I(M19) am a freshman in college. Throughout my life I’ve struggled to make friends and meaningful relationships. For most of my highschool years, I was a recluse, I would rot away in my room all day only coming out to eat, go to the bathroom, or go to the gym. In school I kept to myself, even people I considered friends didn’t know a lot about me. I always felt like the last option so I wouldn’t try and build upon any relationships I had causing me to just self isolate. When I got accepted to college, It felt like it could be a fresh start and I knew I had to change how people viewed me. When I got to school, It started with me trying to be more relatable to my roommates, when they asked what sports I played growing up I said golf, I told them I was good and that my handicap was 7 and that my carry for my driver was 230 at 13 years old. In reality, I played golf for about two weeks, never having completed a full 18 hole game. The lies only got worse from here though as one night me and some friends were playing a drinking game where someone would ask a question to everyone and if you didn’t answer you’d take a shot. One question came up that went along the lines of “what was the best party you ever went to?” I wanted to use this opportunity to make myself seem like a more fleshed out person that was really tapped into my schools social scene. I come up with this intricate story on how a group of my friends and I went to this Halloween party where I was making out with this girl I met there and that the cops busted the party causing me to escape and go to another party where I meet the same girl and she gave me head behind the bushes. The guys somehow believed this dumbass lie I made up, in reality I never did any of those things. These are few of my many lies I’ve told my friends. Whenever one of my lies is brought up, the scenario I imagine is so realistic and detailed that I sometimes forget that It was a lie I made up. I hate myself for having to lie to make myself seem interesting to other people. Even though my friends and the people I’ve met view me how I want to be perceived, I can’t bear that it’s all a lie and that Im too weak to just admit to my shortcomings and be vulnerable. I don’t know what to do at this point though, it’s nearing the end of the year and I feel like I can’t just expose to everyone that I’m a nobody. The guilt from the lies is eating me up, sometimes I question what kind of person I really am. It sometimes gets hard to distinguish between my perceived traits and my actual self. I need help.
Comments
Sharing here is a start! You decided who you wanted to be / how you wanted to be perceived, chose to lie to help your cause, and now it sounds like being honest is a trait you want to have and thats great. Make your choice and go for it, tomorrow is a new day. You get to choose exactly who you want to be, just find the discipline to make choices that support it. Im excited for you stranger.
Just take a deep breath . Sit down and start over ta day . Change the way . I’m ready I’ll change too for you I’d do bout any thing for your dream to come to life
I want to start over build a new life . Give you the chance to break my heart twice
Loves the gamble let you blow on dice. Telling evil plans then doing witch craft on me drawn drawed blood voodoo doll all in
I was battling for a women she was kiniving I was being abused evily I never knew all the things of you was true I said to belittle degrade you I knew it wasn’t untrue to say your a bull dyke lesbian
Look who selling pussy pics
Getting nacked and undressed over the www. Whatever hustle you pull
Put up your mouth or ass after I ate chilly cheese dogs
You use the best thing me and you could do make a son and both of us show him how life is fun hold my son be a romodel show him unforvettable lessons give him alll my possessions
For him pull out of this awful place one hour at a time. I dont fumble i dont fall when its 4 and 9 and the qb giveds me ball you need to be more receptive to advice
Im madd easy not to lie to
I fly thru like forgiveness I d pour it inside you
Wash you in the blood of christ
Your born again ready at anytime to die because in heaven you’ll be
There’s always no stop make the change
We will be successful
Conversation intellectual
Telling story’s about all theses different Lori’s didn’t consider you or your feelings
When you’ve lied and cheated block deleting me from my kids life
I’m unable to go on I just a had a safe word and it was my son . You use him to hurt me. Telling lies talking down to me purposely infront of the son I love so much
It takes a lot of courage to admit this. You’re not a nobody—you’re someone who’s been struggling. It’s okay to start fresh, and people connect with honesty, not perfection 💛
Cool
Something that helped me was realizing I don’t have to speak up or lie, it’s fine to take a moment to think about how to respond or even to not respond at all. Be a boring person, you can’t change who you were but you can change who you are, go out and make these stories happen, go be outgoing and start playing golf. The next time you think about lying( it’s super important that you catch yourself before you lie) be honest, ask yourself in that moment that if you told the truth will it really be a big deal and is it worth it to lie.
OMFG you dont know how amazing you are. ive made friends with many people who lie a lot but they NEVER could admit they lied. this is your first step. just remember your not perfect and its okay to make mistakes. if you really like your friends and there healthy for you, if you told them you lied im sure after some time they’d forgive you. Hope u have a nice life.
Mr. President?
Honest, my son did this. Long story short he really wrecked his own life. When we finally figured out this was happening (took us much too long) we immediately got him help. He was diagnosed with anxiety disorder. It took a while and a few restarts, but with the rights meds (a challenge in itself) and time and support he is doing very well now.
You may well have the same issue. Please don’t wait. Talk with your parents or contact a therapist one your own. Please!
Your story is exactly the same as mine with just one change. Switch the golf with soccer and everything just falls into place. I hate myself for this and now I decided to cut off all my so called friends. Can’t get a job because I never made any real connection with anyone. The only guys I usually told my real life stories were guys I smoked weed with and now since I quit, there’s no one who actually knows me.
It’s possible that there’s a healthy reason for your actions…
Have you considered speaking to a trauma informed therapist about aspects of dissociation? What you could be doing/experiencing isn’t your ‘fault’ – this might be a coping mechanism.
You might be trying to create a reality where it doesn’t hurt to exist.
Just stop lying. People want to talk to YOU, not your imagination. They will be just as satisfied talking about stuff that’s not outlandish. Just remember to breathe and talk about the mundane. Most people’s lives are mundane as well.
I had a friend like this and realized he is just very boring. And honestly? I’d rather be friends with a boring guy than someone who makes up everything about themself and their life. In the age of social media it’s really easy to feel like you aren’t good enough but you are. Everyone is a little boring. Some people are more boring than others (that’s me). And it’s OKAY!!!
This was so strange to read because in college, I had a roommate who was just like this, and I always theorized she felt like she needed to be more interesting. In my eyes, she already was plenty interesting – she was studying to photograph wildlife, she was tall and beautiful, she had an amazing sense of humor, she had good taste in shows, video games, and clothes. I think in high school, she was a nerd and a bit of a tomboy, and she may not have had a lot of friends? Her boyfriend, who she eventually broke up with, was a huge nerd. They had very little physical affection and pretty much were just friends who played WOW once a month together, despite him only living a drive away.
She told me several lies. I didn’t know off the bat they were lies, but I’d see evidence or they’d just be so wild I realized after a couple that she was pulling it out of her ass:
I am very nonconfrontational, so I never really questioned her too deeply or told her I knew she was lying. She was otherwise a great roommate. Clean enough, not always in the dorm room, we were both comfortable with nudity, she would rarely have guests and would warn me if she did, and she let me use her mini fridge. We both were weird sleepers (she sleepwalked/talked and I used to wake up screaming from night terrors).
Long story short, if you keep this up, people WILL realize you’re lying, and it WILL impact your relationships. Especially if you get a gf or bf. You’re interesting enough without making up dumb shit, and people will prefer your authentic self. Most people are pretty boring and just share their best stories a lot.
I don’t really know what you can do about the lies you already told. College friends tend to drop off after college, so you can kinda let the golfing lie die off when you leave college, and just avoid talking about it. If you intend to keep those friends, it probably is wise to come clean. If they think you’re super into golf, they’ll probably bring it up, and potentially in front of new people you meet, and you’ll be in a situation where you’ll have to come clean on the spot or perpetuate the lie.
If you’re worried about not being interesting, college is a fantastic time to try new things. Your college probably offers several activities and social groups. There are classes about so many topics. Colleges have libraries with so many books. Now is the time to find what you like. You can find new interests any time, but college, you’ll have a lot more exposure to these things without needing to do all the effort yourself. There will be cool parties you can attend if that’s your thing. All that should give you enough to talk about.
I went through something really similar back in high school. I had just moved to a new city and wanted so badly to fit in and seem cool. Coming from a tiny town of less than 1,000 people, I felt like I had nothing interesting to share, so I started stretching the truth. I’d lie about things I did or had, just to seem more relatable and make friends. I thought that was the only way people would like me.
But over time, the guilt really started to weigh on me—especially whenever one of those lies came up in conversation. Eventually, everything caught up with me, and I lost those friendships. That was a turning point. I realized that I didn’t need to pretend to be someone else to be liked. Just being myself—quiet, quirky, or even “boring” by some standards—was enough for the right people.
Some of the advice in the comments is spot on: you don’t always have to be the one to speak up or impress others. And it really helps to talk to someone about how you’re feeling—a parent, a therapist, or anyone you trust. You’re not alone!
I had a female friend who was a pathological liar, to anyone with a modicum of intelligence, it was very obvious and while most her lies were just white little lies or lying to try and fit in.. it made her fit in less and while I enjoyed her company, I had to cut it off because it was so embarrassing when my other friends noticed her switching up stories so often to cater to the conversation or just the people around her.
stop lying and start using those stories to write books
I hope they don’t ask you to play golf one day! Lol
I lied about some really fucking dumb shit when I was young because I thought it would make me more interesting to people. It turns out the lifelong friends you make like you for who you are, not the cool stories you tell. I’m much older now and I laugh about how stupid the lying was because it was totally unnecessary. Just be yourself and start telling the truth
I relate to this all too much. I do the exact same thing. My college friends, we are distant now, believed everything I told them about my life. I made up about 80% of what I told them. I made up a whole different life for myself that I would tell people about. It was so believable and so well crafted that it sounded legitimate. To this day the two guys I still keep in contact with know so little about the actual me because I told them flat out lies about my life. I feel bad because they think I’m a totally different person than i actually am.
I don’t believe a single word of this.