As I speak right now. Today I just yelled at my mom for placing a suitcase in front of my room door. A house I don’t pay bills in and a mother a don’t fully trust with reason but it’s like damn.
As far as past relationships. I’ve cheated multiple times and my gf I have now doesn’t like me because I hold grudges very easily. It’s a bad feeling to feel knowing everyone knows you as the guy that holds grudges.
It’s also cost me my employment. And the last work shop I was in some girl that liked me made a remark (subtly) about my mom just trying to be funny. But at the end of the class course. I texted in our student groupchat a response about how it wasn’t cool to do such a thing.
It was in a smart ass manner. To top it off, I dont really make that many facial expressions so when I’m upset I’m upset.
In the past, I like to have fun and tend to trust people but that same trust has caused me my peace. Sometimes it’s the recipe for my anger. I try to treat people nicely but when they piss me off, it’s difficult for me to come back to planet Earth.
Man, I had so much potential and still do. But my anger and grudges has stained my reputation. I’m in a hole of a hole right now.
Like what do I do? How do I ignore people and let them be them without feeling used and manipulated.
No offense, 90% of my karma has to do with my abuse I’ve given to women from my past and my mother. But I still try to even it out by being very friendly but that too is a recipe for disrespect.
No one is perfect but I felt so perfect when others didn’t “Test” my patience. Now I am low on people skills and despise my family.
Even though people don’t know what I’m going through, it’s very hard to carry the “unresolved” issues. But to be fair if I don’t blow up everytime someone triggers me I could save myself from looking like a fool.
Comments
You’re not an asshole you’re a ticking bomb made of pain guilt and regret and it’s finally time to cut the wire. Own your past master your reactions and watch how fast people stop controlling your peace and start respecting your power.
It’s cool that you are wanting to better yourself. Maybe spending time alone, without media or outside infuence could give you time to think about what you want to do with your life, and how you can be cooler. Perhaps a solo road trip?
It sounds like you should stop being an asshole before you screw up and end up in jail. You can do it!
You are not an asshole, you just do things that you consider are asshole behaviors. As I read what you wrote, it really does come across as anger being the medicine you use to respond to feelings you feel you either do t understand or cannot control. Anger is the result of that and not necessarily because you are an asshole who gets angry. There is a difference here, and for you, if you want to get past this, a good therapist can help you make sense of what it is that is making you feel this way.
Do not be afraid of therapy. Consider it like a coach for a sport. Because you want to get better at this sport called life, a coach – therapist – can help you. You aren’t mentally ill, you have something blocking you from understanding where the anger is coming from that you cannot control to your liking.
You have to work on your tolerance. Have you ever heard of Hakuna Matata?
Forgive them. Forgive yourself.
How old are you ??? Idk but sound like your realizing or just waking up to how your behavior is affecting your life ? And that’s good , grudges just make you grumpy and sounds like you have trust issues if you’ve cheated before. Are you a jealous person too ? And why are you mad at your mom ?
I used to be like this as a teenager.
What helped me is keeping a bigger picture in mind. Most of the stuff I would get angry about……. It didn’t matter when a longer timeframe is kept in mind.
When you feel like this, really try to take a step back, and ask yourself is this going to matter in 30min, 1 hour, 1 week, 1 year? Most of the time the answer is no.
Some things, there’s a good reason to get upset about. Most of the time, a negative reaction from your side is t going to help the situation for yourself though.
It’s okay to get upset, but work on finding a better, more productive release.
Serious kudos to you for being this self aware! A lot of people live their entire lives without this kind of insight.
Stop being an asshole is how you fix it. Take charge of your emotions and have self control.
Might I also suggest emptying out the pipes as frequently as possible. Nothing gets the dopamine flowing better than that