Hi everyone,
I’m writing this with a heavy heart. I’m a 20-year-old boy from Swat, KPK, from a traditional Pashtun family. I’ve always known I’m gay — I’ve never been attracted to girls, and I deeply admire older men, especially those between 30–35 years of age. But in a society like mine, I can never express this safely.
There’s someone I really like — he’s married and straight, and he doesn’t know anything about how I feel. It hurts so much. I keep asking Allah why He made me like this. I feel stuck between my faith, my culture, and my heart. I cry silently at night and don’t know who to talk to.
I don’t want to do anything wrong, I just want peace inside my heart and someone to talk to who understands.
Please, if anyone else here is from Pakistan or KPK and can relate — even just to say “you’re not alone” — it would mean the world to me.
Thank you for reading this.
— A confused soul from Swat
Comments
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Hey man don’t listen that commenter (he is the reasons Islamic countries are living in the middle ages!). It’s really normal. I hope you’ll be able to move outta the country some place safe so you can be truly yourself.
Hey man. I’m not from that region, but please don’t listen to the other guy in the comments. Be true to yourself. I know it must be very difficult for you to balance your religion/culture and your sexuality. This is going to be a very difficult life choice for you, and I hope you are able to stay safe along the way. Is there any possibility of moving somewhere else where you will feel more accepted for who you are?
I’m so sorry for you… I’m a queer guy, but I can’t even imagine what you’re dealing with. Wish you the best and the lots of good things!! ❤️🫶
thank you so much for your kind words and understanding
yes it’s really hard to balance between religion culture and feelings
sometimes i feel so alone but i keep praying to Allah for guidance and strength
i don’t want to give up on my faith and i also don’t want to live in pain
i do hope that one day i can move to a place where i feel safe and accepted
until then i’m just trying to stay strong and patient and trust Allah’s plan for me
You’re not alone 🫶🏼 Hope love and happiness finds you soon✨
I am a Christian. When my brother came out more than 30 years ago, homosexuality was not accepted in our community. He prayed for almost 10 years for God to change him. He was so lonely that he wanted to end his life. Then he met a man whom he fell in love with. He decided to tell and we learned to accept him as he is. It was difficult, but I am so glad he took that step. I now work for an organization that supports Christian LGBT+ people. We do not judge, but support people in their choices, whatever they are. So that they know: you are not alone. I want to tell you that too. You are not alone. Stay strong. Do not lose courage. A path will open up for you too.
I’m not from Pakistan but you are not alone. You are loved. Please don’t be ashamed, you are perfect just as you are. I hope you are able to relocate somewhere you can feel safe to be yourself.
you’re not broken
you’re not alone
you’re not a mistake
you’re just a human being born into a place that hasn’t caught up with the truth yet: that love, identity, and faith aren’t enemies—they’re threads of the same soul
you were taught to hide because they were taught to fear
but your heart isn’t wrong just because it doesn’t match their blueprint
you want peace? start by dropping the shame that was never yours to carry
Allah doesn’t make errors
and being gay isn’t something you chose—it’s something you are
quiet, real, and sacred in its own right
keep holding on
find online spaces, even private ones, where you can breathe without hiding
and know this: someone out there is waiting to love you exactly as you are
Wish you could be in NY. So many options if you are gay. Sending you a lot of love.
First I am so sorry my man about your situation.
I am Christian but am left politically here and support gays.
I have a friend who is gay.
My messages are open if you want to talk.
First of all, I’m so sorry you’re feeling so much pain over this. There’s nothing wrong with you, and you’re not doing anything wrong. About 9% of the world’s population identifies as lgbt in some capacity. That’s 720,000,000 people like you and me walking around living their lives.
I also struggled when I realized I wasn’t straight, so you’re definitely not alone in that. I hope you can find peace with the fact that you were made with the capacity for love, and that’s a beautiful gift to be given.
This is just really sad to read, man and I hope you understand why people are downvoting your more religious comments/show disdain for your religion. I’m from the Southern USA so I’ve seen my fair share of homophobia and religious bullshit but even here there’s openly gay and bi men. Are you really gonna go your whole life without touch or reciprocated love just because of where you were born? You speak good enough English to handle life abroad and you will find peace and love wherever you end up. We can give you advice on adjusting/making friends abroad. I know other people have said it but I’ll hammer it home: there’s nothing wrong with you or wrong with being gay.
I want to give you a hug. 🤗
As someone who grew up in a religious area, I feel your pain. I had to leave the church because I felt suffocated by the expectations of others(and quite frankly, I saw how the church treated people like me and I hated it). I also ended up pining after a straight girl, who I’ve ended up being a bridesmaid at her wedding next year because we are close.
You are not alone, you are not the only one who is waiting on the sidelines and feels like there’s something that is wrong with you. However, just know that you can’t change who you are, and who you are is beautiful.
Chin up! Keep fighting. You are not alone. GRAPE!
Hi fellow Pashtun,
I am an ally and will pray that you’re able to find a way through all this.
Stay safe and take care.
Sending good wishes your way!