I want a kid… but don’t at the same time. I have some mental stuff like severe depression/anxiety, been through a lot of trauma, toxic relationships, etc. The postpartum sounds terrible, newborn stage sounds terrible, getting fat sounds terrible, giving birth sounds terrible. A part of me wishes the motherly instinct and the want for having a baby will kick in… but it just hasn’t. It sounds actually terrible. Has anyone gone through a similar thing in their 20s? Did it change for you?
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No way we can answer that.
But I mean… wanting a kid and also not is pretty common. It’s a major life decision/change, after all.
Early 20’s here, you may change your mind on kids, you may not. If you end up not having kids there’s nothing wrong with that. Having kids isn’t the end all be all like some people say it is. Everybody is different! Checking out r/parents or r/truechildfree may give some perspective. r/childfree exists as well but I ended up leaving that sub because there’s a lot of people in there who just straight up hate kids rather than not wanting them.
A lot of ppl are having kids in their mid-late 30s, and a lot can change in a decade or even 5 years. Who knows how you will feel later in life
Yes. And when you have them, it will change again.
I never wanted kids and now at 31, I feel like i might want to consider the option
Really depends. I’m in my late thirties and never really considered having kids until my current partner. She’s so incredible and talented, something in my brain clicked and was like “make babies here.” Unfortunately do to some bad circumstances that won’t happen, but I think we would have had kick ass children.
I’ve met plenty of people of both genders that both change their minds when they get older, and plenty that never do.
I’m a guy but even went so far as to cancel a vasectomy I had scheduled in my mid 20s because I admitted to myself that while I was 100% against kids, people change their minds.
Now in my early forties, I’ve accepted that I haven’t changed my mind, and even if I do, its really too late for bio kids. But I don’t think I will at this point.
First off do you have any friends with kids how do you like those kids? Do you like them or just tolerate them? Second off post partum only happens to certain woman I can’t tell you the you won’t get it but if you go into it thinking you will then you probably will. Kids are a gift to many many people but if you have a mental issue maybe you should talk to a health professional not just people on reddit if you don’t have kids it’s not a big deal some people just don’t want them and that’s fine and as for fat you can lose that wait if you dedicate yourself to it. I’m sorry there are many sub reddit that talk about this subject but truthfully you are an individual you should seek out a councilor not ask us
Albeit I’m a dude, but through my teens/20’s/30’s I didn’t want kids.
I freaking turn 40 and I start wanting a really big family. Like, now I want to meet a woman who wants to have 6 kids- complete freaking opposite of what I ever wanted before.
So it’s completely possible
If you aren’t completely sure that you want a kid, then you should keep waiting. Mine hit at 24 and lasted about a year. I have mental heath issues also and didn’t feel like I could give them a healthy environment.
I’m 52.
When I was very young, I thought I’d want to be a mother.
As a toddler myself, I’d swoon over babies. I was always very maternal.
As I got a little bit older, I noticed that so many parents were lacking, including mine. So by the time I reached 10 I was committed to never becoming a mother, though I wanted it, I knew better.
By the time I was 12, I began to suspect that there was something not quite “right” with my family. There was a harshness about my maternal family, the side I was closest to, that I never wanted another child to experience.
At 52, I know I made the right decision. I learned that so many things factored into a making a dysfunctional family. Historical racism and working on the pineapple plantations of Hawai’i back in 1904 had lasting effects.
There’s still that yearning, but absolutely no regrets about not having children.
I have and still do dedicate my energy to children. I was a teacher for 20 years and those students, now in their mid and late 29s to late 30s now still seek me out and keep in touch. Many say I was the mother they wished they had, or that I provided them the parenting they really needed during a crucial time I their lives.
I’m retired, but volunteer with children. I think as long as I’m healthy enough, I’ll always be involved with children.
It’s not easy to fight against biological, or societal expectations. It was particularly tricky sometimes because everyone,and anyone, who meets me immediately knows I love children. For some people, politeness leaves and they drill away at me with questions WHY DON’T YOU WANT TO BE A MOTHER?!?! Children/babies LOVE you and you LOVE them?!?!
I’m 52,now and thank goodness I don’t have to deal with questions about when I’ll have babies.
Sometimes I go visit the regretful parents sub and pat myself on the back for avoiding what could have been a minefield for me.
Maybe you could find it helpful as well.
Sending you all the best 🩷