We’re all 22, I don’t really have much friends but my bf has 2 close guy friends and they’re all white American born and raised. I’m middle eastern and was born and raised in Iraq and I’ve lived in America for 15 years.
His friends always make bombing jokes to me or to my bf in text, or when my bf makes a post about me one of them always chats saying something so racist. Things like “you were supposed to destroy the dark side not join them!” And I tell my bf that I don’t find it funny and he tells me none of them mean any harm by what they say.
When we get in discord to play the other guys’ gfs will make stupid bomb jokes and they will just chuckle and laugh and say “heh bomb get it” and I’m so over it.
I hate that this is so normalized and I always feel so down when people make racist comments about me and hide them in jokes 🙁
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Walk away. Staying silent in response to racism is just silent racism.
You deserve someone who sees horrible (and yes, HARMFUL) behavior like this and can’t imagine how someone could be such an evil piece of shit. Instead, he’s condoning it.
This is only normalized when people act like it’s normal. You staying with him is normalizing HIS behavior.
Girl, throw away the whole man. He’s showing you how little he values you. A decent boyfriend would tell his friends in no uncertain terms to stop.
“Maybe you should be a little more worried talking shit about someone you think has explosives experience and a will to use it. shut the fuck up” That might calm ‘em down
I’m sorry. Your boyfriend is as racist / xenophobic as his friends. The continued jokes aren’t funny. The fact he won’t stand up for you, that he doesn’t see anything wrong with what they are doing, that he expects you to just accept it is not OK.
This is not a healthy situation for you.
POC women need to get out of this chokehold that white men are superior. Too many stories of BIPOC women putting up with this crap from their white partners and I feel it stems from white folk being put on a pedestal.
That’s so bad! if he’s not taking you seriously then i would reconsider the relationship. Let him know!
There’s a word for boyfriends like this:
Ex-boyfriend
I don’t even know how you could look at him the same way or have any respect for him after he let’s this shit slide.
He’s just going to continue excusing their behavior, which is disrespectful to you. Show yourself more respect than all of them do and find better people.
Thats shitty of them.
If they’re mature enough to really listen, talk to them about how it makes you feel and ask them to stop. Individually or as a group depending on the relationship dynamic with them.
If they aren’t mature enough and you’re callous enough, make jokes at their expense. In large swaths of the american population(cant speak for the rest of the world) casual cruelty can be seen as a form of affection and being able to give as good as you get will endear you to them. If you’re looking for hints, white folks (men in particular) are statistically the most likely demographic to be school shooters and pedophiles. Get creative and revel in the wickedness.
Or find new friends. It sounds like these folks aren’t exactly enriching your life too much.
I would dump a boyfriend over this and I’m white. You deserve so much better.
This is racist and your boyfriend being friends with them and presumably staying silent is also racist.
I say this as someone whose love language is taking the piss (sarcastic jokes, teasing and verbal jabs) but 1) it is always mutual and 2) the people involved are all laughing! The rule in my group of friends is that if everyone isn’t laughing then no one is laughing and the joke is dead forever. We say foul shit to each other but it isn’t any “-ist” type of bullshit. Your boyfriend and his friends are trash and you should throw them in a dumpster.
Wow I had a super similar situation.
A partner and his close friends would make jokes like “I had no idea you could speak Mexican” (white hispanic)
I think a lot of these people underestimate how often we hear those same ‘jokes.’ They were never hilarious to begin with but back in my youth I was capable of laughing a few of them off.
You’re gonna get a bunch of people telling you to “divorce” him or whatever equivalent there is to that.
You like this guy right? My suggestion, let’s get creative! Part A of the operation: Intelligence gathering
Make a fake Instagram account of a hot women using ai to generate photos. Then make the conversation lean flirty. 90% of guys will at least let the bait dangle for a little before taking. Steady persistence is key.
Once you got enough evidence to scare the shit out of one of them by threatening to destroy their relationship, that’s when part B of the plan begins.
Part B: Planting the bomb. Go to each of their houses and take a picture of the front of their house. Then use AI to generate a photo of your Instagram character in front with the message: how funny would it be if I knocked on your door lol
Part C: The climax aka The Explosion. Get on the video game with him and his friends. As they start making jokes, casually say hey guys I met a girl that says she knows you. Her name is [instagram character]. Such a small world. I’m think of inviting her and all of you for a like a cute dinner. What do you think? She’s new in town.
That dinner is never gonna happen. But when they’re done freaking out. Act aloof and ask if they can stop making so many racist jokes, it annoys you.
One of them will probably figure it out. But he will never wanna talk to you again.
If they don’t have girlfriends I do have a plan B.
White guy dating a middle eastern woman chiming in to say that this guy is a piece of shit and so are his friends. A good person doesn’t even have friends like that, much less tolerate them.
You can tell everything about a person based on who they’re friends with. He doesn’t respect, value or care about your emotional well being. Try looking into the future of your relationship: he and his friends would ridicule your side of the family, culture, food, traditions. What happens if you get married? Have a mixed kid? This isn’t going to work out and you will be miserable. He isn’t worth it.
Smh that man doesn’t care about you enough to stop his friends from hurting your feelings. Why be around any of them? Get rid of the man, block him and his friends. Work on expanding your own community.
Your bf isn’t supporting and defending you, he’s not the one.
He’s not mature enough to be dating.
I’m a white lady who dates a lot of brown folks and I would never in a million years allow people to treat my partner like this. You deserve far better.
Your boyfriend is a racist too.
Nope. Nope. And for full transparency, this is my own trauma talking lol. Even if your boyfriend “isn’t racist” (ie wouldn’t say the shit his friends do), his silence will be a storm cloud over your relationship and heaven forbid, your marriage and the lives of your future mixed kids.
Don’t put yourself through it and don’t put your hypothetical kids through it. Imagine decades and decades of not being stood up for, being gas lit about your very real experiences of racism, watching your kids experience racism and their dad won’t have their back…hell imagine if the political gets worse and there’s social or legal consequences for your existence?
Idk you or this man but I know for sure he ain’t worth it, you deserve better.
If he’s not shutting them down and defending you, he’s not your partner and doesn’t care about you. Don’t settle for that, it’s not right.
As a white man with a girlfriend from China, I would absolutely not stand for anything like this.
This has not happened with us, but the first time these kinds of insults come up, I would talk to the friend directly to apologize to her profusely sincerely or get out of my life.
Your bf saying “none of them mean any harm by what they say” is discounting how you feel, which has nothing to do with their intent.
Unacceptable. Better to have no friends than those kinds of friends.
Your bf and his friends are all racists.
The only relationship a racist deserves is the one between ICU nurse and patient
BREAK UP OH MY GOD. You’re too young to be in a shitty relationship even worse to be in a shitty relationship surrounded by racists. Bare minimum he’s a coward who won’t stand up for you, or in actuality hes equally racist and agrees with them which is why he lets them treat you like that. Do you want to be with a racist, or a man who enables them which is as good as being with a racist anyway ? Drop the man !
If he is still friends with them, then he likely laughs along. Dump him and the friends.
Sometimes men want to date Asian or Middle Eastern women because they assume these women are submissive and easy to bully or control.
I’m sorry, but I don’t think he’s dating you because he likes you.
I think you should walk away from your bf and find someone better.
If he’s not calling it out, not defending you, writing it off as “harmless jokes”, then he’s just as bad as them and a racist too.
Dump him.
I’m an arab-american myself and when I was near your age my buddies used to make terrorist jokes about me. Big laughs.
It wasn’t cool, but I wasn’t perfect back then either and most importantly we all fucking grew up. You’re all past high school now and it’s time for your BF to be a big boy. What bothers me the most about this is that you’ve been clear with your supposed ‘partner’ about how it makes you feel and he seems to give zero fucks. Nobody wants to be forced to stand up to their friends, but now would be the time to take a stand and stick up for you.
I think he’s pretty useless. I think if you stay with him he’ll continue to be useless. Your partner should consider it a priority to make sure you feel welcome with his friends.
If my friends made fun of my partner I’d fucking see red, but then I picked good friends so it hasn’t happened and I don’t imagine it ever will.
That is horrifying. Please leave him. He does not have your back and he is prioritizing his crappy racist friends over you.
I was born in Iran, my husband is european and if he ever treated me like this, it better be a brain tumour because I wouldn’t stay otherwise.
Dicks. All of them. You can do better than him if he won’t tell them to cut it out.
They’re racists. Including your boyfriend. You deserve to have people around you who won’t constantly dehumanize you
Your bf and his friends are racist. They’re showing you they’re racist and you are choosing to stay around them.
Jesus Christ are they 13? You really need to cut your losses. If he isn’t willing to stand up for you now, when?
Im a dude but nobody would dare talk to any gf of mine like that. say it in text and were gonna have a problem. Say it in person were gonna have a fight. Thats over the line and you stand up for the people you CARE about. He doesnt care about you op. Im sorry to say. Cut your losses
Not meaning any harm doesn’t mean they are not actually doing any harm. In this case, they are.
Tell them to fuck all the way off. You absolutely do not deserve this.