Let me just start my little rant by saying that I’m aware that everything I’m experiencing is 100% worse and more unsafe for actual trans women. It still sucks though.
For the last year, I’ve been “transvestigated” by a number of people. I’m an AFAB femme … person (?) and I’m currently reevaluating what my gender identity feels like and means to me, so it feels extra sucky. Like I don’t even have the space to figure this shit out for myself.
I’m pretty short, pretty curvy, and ridiculously soft looking. Like, I have a medical condition that straight up looks like someone manually softened my features in photoshop, and that same condition makes it hard to gain muscle.
There’s at least two established friend groups/campaigns at my college dedicated to my perceived transness, and the reach of that rumor on campus is vast. Pretty mcuh everyone I meet for the first time that’s already aware of me has heard about it, and wholeheartedly believes it to be true. It’s gone so far as to reach the school’s medical services, who changed my gender markers based on what they heard. Thanks guys, totally professional. My partner works in the community, and the rumor has even made it to people he works with. (I have a pretty visible job, and there’s a lot of overlap in community politics and our school community so it’s not surprising, just obnoxious.)
But it’s not just weirdos on campus. I’ve been followed into bathrooms. I’ve been harrassed on the street. Some dude followed me through the grocery store a few weeks ago, preaching to me about my transness. Because the campus system ‘talks’ to other medical systems, I have to talk to every. new. doctor. I see about it. Last night some woman called me “sir” when I held the door for her, and when I politely said “oh, of course, but it’s miss” she came back into the story to argue about with me about it. (Fuck you lady, I don’t want to even be called “miss,” but there’s no gender neutral equivalent I know of.) I was in a fucking sundress.
I’m just so tired of this crap.
EDIT: holy shit, this blew up. I really appreciate all the support and advice. I’m gonna respond to some common questions/comments up here since there’s there’s a lot of comments and I fell asleep so I didn’t monitor them very well. I’m gonna be kind of scant with detail bc I’m honestly afraid of certain people finding this post.
some general context: I’m in the US (Montana), and I go to a fairly small school. I’m somewhat well-known on campus because I used to work multiple public facing jobs; harassment campaigns, including this one, are why I no longer do them.
The gender identifiers that were changed in my medical records are supposed to be self-reported, and I’m unsure if they can even be accessed by medical staff or if they have a log of changes. It’s possible that my account was hacked, but I haven’t noticed any other changes.
I haven’t reported my harassment because I’m honestly not sure I’ll be believed or taken seriously. I’ve faced harassment campaigns before, from some of the same people; when I tried to take action previously, I was told by school administration that they can’t do shit without a paper trail, and that life is full of he-said-she-said stuff, so I’m not optimistic. I have no proof other than word of mouth, and the handful of people I know for sure are involved are very good at the metaphorical “I’m not touching you” aspect of bullying. As far as the administration is concerned, what’s happening to me isn’t very nice, but it’s neither a serious concern nor a conduct issue.
The people I know to be involved include are mainly a guy I rejected three years ago and his friends. They have been publicly called out for other types of harassment against other students by our student government, but denied knowing each other. I know this to be false, as my partner used to be in an unregistered club with them.
I cannot seek help from the school newspaper, as unfortunately some of the staff is involved in spreading rumors. This also cannot be proven with a paper trail and is purely word of mouth.
Comments
I would be tempted to drop trou and show them a vulva.
Yikes, people are crazy.
We’ve been shouting for years that transphobia will hurt all women and this is the result. How sad that your whole town has nothing more interesting to do than speculate about someone’s genitals. Anyone asking “What is a woman” is a whole bag of red flags. Sorry that’s happening hon, the ones who are worth your time will take you at your word and not the word of strangers.
Oof, yeah, that really sucks. Transphobia truly rots some people’s brains.
A lot of GNC/nonbinary people have taken “Mx.” pronounced “mix” instead of “Mr.” or “Ms.” as a formal title, though personally I just try to avoid them altogether for people I don’t know.
Damn you’ve managed to pick up most of the negative aspects of being transfem. I wish I had something productive to say other than to give my solidarity. Shit sucks. I will say that, ironically, presenting more fem can sometimes increase the transvestigating. Possibly bc they think you look too perfect to be real.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. As a transfem I know what it’s like and I hate that people’s bigotry is spilling over and affecting other folks so much.
I used to love going to major league baseball games but I haven’t been in two years because I’m worried the crowd would beat me up if I use the women’s restroom and there’s no way I’m comfortable using the men’s room anymore. 🙁
I know it’s tough, hell, I’ve been there, not to the exact same extent, but damn close.
Hey so, you could totally take your school to the cleaners for changing your sex marker based on a rumour. Lawyer up and get that bag.
I’m so deeply sorry. People are so unimaginably disgusting, conducting literal witch hunts like this, going out of their way to cause another person and whole groups of people discomfort, fear, and suffering every day. You dont deserve this. Nobody does.
Is nobody on your side? I guess not, judging by the unbelievably stupid actions of campus medical… I’m so upset for you right now. The hatred in people and how totally content they are being so cruel is beyond my comprehension. I wish I could help
> It’s gone so far as to reach the school’s medical services, who changed my gender markers based on what they heard. […] Because the campus system ‘talks’ to other medical systems, I have to talk to every. new. doctor. I see about it.
What, excuse me, the fuck?! That first thing alone should be grounds for a massive lawsuit, and not correcting obviously wrong data on top of that?
Screw “transvestigators”, obviously – but the school administration is a whole different level. Someone should get fired over this one.
If you’re in the US, you might consider reaching out to the Title IX office. It’s their job to investigate discrimination based on sex as well as sexual harassment. Campaigns to investigate your “perceived transness” fall directly into their wheelhouse. If any of the “friend groups” are students, employees, or associated with the college at all, then the Title IX office will have jurisdiction over them.
Title IX may be able to help with the campus medical system, but if not, there should be a way to file a HIPAA complaint because your file was changed without your consent. Who authorized that, and on what basis? If someone even accessed your file to make this change without a clear clinical need, they should lose their job under the law. Your health system might make this hard to find; it could be under Patient Complaints, Patient Advocates, Protected Health Information, or other similar office names.
Many European countries are going to have even stricter information privacy laws and student protections. It’s a little more varied in other places.
Are you willing to raise hell? Cause honestly I think thats your best course of action here. Get a copy of your birth certificate and a lawyers number (do you have a cousin of a cousin or a neighbor or something? ime just the title/letterhead usually works for scaring businesses) and show up at your school medical office and throw the biggest gd (adult version of a) tantrum they’ve ever seen. Threaten a civil suit, tell them your lawyer will be contacting them, etc etc. If you raise hell at the right places, that will spread too and you could partially undo the rumours that have spread. Cause like, what do you have to lose? These people are already unfairly treating you like shit, you’re clearly scared and stressed out. So now its time for EVERYONE to be scared and stressed lol give anyone who is treating you like that a heart attack tbh.
Oh and btw, those friend groups could somewhat credibly be accused of slander. To be clear, it would basically be guaranteed to not make it in court, but it’d probably be a kinda scary threat to hear from someone with a lawyer who you’ve definitely been slandering lol
This sounds like a huge bullying campaign against you. Have your college acted at all? Did the medical service change your details back when you complained or explain why on earth they thought that was an appropriate action for them to take?
Gossip and rumors are a huge unadressed form of bullying IMO. More needs to be done to inform people of how harmful they can be.
Given that your medical records were changed I think you have an enemy out there who is deliberately trying to sabotage and ruin your life. This is way too persistent for just common gossiping. You should hire a lawyer and possibly a private investigator to look into this, someone is trying to fuck you over.
This is exactly why trans folks have been shouting from the rooftops that transphobia hurts everyone. Every transphobic oppression aims to lock down and control how cis people are allowed to look and behave, too, and the definitions of what is allowed get progressively narrower until everyone fails the test.
I really appreciate where you point recognition of catching strays is different than being the prime target. Getting hit stills sucks, though, and I want to recognize in turn that pain is still pain.
We are all oppressed under capitalism and patriarchy, and until both are dismantled we all get hit directly by those seeking to put us down as well as indirectly by well-meaning folk that aren’t doing their due diligence like those campus staff that changed your records without confirming with you first.
What the FUCK, this is absolutely horrible and I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with this, as a trans woman I can very much empathize with your situation, it feels horrible to be constantly scrutinized in that way
The other commenter who recommended talking to a lawyer was pretty on point, some of that stuff sounds incredibly out of line
Honestly, just another reason why the struggles of cis and trans women are so closely interlinked. I hope things get better for all of us eventually ❤️
Exhibit #93,274,312 that transphobia hurts everyone
The medical team changed your gender marker based on a rumor? I would consult with a lawyer. There are so many violations happening here. I’m sure you could get some cash.
If it makes you feel any better I was accused(for lack of a better word) of being trans while I was pregnant. Like 8/9 months pregnant. A full term pregnancy isn’t enough proof of having a uterus I guess 🤷🏻♀️
The US really is a fascist horrorscape
You mention you’re on campus, are there any organised TERF groups? If the campus doesn’t regulate these they may be liable for not maintaining student safety. You’ve had some advice here on lawyering up and if you don’t have funds ‘no win no fee’ might be possible but there are other options. The college has a responsibility to maintain student wellbeing and protect them from harassment so you could go to the head of campus and complain anonymously, bring your records and written details of dates/times and descriptions of all incidents. They should take action in the form of signs, identifying and expelling harassers and employing bathroom security attendants to ensure none of their female identifying students are being harassed when using the bathroom. If they fail to take adequate measures you can take your documents to the local or national press and complain anonymously if you feel more comfortable that way. The college should be taking responsibility to raise awareness across campus about female students being harassed when attempting to use the bathroom which should address the rumours. I’m so sorry to hear this, how creepy that they are investigating people this way.
“WE CAN ALWAYS TELL” my fucking ass. Nobody can tell shit half the time and it’s just an excuse to hate more!
Remindme! 2 months
Sounds like all of those asshats wouldn’t even believe a dna test. Regardless, your gender, whether A?AB or trans, is nobody’s business. The ONLY time I could see gender reassignment being an important issue is involving medical emergencies as related to birth gender. But those are very few.
Is this in the US? Because the Title IX ombudsman should shut down any official participation. Use the key words “hostile learning environment” or “hostile work environment.”
I’d do an interview with the school newspaper. Show the paper your birth certificate. They can interview your parents. Talk about your condition. I’d go so far as using my gynecologist as a reference. I’d also say there is nothing wrong with being trans, but if I were trans, I would be a trans man.
I have been attacked like this, but for a different reason, and I am truly sorry this is happening to you.
If you’re in the US, this is a Title IX violation. Go to the Title IX coordinator at your school and file a complaint.
Welcome to the world under Taco. Due to the Taco in charge, there isn’t much you can do.
No more DEI and only two sexes.
What did the authorities say when you report this harassment?
This sounds like sexual harassment and gender bias – especially the changing of the gender marker (which could be considered private medical information) without your consent, and based on a rumor. I would contact a lawyer with higher ed/sexual harassment/Title IX experience and AFTER that have your attorney contact the university. Being followed on the street and publicly harassed demonstrates that the actions of these individuals is directly threatening your physical/mental health and safety. If you live in a one party state and feel safe doing so, begin to film any interactions or harassment pertaining to this issue.
Also: if you can, write down any incidents (date, location, who said what) and make sure that you have any digital files or emails from the school printed out. Document, document, document.
How is this anyone’s business but yours?! Fuck all these shitty people.
You need to lawyer up because that medical record shit is WILD.
Also, even though you are not trans, what is happening to you absolutely does affect trans people and make them less safe, so I’d reach out to some local trans/LGBTQ+ serving organizations to tell them about your experience and seek advice on recourse. It’s entirely possible that your story could be valuable to them as part of a larger advocacy campaign or legal case they’re building, etc.
I’m seeing a lot of people commenting about how you should prove you’re cis.
My opinion is that transvestigating cis women is only going to increase, because most of the time the payoff is too good.
The whole point is to force cis women into separating themselves from trans women. Anything you do or say to “prove” you’re a women will be taken as a win by these trolls. You’re pregnant? Well, so you’re saying your uterus proves that you’re a women. You show them a vulva or a blood test or a birth certificate? All things that they’ve been screaming that prove who real women are.
Transphobic people don’t accept trans women as real women, so anything that proves your assigned gender at birth just plays into their narrative that trans women aren’t real women.
Sucking all the oxygen out of the room is the point. Making people prove their “real” gender is the point. Forcing women into corners is the whole point, because then they control what we’re talking about.
I don’t know the answer because obviously OP shouldn’t have to live with this kind of crazy harassment. But proving her gender is going to be both insanely invasive and will give this type of harassment more oxygen. And well meaning people end up being pretty transphobic themselves in these conversations (see any online conversation about Imane Khalif).
This totally stinks. I’m sorry you have to go through it. Absolutely check with your Title IX office and get the records changes shut down immediately. File a HIPAA complaint. I’m a trans woman that worked in the insurance industry for a long time and a lawyer that handled insurance fraud investigations. When you said they changed your medical records I nearly spit up my water.
One other thing I should mention is that having the wrong gender in your records could be dangerous to your health. Several lab tests, such as kidney function, depend on your gender being correct. The results for men and women are different because of the hormones. With the wrong gender they might miss something when reading your results.
Are you in the US?
You have a lot of great advice here. Just popping in to say I’m sorry this is happening. People suck. Women, men, queer folks and everyone here there or in between deserve better. Please be careful!!
I’m a jerk, So I would lean in to fuck with them;
I would get a 4″ custom button pin with a QR code to your AFAB birth certificate, and some baby pictures when you are a toddler.
Followed by a “shame-on-you; “I had a close call with a cancer doctor, you SHOULD be praying fir my health. Email my Pastor at ____. He sends me a news letter of the KIND prayers.”
Maybe even ask for a donation to offset hosting costs. Every dollar helps – God bless you with the day you deserve!!”
There has to be a way to do something to the medical office for changing your records based on nothing but speculation.
I wish you could somehow sue for slander without it coming off as trans being a bad thing you’re accused of, because it’s obviously been damaging to you.
sounds like you go to school somewhere very conservative is it a christian or catholic college?
I don’t understand people who make transvestigating some kind of weird hobby like if you’re not getting romantically involved with the person why does it matter
The medical thing has blown my mind, but just in general: what the fuck?! Why do people care so much about a person’s genitals that it’s like an agenda of entire groups of people? Like what do they gain to look at someone and go “totally trans”?
This is insane. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Please consider what others have suggested and look into who is doing this. Your medical records being changed is egregious. You think at least they would know the truth, but apparently not. If they can change that, who knows what else they can change without your knowledge or consent.
Transphobia is disgusting, and it hurts everybody.
This sounds like a lawsuit. There is no way a medical record should be changed without your prior knowledge or consent.
It also sounds like your privacy may have been compromised? Why did they think they needed to change this information if you didn’t ask for it to be changed or updated? Who were they discussing your private records with? Who decided it was to be changed without even talking to you?
Is this the proper procedure with all patients, or are you being singled out? Who has access to this file? How many times has it been accessed, and by whom?
Ask for an audit. File a complaint. And seek legal advice.
I’m confused as hell why would soft features lead to people thinking trans? (Not that it matters fuck transphobes)
This is worse. This is someone deliberately targeting you. Rumors shouldn’t be able to change your medical records. Definitely get a lawyer.
It sounds as dangerous for you as it is for trans folk. Not to alarm you even more, but reading your story is actually scary. Please stay safe (perhaps by trying to be accompanied by people you trust most of the time), and what other commenters have suggested sounds right to me (investigations and lawsuits where appropriate).
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Truly.
I know how much it sucks first hand.
It’s wrong to do to ANYONE. A person’s medical info belongs ONLY TO THEM. No one that you aren’t intimate with deserves any of this info. Trans or not.
This is why vocal resistance to these shit trends is so important. They aren’t going to stop with us.
Lastly, it’s only the transphobes being weird about washrooms. That’s weird, isn’t it?
I dont have any advice that hasn’t been offered, but I wanted to send you empathy and virtual hugs. I cannot imagine the emotional exhaustion.
This “There’s at least two established friend groups/campaigns at my college dedicated to my perceived transness” is harassment.
If there is an organization that oversees student conduct please tell them.
Sue them. Get a personal injury lawyer and sue them for slander. If you are not trans, it’s not harassment, its slander. We have laws and lawyers for a reason. This is NOT OK.
I agree with everyone else here. You are being harassed not just by your fellow students and fellow adults, but by a part of the college itself. Lawyer up if you can.
Regardless of where you’re located, this is the kind of thing that warrants a complaint to a regulatory authority, body, or office. Something like an ombudsman’s office, or the equivalent of the Title IX office in the US, whatever entity has oversight and authority to investigate and act to protect students’ rights. (Or faculty/staff, if that’s what your role is.)
What’s happened is that the rumor that you’re transgender has created a hostile environment for you, certainly medically, and it also sounds like academically. It’s bullshit and you have every right to act to put an end to it.
If you work at the school, then I’d probably register a complaint to whatever is the equivalent of HR or the Title IX office. If you’re a student, then there’s probably an student Ombudsman’s office, along with a Title IX complaint. For the medical records issue, that’s a complaint to whoever at the hospital manages patient records, and if you have something like HIPAA in place there’s usually a way to make a complaint outside of the hospital. (As an example, this is where you can make a HIPAA complaint in the US: https://www.hhs.gov/hipaa/filing-a-complaint/index.html )
For what it’s worth, I work at a hospital. Patient records are sacrosanct. By law, we aren’t allowed to access them beyond whatever is required to do our jobs, and we aren’t allowed to change them unless the patient or their legal representative/guardian tells us to (either verbally or in writing). So whoever went in there and changed your gender based on rumor is WAY out of line, and deserves to have your hospital’s regulatory body go up their ass with a microscope (and possibly fire and/or fine them).
If you are in the US I can post more links that might be of use, just LMK. I’m sorry you’re going through all this – it’s absolutely ridiculous, and shouldn’t be anybody’s damn business what gender you are. People suck.
You need an attorney. This is harassment and it is endangering your life.
The fact that someone changed your medical records based on a rumor? That’s a crime. It is straight up falsification of records and it is illegal. You need an attorney to get a lawsuit ball rolling, so that the college will investigate and find out which individual did it. Because again, it’s a crime. Electronic records systems log access and log changes. The system will show who changed the record.
You need to also mobilize your friends. Your friends need to push back whenever they hear this rumor. Someone says “Oh you know Waldorfschooldropout is trans!” and your friends should say “That’s not true, it is a dirty rumor. I mean, have you SEEN her? Her features are as feminine as it gets.” Your friends need to push back and shame the fuck out of the people spreading this rumor.
It doesn’t matter that things are worse for trans women; this is still a dangerous situation for you. Solidarity does not require you to NOT defend yourself against lies.
Time to start packing for self-defense, OP.
Also, yes lawyer up, this is unnerving af and you actually sound pretty relaxed compared to how one could potentially get about these things. All the best, and stay safe, please.
OP you need to contact a lawyer. Someone has falsified your medical records. Not to mention this is a clear campaign of harassment and intimidation.
Your college has possibly broken some laws regarding title 9 since you are AFAB and cisgender. Even with the attempts to roll back protections, you still have them and have the right to use them.
I am sorry I dont know exactly who you should contact, but I would look into lawyers who specialize in sex discrimination and/or medical law.
You are in just as much danger as a trans women in this situation. It only takes one unhinged individual to follow you into a restroom and assault you. Please do everything you can to keep yourself safe and take legal action.
Getting things fixed on medical records can be a colossal mess. I am still fixing an error from four years ago regarding one of my medical conditions. The fact your gender marker has been changed without your consent absolutely puts you in danger as well and can potentially be a problem for years to come.
HIPAA
Solidarity. I’m not in the U.S. so I don’t face the same challenges as you but I was physically and sexually assaulted because someone thought I was trans. I’m a cis hetero feminine woman with a shaved head. I refuse to discuss my sexuality or my gender because its no one’s business and has no bearing on anything. Doesn’t stop other people from trying though.
Lawyers are going to have a field day with your school, and you can retire early to a log cabin in the middle of nowhere.
Your medical records being messed with gives you a bit of a clue as to what might be going down, or at least drastically shortens the list of WHO may be spear-heading this (or at least gives you a list of people who may be involved).
If I were you I’d get a lawyer involved asap.
I was in a somewhat similar position to you a while ago. Although I wasn’t being transvestigated, I was being pornvestigated. An older female colleague decided that I must have an only fans or have a history in the adult industry (based solely off my body type, I think). She became obsessed with finding and revealing my history as a sex worker (she knew that I would likely lose my position or AT LEAST go through hell if she did this)….she became obsessed with the idea but the only issue for her was that I have never made porn or been a sex worker of any kind. She ultimately put a “bounty” out and offered 1k to anyone who could find my onlyfans or porn of me anywhere. Cue people producing HUNDREDS of AI images of me (fortunately very obviously fake ones) in order to try to claim the 1k.
I tried to report her multiple times and was brushed off. Eventually I got a lawyer involved, and while I don’t want to get into too much detail here about the nature of what exactly played out, I’ll just say I got a FAT settlement.
From the sounds of it, you might be entitled to a similarly fat settlement, or at the very least some justice of some kind.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know what I went through was different but I know what it’s like to be witch hunted and it SUCKS.
Give them hell, sweetie. They deserve it.
This is sort of why transphobia is bad. It just leads to witchhunts
Did you know that to change your medical records without your permission is
HIPAA violation
Get an attorney. It’s a place to start
You need legal council, this is harassment and an illegal invasion of private medical records.
My spouse has been harassed for the same kind of thing despite being a AFAB-person who could convincingly cosplay Jessica Rabbit if they felt so inclined.
And that’s just for going with a punky tomboyish kind of look.
It’s worse for women who’re trans, like, obviously but it really lays bare the truth of it: It’s about turning normal people (or empowering overt bigots) into feeling righteous in their attempts to harass people in service of conformity.
If this is true you could have a really fruitful lawsuit on your hands, I would delete this post immediately and speak to a lawyer.
This is in college? Like a small one? At my college, 0nobody knew anybody. Something like this might happen at a smaller level like sororities or clubs. That’s crazy.
I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I will never understand people’s never ending maliciousness.
The time, coordination and energy this took to eek out just to harm you by this or these individuals is astounding.
Someone is obsessed with you and taking it out on you. They have too much free time and should get a second job or a G.D. hobby.
I hope you find justice.
Please don’t let this go OP
Sounds like some medical person changing your records committed a HIPPA violation.
Surely you must sound feminine, these people suck.
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> It’s gone so far as to reach the school’s medical services, who changed my gender markers based on what they heard.
Are you seriously claiming your school changed your gender purely from what they somehow got from social media?
Come on.
Hey, being on a opposite side of fence where I am amab and still figuring out my gender or should I come out.. I can totally feel your concern and situation. I am not out to anyone and remotely feminine.. feel free to message me if you want to vent . I would love to be your ear, withougbt any judgement
where are you? some of this is illegal in most of the US, less so in Red states; the ones with high level of stupids