I don’t even know how to write this, but I need to say it somehow. I’ve been ignoring this feeling for so long, brushing it off like “oh it’s just stress,” “I’m just overwhelmed,” but it’s getting worse. Like, scary worse.
I feel like I’m losing my brain. I can’t remember anything. I’ll read something, and the next day it’s like I’ve never seen it before in my life. I’m talking about basic stuff. Stuff I’ve studied a hundred times. I literally cannot comprehend the simplest thing anymore.
Let me give you context. In high school, I was the top student in the country. In my bachelor’s (chemical engineering), I had a 9.8/10 GPA. I was one of the top 3 students in my class. Now I’m doing a PhD and I swear to God, I feel like I don’t even know how to do basic inequalities. BASIC MATH. Sometimes I try to do multiplication in my head and it’s like my brain glitches. Gone. I stare at it and just feel dumb.
I don’t even remember what I learned in my bachelor’s. Not a little. NOTHING. Like it was never even me who studied it. I read a paper and it feels like a foreign language. I can’t focus. I can’t articulate. I can’t even speak normally without stuttering or struggling to find basic words.
And it’s terrifying.I’m 24 years old. No health issues. No trauma. Never been hospitalized. Physically, I’m healthy I eat clean, I sleep (at least 6 hours), I move. But mentally? I feel like I’m slipping away, and it’s getting worse. I’m so scared.
When I was in undergrad, I noticed I’d forget things after exams, but it’s like now, I forget things while studying them. I read a paragraph, feel like I understand it and two minutes later it’s gone. Just gone.
I feel like I’m becoming dumber every single day. I feel like even a 5th grader would know more than me right now. I have to reread the same beginner concepts ten times and even then I feel like I don’t get it.
And this isn’t just academic. I can’t remember my childhood. I can’t recall basic life stuff people are supposed to know. It’s both my short-term and long-term memory. I don’t know how to explain this, but it feels like my brain is dissolving.
I’m so scared of getting diagnosed. But I’m more scared of continuing like this.Has anyone been through this?and actually come back from it? Please don’t just say “get rest” or “take a break.” I’m very healthy cautious, but I don’t know what is going on in my head.
Comments
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. The only real advice is to go to the doctor. Maybe it’s stress, maybe its something more serious, but the best thing you can do is know early. Show them this post if you need to, but tell them everything.
I won’t say anything to scare you, because it sounds like you’re scared enough already, but a doctor is the only person who can help you get to the bottom of this.
It took courage to write this note. Even to strangers. I can’t entirely relate to your situation. I’ve had some memory challenges due to past life events, however, not to the extent that youve mentioned. As someone who has dedicated your life to expanding your mind, you owe it to yourself to understand what is happening to you. It may in fact be reversible. It may not. I pray it is. Go and seek testing immediately from a neurologist. There are so many possible explanations for memory loss beyond the usual suspects. Hell, mold can literally blow your mind. You owe it to yourself to stop this train from going any further down the track. Get help. For all you know its something you can easily remedy. Take heed and take care.