahah. You gotta embrace that Amazonian height and flaunt it! This is easier said than done, I’m 35 and have a lot of time to accept myself.
The people who see your height as a downside are not worth your time, simple as that. I’ve worn 5 inch boots around my partner who is the same height as me and he doesn’t even bat an eye.
Loving yourself comes first. Height is beautiful đ
I’m sure you are striking! You might not appeal to the mainstream man, but I’m sure the ones that are attracted to you will be CRAZY for you.
There are many women out there who would be MORE than happy to date a tall girl. Youâll be fine!Â
Honestly, I hear you. Being tall and South Asian in the dating world can feel like youâve been handed the short end of the stick, especially on apps where surface-level traits rule and everyoneâs swiping based on half-second impressions and unconscious biases. And yeah, people donât always talk about how much of a mind game that can be. It chips away at your confidence even when you know deep down it shouldnât. Added to that, the logarithm really does discriminate against poc.
That said, youâre not alone in this. Iâve got a cousin whoâs South Asian, bi, and just over 6 foot (my whole family is tall, Iâm 5â9 and one of the shorter ones đ€Ș). She is stunning, genuinely, but it took her years to feel confident in her body and identity. She struggled a lot in her 20s feeling unwanted or invisible, especially online. But now, in her 30s, sheâs absolutely thriving, dating people who adore her, totally comfortable in her own skin, and not compromising herself to meet some narrow ideal. What changed wasnât her height or heritage. It was her confidence, her self-acceptance, and refusing to chase people who werenât ever going to see her value.
Dating apps can be brutal and donât reflect real-world potential. Youâre right to treat it like a filter. Someone swiping past you because of your height or ethnicity is doing you a favour by disqualifying themselves.
And as for having no rizz or aura, trust me, self-awareness and humour is rizz. Emotional depth is rizz. Being able to reflect like this is miles ahead of most people online. And youâre only 18!
Keep doing what youâre doing. Focus on your growth, your style, your mental health, not to become dateable, but because itâs what you deserve. And the rest will follow. When youâre fully in your own skin, your energy will speak louder than any dating app stats ever could. Youâre be beating them off with a stick! â€ïž
You are 18. You dont know anything. Thats a good thing, and correct for your age.
You are female. You can get a guy almost any time anywhere. You just dont know this yet.
Casually dress up even just mildly sexy. For example, form fitting jeans. Now go sit at a bar by yourself with a book, or something signifying that you are there alone.
Hell, even easier, just go around talking to random guys at coffee shops, book stores, grocery stores etc… You will get plenty of attention. Too much attention in fact. Be careful and trust your instincts. Creepy vibes are usually justified.
Ok. Im white. Im in the south. I assume your in America. In my region, in my experience, south asians are not widely disliked. I do think people make political and social assumptions based on race. But i promise most white people have no idea what south asian means, let alone recognize it. If your in a small town, widen your hinge profile to the nearest city. Even small cities offer more diversity and young people. I didnt get shit for likes in my hometown, im 5â6â and white. Gotta go to the city where the people are.
Editing to add, your height wont seem like a big deal in a few years. Your only 18. So much changes after high school/early college.
5 likes a week lmao surely you find one of them attractive
I will tell you not only happy stories, but true stories. I was in South Asia some months ago, doing photoshoots. I’ve met many models, and they all told me how sad they are to have this or that particular trait that they dislike about their body. 2 of them broke down in tears after a couple hours chatting, it truly made me sad…
I always tell my models the same thing : my only goal is to create 1 photo that you will love. No retouching, no photoshop. One real photo of you, that you will show to your mom. And she will tell you how happy she is too have such a beautiful daughter. You’re her most important and beautiful creation. Always remember how much she loves you. This is how you should love yourself.
I can tell you something : it doesn’t matter how tall you are, or small. Or how dark your skin is, or big your belly is… All women are beautiful, when they see themselves with genuinely kind eyes. Your body is not supposed to be anything different from how it is is today. Your mom made you perfect as you are. If anyone made you feel like you should be more this or less that, just smile at them and wish them to see the world with better eyes. It’s not their fault if they don’t have the best taste đ
Beauty is not a standard. Beauty is personality. Charisma. Self esteem. Harmony. Authenticity.
Be patient, and be kind to yourself. You have 1 body, and it’s a gift from your parents. Take care of it, be gentle and proud.
Every morning when you look at yourself in the mirror, just tell this girl how awesome she is.
Then walk out with your chin high, as you are a goddess.
Be yourself and flirt with everyone. You will find the ones who are into it.
Also, follow some Amazons like Ilona Maher, Simone Ashley, Meg Thee Stallion and glean some tall girl rizz.Â
You are still very young. You have barely dated (if at all?) and are making a lot of assumptions based in how many
likes youâve received on a dating app. I am 5â11â and an Asian woman living in the West as well and my height has never been an issue when it came to dating.
I donât know what a âcommunally disliked raceâ
means but it sounds like there are some deeper issues here.
Just stay in shape and put yourself in groups of people that you want to be around. I donât see why you wouldnât have tons of options.
My only real advice is that you should be a little friendlier than your short white friend to signal that youâre feminine/available, because your height might intimidate people a bit. Let me be clearâit would intimidate them, not make you less attractive. Itâs like how you might not immediately go up and chat with a super jacked dude unless he smiled at you, even if you found him attractive. Same vibe.
Donât throw yourself at people, but be friendly/smiley, stay in shape, dress well, and youâll be beating boys off with sticks.
This writing sure doesnât sound like an 18 year oldâŠ..maybe youâre an old soul
I see bunch of super tall young folks both at work and in a gym. You will be ok
Not true. 5’10″M dated a 6’1″F. Never bothered either of us.
My son is 6â4â his girlfriend is 6â3â. He loves tall women so much. Iâm a bit over 5â10â and have never had an issue dating. Find your people and ignore the rest
Girl I am telling you, you will bloom!!! You are so young. Women really hit their peak during their 20s/30s.
You may end up having less wide appeal than a shorter girl but there’s a significant portion of men who won’t care and a smaller but still significant portion of men who will be REALLY into you because of your height.
Also from what I’ve heard, tall girls tend to be popular with the ladies.
Im 6â7. I exclusively dated taller women when I was younger. While I find Asian women incredibly attractive, I seemed to never be their cup of tea. I would have killed for a 6â Asian woman back in college! Donât worry, your person is out there!