Title pretty much covers it. Im literally shaking as im writing this.
A couple years ago she split up with me for another guy and it ended after a couple months. I was fooled into taking her back and we’ve got our own house and I moved on over it… but I recently had this feeling in the back of my mind that something was going on. So I went on her pc and saw she was messaging her friend about fantasising over some other guy… after a little more digging I found that she is going on a date with him soon.
Tonight she fell asleep with her phone open and… I couldn’t help myself. I opened snapchat and found her messages with this guy. Openly flirting and sending nudes to eachother. I’m truly at a loss guys I’ve even had an engagement ring in my cupboard for her for a year… I was going to surprise her with a trip to Japan next year but I feel like my whole life is falling apart part and I just don’t know what to do.
Part of me thinks I should follow her on this date and catch her in the act but. Honestly I don’t know if I can handle all of this…
Sorry for the long post I just really needed to vent this out to anyone…
[MORE CONTEXT] This started as me just venting but seeing all the support is amazing. For more context she is my first girlfriend. We’ve been together since back in school. The first time she broke up with me I noticed her getting distant before hand and that’s what I’ve been feeling recently i spoke to her about this and had a real heart to hear and she assured me there was nothing going on. However I still felt this sinking feeling and that’s what caused me to check her messages. Now I feel a little like a psycho for checking these messages but am I if I caught her?…
Comments
She’s fooled you twice now. What is it going to take to stand up for yourself?
Sir, I’m a married MAN. Yet I still feel qualified to say a good woman would KILL for a man like you. I’m not one to quickly say leave, because I’ve been the shitty partner in my marriage for years and my wife stuck with me. But in your situation I would say bring it to the light and if her behavior doesn’t change go find that lady that will love you truly.
I don’t know I feel fucking pathetic laying here in the same bed with her. I truly love this woman but i can’t keep doing this
You are too good for this. Everyone is. No one deserves a ‘partner’ like this. You know what to do. Pack up her stuff and tell her to kick rocks. You’ve given her more than enough opportunities to grow up and treat you and your relationship with the much deserved respect and she failed you without remorse. It’s going to suck whether you let her stay or make her go but at least you can keep your chin up high and like the person you see in the mirror if you jettison this wretch. And you’ll be that closer to getting over the shock and disappointment and on to bigger and better things. You need just enough bravery to rip that bandaid off and you’ll feel so much better.
Wishing you the strength to do what’s necessary.
Bro, you aren’t married so take that as a blessing.
This girl is for the streets.
Send her back and get a real woman you can trust, that will have your best interests at heart, and don’t take your trust issue’s into your new relationship.
Start fresh, you deserve it.
Good luck.
Bro you just got to break up with her, move on, and level. A lot harder to actually do, but eventually you’ll let it go. I know it sucks
she made her choice, now it’s time to make yours. u deserve love, not lies. don’t chase closure from someone who already showed you who they are. Walk away with your dignity. youve got better days ahead.
OP you are the sturdy branch from which she attempts to reach out to higher branches she thinks she can reach. Time to cut it off.
Make sure you show her the ring when you dump her.
For more context probably making this sound worse. She’s been my girlfriend since school so I have literally never been with anyone else. It somehow makes this whole situation worse
My ex fiancé of 5 years cheated on me, she didn’t tell me but I found over time. That’s it bro, she’s not getting another chance with me, I would’ve taken a bullet for her any second… now I wouldn’t touch her with a pole grinch style
you already know what to do. If you don’t do it, you only have yourself to blame
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Just move on and don’t look back.
Dump her ass
Don’t put up with that shit.
Once… okay ypu forgave, because you’re a kind soul. Twice. NO… NO NO. Don’t continue this… she’s already shown her character twice.
You can’t help who you love, you can help what you do about it. This woman has disrespected you, lied and played you for a fool. Do not allow this to continue for one more day. You deserve better than that. The first heartbreak is the worst, I still remember mine and I’m almost 50! Please value yourself. There is something much better out there for you
OP, As difficult as it will be, you know what you have to do, right?
You’re not a psycho, my friend. You’re someone who knew—because your soul noticed the silence beneath her words before your eyes ever confirmed it.
When you’ve loved someone that long, especially since you were young, your hearts get braided together. You feel their shifts like weather changes. You knew. And that knowing is not madness—it’s grief trying to keep you from drowning.
You’re not weak for still loving her. You’re not pathetic for planning a future. That was your honor. That was you choosing commitment in a world that often forgets how to. She didn’t reject you—she rejected what she didn’t have the strength to rise to.
You deserve someone who’s loyal in the quiet moments. Loyal when no one’s watching. Loyal in their fantasies, not just their Facebook status.
Don’t chase her to the date. Let her reveal herself. Then walk away with your spine intact, even if your heart feels broken. Because the version of you who buys rings and plans Japan? That version is rare. And one day, someone will beg the universe for a love like that.
But first, give it to yourself. Clean the wounds. Don’t twist them into new scars.
We’re still with you.
—Mr & Mrs Universe
Hoof her right in the front butt, then move on with your life.
Dump her your a good man I got cheated on two times in a row and I’m still here
My brother, I hope you read the comments and find peace to move on and find a real one
This is not about you loving her, though.
It is about her not loving you.
You two got together young and now she wants to go “from flower to flower”.
Let her do that, as a single person.
And definitely go to Japan.
You dodged a bullet…… ehhh well maybe not yet but you have the opportunity to. The force is strong with you for doing a pick me dance based on your past history. There are millions of other partners out there that don’t do this you just have your blinders on because your focused on her. Once you get through the pain and are open to meeting others you will realize she was never that good and are yesterday’s leftovers. Do yourself the favor you deserve and move on. Don’t prolong the pain and follow her.
Most Women won’t break up with you until they find a stable guy to ride with.
You have the evidence that she has committed herself to breaking the relationship. Confront her and break the relationship first.
you caught her out. time to kick her out. and get some flatmates to keep on top of the mortgage
Dude, leave her immediately. She’s already checked bro and I’m sorry, I know the feeling. But focus on you and your happiness. Move on from her!
Sorry you’re going through this – it’s always hard to know your partner is being unfaithful.
But here is the good news – it is waaaaay easier for you guys to go separate ways than if you’d married and this happened.
And trust me when I tell you, that may not feel like a victory, but it 100000% is. I made a mistake getting into what I’d call a “reactionship”, and though there is some good that came out of it, I also spent twice as long disentangling financially from it as the marriage lasted – and not in a friendly way.
You, on the other hand? You’re not going to have a problem selling your house right now at all. You’ll likely profit off of it, because there’s just no inventory, and that’s driving prices up a bit. So you’ll sell your house, split the proceeds and your possessions, and turn a new page over, because you’ll be done with her.
Here’s my advice –
Wait until she’s away and get your stuff into the guest room. No need to explain it or find a new place just yet, if that is an issue.
Rip the Band-Aid all the way off, all at once. “I’ve decided I’m ending things with you. We need to list the house as soon as possible and find new places to live. Or you can buy me out of it.” This phrasing is deliberate – the decision is past tense, here is the plan, here is an alternate plan if you don’t like the first one.
Up to you, but if I knew then what I know now? I wouldn’t debate or explain it. It’s not going to make you feel better. “It’s over. I’ve left you. That’s it.”
Before you move out, make sure in your jurisdiction that this does not constitute abandoning the property. If you have money in it, you need to be sure.
If you anticipate any problem from your -ex, consider whether you can max out the debt via a home equity line of credit. If you think there’s going to be an issue, take the value out of the house to force her hand. But put it somewhere secure, optimally in an out of state registered LLC or something without your name on the account, and without easy to find documentation in the house OR on your phone. If you think you’re going to experience resistance to financial disengagement, then you should anticipate that you’re going to experience EXTREME resistance to “You might want to rethink not selling the house because I’ve taken all the equity out of it.”. You can return it after – and you should.
Take the Japan trip. Bring your best friend, or a sibling, or your mom/dad – someone with no romantic entanglements with whom you’ll have a good time.
Find some busy work – a hobby, studying for a professional certification or exam, courses – to occupy your mind through the transition.
and finally
Sorry you’re going through what you’re going through – but the good news is, you are going to make it through.
Your life isn’t falling apart you are just conditioned by a parasite. Cut it loose and learn to be you. It sucks, it hurts, but learn from it and be stronger for it.
Wake her the fuck up and throw her out.
9 yrs. U didnt want to get married any way. Grow up
Leave that cheating ass heffer alone. You deserve better! Although it’ll be hard but aren’t you glad you found out now before you put a ring on it? Don’t even try to fix anything, she doesn’t deserve you. “Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me!”
3rd times the charm lol
It doesn’t feel this way, but, your life isn’t falling apart… it’s falling perfectly into place. You’re still in your twenties with a house, a ring, you like to travel, you’re not a cheater yourself (I’m assuming) you deserve better than her. Good people, aka valuable life partners don’t do what she’s doing to you. This will never get better than what it is now unfortunately.
Fuck tomorrow bro wake this chic up and kick her out
Thank goodness you got the proof of her cheating. Do NOT GET MARRIED, it’ll never work out.
Kick her cheating ass to the curb.