I’m a lesbian with a girlfriend, but i think i’m straight

TL;DR My gf and i are both 20F and we have been together almost two and a half years, i’ve been out as a lesbian since i was 17 but im starting to question if im straight. Im coming on here because i have nowhere else to go and no one to talk to about this.

for context I’m very conservative about talking about my own sex life and so i don’t feel like i can talk about this with my friends and that’s why i’m on here. although, i don’t mind listening to my friends talk about their sex lives or my partner talk about their needs etc, i’ve always felt awkward doing to same.

i love my girlfriend but a feel like since almost the beginning of our relationship sex has been a difficult subject for lack of a better word. at the start it was a situation where i didn’t really feel pleasured by them and their reaction was to basically get really upset and assume they were the issue and think they weren’t attractive. i had to console them a lot when this happened and it made me feel pretty crappy because i was kind of the one struggling. i had always thought up intill that point that once i figured out i was a lesbian and got a girlfriend sex would just be good (which is naive i know) i started questioning myself so much but i didn’t have a space to express that because my gf just thought it was all her fault and kind of made it about her. i do want to add however, i completely understand how crushing it would feel to think you can’t pleasure your partner and how it might make you feel like it’s your fault. i just think that sometimes there’s a time and place to express your feelings and i wish we’d both been given to space to individually express how we felt because i always ended up feeling guilty even if it wasn’t my fault. i think it created quite a bit of anxiety around sex for me because i was fearful of not enjoying it and creating an argument or upsetting her. but then me avoiding it made her feel more unwanted and then she felt unfulfilled. i’m an over thinker and so i went round a thousand explanations in my head, was it the expectation of sex that freaked me out or did i hate my body so much i couldn’t let someone love it. eventually we kind of settled into this routine of me just giving and never receiving. it then became a thing that i might be asexual which in all honesty scared me. i say this with no means to offend but i don’t want to be asexual i want to have sex and enjoy it. i also thought for a while i was a stone top but after a bit of time none of those things feel right.

in all honesty i know my partner and i don’t have sex enough and even though we are long distance i feel like when i see her we should be having sex most days we are together but there are times when im with her for multiple days or even a week and we dont do anything other than kiss. im starting to feel scared that im not a lesbian but i dont know. i wish someone could just go inside my brain and tell me. i love her so much though and i dont want to lose her but i just have this awful daunting feeling no matter what i do we will end up breaking up because we cant be what each other needs. i could be bi but i dont really know, i think i should be more attracted to her and want to have sex with her all the time but truthfully i dont. im worried that i will throw the whole relationship away just to explore and figure out i was wrong and i am a lesbian, then ive lost her and for what.

for more context on myself as well. i had only even been with guys before her. i came out at bi at 13 but still only dated guys (i didn’t have many options tbh). i have had sex with men and done other things and i don’t necessarily remember hating it but i don’t know if i enjoyed it either. my first time was kinda crap but i think that’s better put down to both our lack of experience aha. at 17 i had two friends some what put the idea in my head i might be lesbian. i consistently complained about men and how they were awful and talked about how penis’ are ugly and vaginas are beautiful which in all fairness is something a lesbian would say. so i thought about it for quite a while and decided i thought i was a lesbian (there were of course other reasonings behind this decision but im trying to simplify it). it was only a few months after that i met my now gf. i never really had time to explore much because i met my gf before i was 18 and could go clubbing or go on dating apps. i do wish sometimes i could have figured myself out more first.

honestly any advice or help is welcomed, i know i need to talk to her but im terrified and if anything i think i just wanted to get it all out my head for a moment to think clearer. i think at least feeling like maybe someone is reading this and listening helps a lot. thank you if you had read this and even if you have nothing to say i truly appreciate it.