I don’t know where else to post this. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I’m scared, I can’t sleep properly, and I have no idea who to trust anymore.
I’m 19, living with my grandmother, who’s 67. I don’t drink, smoke, or do drugs. I moved in with her after finishing school. Right now I’m studying at a driving school and dreaming of moving in with my boyfriend asap, because I honestly can’t take it anymore.
I’m being accused of stealing, constantly humiliated, and now they even want to take away my keys, change the lock, and literally lock me in the apartment so I “wait” for the supposed thief.
How it all started
I was raised in a very religious family that basically made me terrified of doing anything “bad.” I’ve been agnostic for a while now, but one thing stayed with me — I hate the very idea of stealing or betraying anyone. But my family seems to have forgotten everything they ever taught me. They’ve accused me multiple times of things that are completely insane.
First incident
Three years ago, I was living with my grandmother while studying. One day she barges into my room yelling for me to get out of the house. Why? She thought I had lit a candle on the kitchen table and brought friends over for “occult rituals.”
The candle wasn’t even mine. She has lots of candles, and I honestly think she just forgot she bought two of the same kind. One was at my brother’s place.
I respected her and always followed her rules, especially the one about not bringing friends over. But she didn’t believe me and kicked me out. So I packed my things and moved to my dad’s place in the countryside.
That turned out to be even worse. He started drinking again and yelling at me. I ended up moving in with a friend, worked part-time, and studied for 7 months. I only came back when grandma “calmed down.” But obviously, that didn’t last.
Second incident
About a year ago, $4000 went missing (money sent to my grandma by my mom’s sister). I didn’t even know the money existed. But I got accused. My mom called me and said things I don’t even want to repeat. I told them I’ve never stolen anything and never will. The only response I got was something like, “Well, maybe it was someone else.” Really? I’m supposed to be grateful I’m not the only suspect now?!
And today…
Grandma was supposed to spend the night at my brother’s. I invited my boyfriend over. We were watching a cartoon, just chilling. Suddenly the doorbell rings. It’s grandma. She looked furious. I immediately told her my boyfriend was there, hoping maybe she’d hold back a little with him around. He left soon after and tried to calm me down because my hands were literally shaking from the anxiety.
As soon as he left, she started yelling at me again. Then she said two big boxes were missing — they had coffee, sugar, pasta, and a tea set, all sent by my mom’s brother. We searched the entire apartment. They’re gone.
Now she says it was either me, my dad, or both of us “working together.”
Now I’m really starting to suspect my dad
When I lived with him, the keys to grandma’s apartment were often lying around in the hallway. He definitely could’ve seen or even copied them.
Now he claims he works in construction, but suddenly has money again. He even bought new car parts and gave me some cash for small things.
And I remember my mom once told me that back in the day, he used to pawn household stuff and didn’t admit it until he was caught.
Or is it my boyfriend?
This sounds awful. He’s really sweet. Almost too sweet. He’s slept over a couple of times and each time, he couldn’t sleep. He said he just stared at me all night. It’s kinda romantic and also terrifying. What if he waited for me to fall asleep and let someone in? Or took something himself?
He loves pasta and pasta was one of the things that disappeared. The box was sealed with tape. It’s not like you could just take a little and go unnoticed.
But I’ve slept at his place too, and he didn’t sleep well with me there either
Or maybe the neighbors?
I literally hear them like they’re in the same room as me. I can even hear them fart.
What if they can hear everything we say and somehow got in while we were out?
So from now on, I’ve decided to write important things to my grandma on paper, so not even the walls could “hear” us. I’m also going to start photographing my room and hers every time I leave the house just to see if anything moves or disappears.
If grandma is making this up, therapy is out of the question. She thinks it’s nonsense. I’ll go myself when I can afford it. Right now, the only thing keeping me sane is support from my friends and boyfriend.
Grandma wants to take my keys, change the lock, and make me stay home to “wait for the thief.”
My brother will be the one changing the lock, and I’m already bracing myself for more verbal abuse from him.
I don’t know what’s happening to me. Maybe it is paranoia. Or maybe this is really a dangerous situation. I seriously don’t know anymore is this a breakdown or should I actually be afraid? What do I do?
Comments
This sounds really rough and confusing, and I’m sorry you’re going through this. You should not be locked in your own home or treated like a criminal without proof. That’s controlling and abusive behavior. You deserve to feel safe.
If you can, try to stay with a trusted friend or your boyfriend for a while. Document everything that happens, keep photos, messages, or anything that can show your side. If you feel unsafe or the situation escalates, consider reaching out to local support services or a counselor.
You don’t have to deal with this alone. Focus on getting out when you can and building your own safe space. Your mental health matters more than their accusations.
You’re not paranoid, you’re in a toxic mess. Grab your stuff, plan your way out. No one deserves to live like a prisoner.
Bruh, this is way too wild, but here’s the thing. W/o concrete proof, you’re just caught in a mess of suspicion and it SUCKS. I don’t wanna sound obvious but get the heck outta there asap. Save some cash, crash with friends, move in with ur BF, whatevs. Just no reason to stay in this toxic environment. Also, security cams, cheap ones, could solve this mystery real quick. Keep your head up! Remember: “Innocent until proven guilty”, even in families. You’ll get through this mate. Stay strong! 💪💪💪
You’re not paranoid. Anyone would feel scared, stressed out and confused in this situation. I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Until you’re able to move out, you need to do whatever it takes to keep yourself safe. This might mean filming common areas (do not do this if there’s an expectation of privacy or people/kids walk around naked or something. Look up the laws where you live). Don’t be a martyr to your crazy family, someone’s messing with you and it’s not ok. Take notes on what’s going on, put dates and times. Make sure your family can’t find or destroy those notes. Do not accept guilt for something you’re not doing. Do not offer to pay for or replace things you didn’t steal unless you’re being crystal clear that you didn’t do it (sometimes people might twist your willingness to help as an admission of guilt). If you have a feeling that someone close to you is doing this to you, listen to your gut.
Lastly, can you not hang out with your boyfriend at *his* place, until this stops?
You are 19 years old. This is the perfect age to go to college and get away from this chaos. Find an inexpensive community college with good campus housing and get tf out of there. Most community colleges have little to no admissions requirements and student loans are available if you can’t afford both the tuition and housing. Get good grades, so you can transfer to university on the strength of your cc transcript instead of high school. Go forth, do something with your life.
I would also try and put up nanny cams and find out who this “thief is” and end this once and for all give them evidence of who is doing it it’s the only way you will have piece of mind and finally know who it is you don’t have to tell anybody that they are there but this lingering feeling of who to trust is not going away
Pack your things and have BF pick you up now!