This has actually become a problem for us in our relationship, even though we are great in all other areas. For me, (a woman), giving head has been & is currently a degrading act. I have a problem with that aspect, but I also have a problem with the act itself… it’s not fun or enjoyable. The older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve realized that I just don’t need my pussy ate, either they’re not all that good at it or it’s just way over-hyped. I never request it. However, my bf is constantly requesting it from me. I give in sometimes but often times deny him, which leads to pouting & friction in the relationship. Why can’t he understand that I don’t expect him to go down on me, therefore I feel I can deny him a bj. & how can he not understand that it doesn’t matter who’s dick it is, I don’t really enjoy having it in my mouth? & why is this making our relationship fall apart? Is that all I’m good for as a significant other (my willingness to perform sexual acts)? Not to mention I have severe seasonal depression & experience bouts of a low libido.
I’m not saying we can’t have sex, I’m just saying I don’t want to suck dick every time we do. Can I get some support or am I loco?
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It’s fine to not like it. Lots of people don’t like either.
That being said, you two are sexually incompatible and it’s not going to get better.
Not loco, soon to be single
I don’t enjoy receiving head but I don’t mind giving it. When I don’t want to, I’m very assertive about that. I only do it when I know I’m in the mood and will enjoy it. If you both can’t come to a middle ground, this will continue to be an issue. I don’t think you should feel forced or pressured to do something you wanna do and I also think he should be able to have a fulfilling sex life. Might be time for some serious conversations
Not at all. I don’t like giving or receiving either and all my female friends think i’m crazy or i just haven’t had “good” head… like no lol
Plenty of people don’t like it plenty of people do.
I would dare say that you probably don’t even know if you do or not, because you are giving/receiving oral sex from this man.
Oral sex for most women is only enjoyable if they are feeling high levels of desire for the person.
If he is pouting and begging for sex, then that is why you don’t want to do it. When someone starts acting like a child (which if the above is accurate, whining when he doesnt get what he wants its about as childish as it gets) it’s real hard as a woman with a maternal brain chemistry to see them as an object of sexual desire.
The problem is he wants you to be turned on by how much he enjoys receiving a BJ, and if that just doesn’t click for you, he might not be able to be satisfied in other ways entirely.
You’re not alone, not everyone likes oral sex, either giving or receiving.
That said, it’s a reasonable enough thing to want in a romantic and sexual relationship.
Relationships can and will be ended over basic sexual incompatibilities like this.
I ended a relationship not too long ago and this was one of the big reasons why. First time I’ve ever been sexually incompatible with someone but it happens sadly and all I could think about was how miserable I would end up if things continued how they were. You could try to compromise somehow but I understand where you’re coming from and sometimes you just have to find someone who’s a better fit for you, as heartbreaking as it can be.
I don’t think you and your boyfriend are compatible in the bedroom. This will continue to build resentment and bleed into other areas of your relationship.
Surely there is a man out there who doesn’t like receiving (I have yet to meet one tho) and will be okay without it. You should never do anything you don’t want to but there’s also nothing wrong with him because he wants it.
It’s not your thing, but many many people do like oral. So, you’re limiting partners who will be happy with your rules to a small sliver of like minded men. Everyone else will complain and try changing your mind…and leave when you don’t. It’s not their fault either. You’re not sexually compatible. You aren’t alone, but you’re not in a crowd either.
You are absolutely not crazy for not wanting his dick in your mouth. I think it’s disgusting too. Any guy that that gets pissed because you won’t give him a blowjob is either immature or simply only cares about himself. That’s not what a relationship is about. Find a man who understands your wants and needs and cares about making you happy first. Not making his needs met first.
It’s fine that you don’t like it. However, it’s also fair for that to be an important part of sex for him. Just because you don’t want it, that doesn’t mean he can’t.
This might be a fundamental incompatibility. It sounds like the only options here involve his needs not being met or you feeling pressured to do something you don’t enjoy.
I don’t enjoy the act itself but I enjoy the pleasure I give my partner. However, if I was expected to do it for a long time, I’d take issue with that for sure. My partner is very considerate, and only asks for it as foreplay, only for a couple minutes at a time. For me, I think about how much I love him when I give it to him, as opposed to attempting to or wishing I felt sexually aroused. Of course if I felt degraded or like my partner was cajoling me into doing this when I didn’t want to, that would be hard to focus on how I want to show him love!!
I’m with you that I don’t really enjoy receiving oral, either, though I wish I did!! I do enjoy being fingered, and I’m trying to get better about asking for that in terms of foreplay.
I just wanted to say you’re not alone in feeling this way!
Edit: Also, I skimmed some of the other comments and wanted to concur with you that it has become a societal expectation to provide one another with oral sex, and that isn’t fair. For me, even though it’s not my thing, I don’t consider it degrading ONLY IF my partner is also willing to go down on me. (If they have a double standard about it, that’s plain sexism, and this, degrading.)
You’re not alone. You’re apparently incompatible with this specific man. It happens. People who dislike dogs don’t date people who love dogs, or at least not happily.
I’m going to add a new thought that I haven’t seen yet. Only because you used the term, “degrading”.
I want to start by saying, there is no way you’re alone, and you should never feel pressured to participate in a sexual act that you don’t enjoy. Sex is to be enjoyed by both people- and nothing about sex should feel forced, or not enjoyable. Sex is the one act that should not have a negative correlation associated with it!
My additional thought for you is this: sexual acts are a highly subjective experience, based mostly on impressions we develop along the way- some even when we are small and hearing our societal influences speak about themselves or others.
Because oral sex is not an objective or inherently degrading act but it is your experience with it, it makes me wonder if this could have something to do with trauma, shame or guilt surrounding your sexuality growing up.
When I was small, I was raised extremely religious. I felt shame surrounding many many things- to include being a sexual being. I hid it, I felt dirty, I felt so much shame. When I started questioning why I felt this way…because I didn’t like feeling that way, I realized that everything I was taught was the belief of an organization, not my own. Through that original thought I was able to move through my impressions and decide for myself what I actually felt.
So if I don’t like participating in something, I am now free of impressions ruling my reasons- and I simply don’t like it because I don’t like it. It doesn’t need a negative association anymore.
All of that to say, if you don’t like oral, you don’t like oral and that is perfectly ok! I just wanted to share my experience because “degrading” was a part of my own impression-system surrounding sex, and now I participate whole heartedly in acts I would have never thought I would, and I enjoy it thoroughly lol. If this was sooo off from anything you resonate with, then just disregard!:)
Don’t do anything that doesn’t make you comfortable and he’s dumb for pushing it , But! You’re making it about You! It’s not about You! It’s about doing something nice for your partner that turns them on . It Should turn you on that you are turning him on but it doesn’t because you’ve made it all about how it makes You feel . Until you learn to let go of the self and think about someone else’s sex needs before your own you won’t like it, unfortunately for him. I personally would any dirty shit my GF asked me to do cause I’m down for whatever, too bad she don’t ask cause I’ll do that shit 😂
It’s ok that you don’t like it. But if he really likes it’s going to cause problems. I’m a guy who lovesssas going down on my girl and if she didn’t let me it was cause a big problem and vice versa. It’s a big deal if one likes it a lot and the other doesn’t. And the degrading part honestly I think is more in your mind. It doesn’t have to be on your knees. He can be laying on the bed. If it grosses you out that’s different. But this can cause a big problem.
Whenever a man is okay with you being uncomfortable in a sexual act, you are not compatible.
While most men don’t learn about the female anatomy for oral, some are really bad at it. However, some are experts and the stimulation feels amazing. But they are not putting a large object in their mouths. It is not always comfortable. There are women who have no issues doing this and men who need this, need to find women like this.
You can be sexually incomparable but there is no way to work around this. He will become resentful and so will you.