I’m a 21m and me and my girlfriend broke up a few months ago largely do to my inability to provide, I’m considering learning to become an electrician and wondering that i should hold the dating game until my 30s when I’m more established, is this a mistake?
I’m a 21m and me and my girlfriend broke up a few months ago largely do to my inability to provide, I’m considering learning to become an electrician and wondering that i should hold the dating game until my 30s when I’m more established, is this a mistake?
r/Advice
Comments
Halting growth in your ability to productively participate in relationships for 9 extremely formative years? No, that’s not a good idea.
Get your life going and get established. Many women out there. The more established the more choices you’ll have.
I don’t know that you need to wait until you are 30 but it is never a bad idea to focus on bettering yourself. A master plumber and master electrician both make good salaries but there is a bit of schooling and then you need to work under another master. You’re 21. It is ok to study and learn and go out with your mates and have a good time. and you might meet a good girl who believes in you when you least expect it. I work the corporate American grind but my cousin (male) is a master electrician now making good money living in California and just got married and had a baby within the last few years at 40. He had to weed out the gold diggers. Wanting to be a provider is ok but really just work on making an honest living and be a good partner for the right person to come along. (I make more than my husband but he is still a provider by being a great hands on dad and being handy around the house.)
What does ability to provide even mean?
Unless you’re born with a silver spoon or you come from a rich family. I’ll be surprised by any 21 y.o providing any kind of support.
I don’t think it’s a mistake, it is very important to invest in yourself. But if you meet someone important meanwhile, don’t miss the shot 🙂
Providing at age 21??!
Dude don’t wait on either you can do both at the same time
I’m going to assume you were with somebody who wanted a free ride in life. I wouldn’t stop trying for a relationship based on what she wanted. I’m engaged, working on becoming a plumber and a decade older than you. If you’re with somebody who cares about you they will help you, not complain about.
Find a woman who will work. You need two incomes in most situations in America and anyone expecting support is dead weight.
If your working as an apprentice electrician, that shows personal drive and future goals. I wouldn’t give up dating.
Provide what? Food and an apartment?
Most people your age can’t especially if they’re in college.
That’s a transactional relationship that used to be basically every relationship. Women couldn’t work or own anything, including bank accounts so they had to find a man to provide everything. It’s not the case anymore. Some still want this though. So you were just unlucky.
Do what you want to build your career.
Date all the way as you do so.
Find a woman that brings something to the relationship rather than just showing up and expecting to be carried.
If you find a woman that loves you and wants to build a life together, the only thing she’ll care about is that you are trying and driven. The pieces will fall where they fall.
Pursue a career and maturity will help you, but don’t forget to enjoy your youth! The world doesn’t stop because of one demanding girl, you will have many opportunities to select a potential partner! Good luck 👍
Date all you want to. Forget the marriage or heavy commitment for after 30. I didn’t know what I wanted at 23, nor did my Ex-wife. Didn’t stop us from ruining our lives, however.
Nobody at 21M is in peak earning. Her expectations are too high. You will be okay financially in a few years.
Date “kind people” get yourself a another girl.
IMO the “dating game” is a game rarely won by its deliberate participants. The strongest relationships are usually those you don’t plan to find. You’ll know your mate when you meet them. But until then, best option is to grow the “love and support” you can provide from a “fenced, grassless field” into a “warm, well stocked castle.” This will change your “dating game” from “tennis” into “fishing with an automatic net.”
Hey man yumoure young, at 21 your goal should be to learn as much ss you can, becomr very good at something, make mistakes and live life. You deserve better and it will come
Dude, you dodged a bullet.
Fund your local IBEW and fund out about apprenticeships. You’ll make decent money while you learn and great money once you become a journeyman. Electrical is a great trade and in high demand.
Why on earth would you stop dating during the best years for dating??? You’re 21, you have no idea who you are yet and you definitely don’t know who a good fit is for you. Date around and enjoy your 20s. When you find the one, she’ll let you know.
bro what was ur ex doing to where she needed you to wholey provide for her at your age? The mistake is thinking that you need to hold off because of what she told you. You can do both. Nothing wrong with that especially with someone your age.
Idk what wrong with this generation and thinking men under 30 need to be providers. Especially in this economy. Idk if it’s the women or these redpill channels but somebody gotta grow the fuck up or get bitch slapped by reality.
Mfs expect us to pop out our mothers vaginas ready to pay every fucking bill
I was a broke grad student when I met my wife. If I had waited until I was financially secure, I would have missed out on the greatest relationship I ever had.
Just find someone into you.
At 21 you’re not expected to provide more than some weed and maybe an occasional burrito.
When I (44M) was 23 my girlfriend broke up with me I think largely for the same reason. It didn’t look like I was going anywhere. Fast forward to 24, I landed a job paying six figures (a big deal for someone in their 20s twenty years ago) and met my wife a little bit later that same year through a mutual friend. Now we are multimillionaires living a pretty great life together with our awesome kids. Joke was on that first girl.
I always knew I would somehow make my way but she didn’t believe in me. The question you need to ask yourself is was she right or are you going to make a good life for yourself? That’s up to you.
No man. This is probably the best thing you will ever do. Get a life before you throw it away on a Woman.
The right lady don’t give a shit about your money, I was a jobless phone less pot head living with my mom when I met my lady, through her back surgery and pregnancy and such I was the sole provider at about 80hrs a week…. What your doing now in the time you have with a lesser amount responsibilities has nothing to do with your ability to rise to the challenge for your family… And (at least for me) when it came to my lady or my boy, i had an inherent drive to be the superhero most of us saw our dads as when we were little, if only for a little while
If they don’t want you when you’re broke you don’t want them when you have money .
Being useful and motivated, as one needs to be to learn how to be an electrician, is attractive. Of course you can do both (learn to be an electrician and meet women).
Bro you make yourself sound hopeless af. Go take you rear end and join the military, get station overseas, bang a bunch of chick’s that love Americans, and cone back at 30 and decide what your going to do then. Let me know if you need more guidance
If you’re 21 and don’t have a established career path then yes you should be starting one. If you wanted to do a trade (or during), that should have started right out of high school, and if you went to college, you should have internships under your belt and a degree.
Your post isn’t super clear on your situation. It sounds like this girl wasn’t right for you, but either way you should be focused on providing for yourself and growing your career.
Yeah that’s wild; your ex is a POS if she is expecting you to “provide” aka giving her lots of bonus shit. You really only win when you find some girl that doesn’t just value you for money, so consider your current situation a blessing and keep on shopping/
Don’t get serious until you’re the man with the plan.
What did she want you to provide ? What did she provide to the relationship. If you took sex away from the equation would she have anything else to offer or “provide”
Your life is probably together enough for your age. You’ve got done stuff going on, so cool. And, you’re adding to it every day. Money is only one (very slim) measure of worth. Think of what else you bring, creativity, caring, curiosity, knowledge, effort, insight, support, love, experience, …so much. I imagine you are providing much, but some are fixated on only one thing. Don’t be held back by their limited appreciation!
Waiting 10 yearsto date is crazy. Just live your life and avoid girls who expect you to “provide” in your early 20s.
There’s nothing wrong with dipping out of the dating scene for a bit, but you shouldn’t be required to provide for someone for them to be your partner, especially at 21. You dodged a bullet.
You’re young. Go about your career and have a gf at the same time. If you want to take a little time off, do it. Taking a decade off, I wouldn’t recommend.