my peers keep talking about going to all these 4-year universities across the state. or, even going to different states. meanwhile, little ol’ me is staying at home for community college.
i envy them.
me going to CC is partially my fault, and partially for the best. due to laziness and mental illness, I didn’t even THINK about college until the end of my jr. year đ not very smart of me. my gpa is a 3.4, which isn’t bad, but not high enough to get good scholarships or a full ride.
all the colleges and unis i got into are quite expensive, unfortunately. i DO NOT, DO NOOOOTT want a lot of debt. so I’m settling for community college. its cheap, I’ll get to really figure out what i want to do, and I’ll still get to work at my local jobs. i can volunteer at various places, to get some experience.
however, i just feel stuck. i know my future’s bright, but its gonna be boring. i really wanted to leave my very white, slightly conservative town (as a black girl). due to a small house, i still share a room and bed with my mom. my adult sibling has their own room, lucky them. the whole house is a safety hazard with how cluttered it is.
my family is overprotective of me, and babies me. my mom discourages me from hanging out with friends outside of school. i’m still not allowed to have sleepovers, and definitely won’t be able to go on beach trips (“too far!”) or concerts (“demonic!”). i’ve seen my mom talk my sibling out of things multiple times, and they’re a full grown adult.
i’m genderfluid and bi, but i cant express that because my family thinks gay people have “bad spirits”. i’m not religious anymore, but when i was Christian i HATED going to my church. I’ll prolly still be forced to go.
theres also much more my mom and i disagree on. i want a small piercing (she hates them!) i want to go out with friends more than once a month (its “indecent”!) i want, and might need to stay up late sometimes (she’ll keep waking up, wondering why I’m not in bed). i want to go on birth control, which my endo reccomended for my excess male hormones (she thinks they’ll fuck my body up!)
i apologize for sounding whiny đ i just feel like I’ll always be mentally behind my peers. I feel like i won’t get to be an adult since I’m staying home đ
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could you not transfer? and honestly, even with community college, it’ll be an opportunity to meet new people and get out of the house. and like life won’t end in your early twenties, you have a lot of years ahead of you to be yourself
Hi there! You donât sound whiny at all. Your educational situation seems solid. Your family situation seems like a shitshow. Your feelings seem reasonable and proportional.
Iâm not American so only have a hazy idea of how third level works. But canât you transfer from CC to somewhere else/ further away? Can you work towards scholarships still?
My best advice is MAKE A PLAN. You can do this.
Youâre living situation sounds stressful and stifling! But, thereâs nothing wrong with community college!!! Out of curiosity, have you thought about looking at programs that only require 2 year degrees, so you can get out of your living situation sooner? My 17 year old is going to do a welding program- theyâre co-op, so heâll start working pretty quickly. Even if welding isnât what you want, I think some other programs are set up similarlyâŚI have friends that are traveling nurses and seem to love it.
I know itâs hard, but good luck!
Also, youâre not whiny. All of that is a lot to deal with. You have been given no room to think for yourself or be who you really are. Thatâs a lot to deal with.
I went to a four-year school right away, and I honestly wish I hadnât. If Iâd gone to CC first, I would have saved so much money. Itâs ok to feel upset now, but itâs only a short time and future you will be happy you did it when you arenât saddled with the level of soul-crushing debt your peers have.
I mean… I got a GED, got my Associates from Community College, then my BA from Carolina and now I’m studying for my master’s at Harvard’s Extension School.
You can go anywhere you like if you spend your time pushing and not focused on things that are not reversible.
Go to community college with the rest of the people who are determined to do it despite the challenges of life.
Then go on to do more good things.
Eh, youâre being smart. Nothing wrong with community college
A lot of folks heading to a four year university will party their way out, freak their way out or will drop out. Those are the stats
Itâs not all roses
Once youâve got school sorted, you can pick up a job. Maybe through Work/Study, on campus. Or in a call center. I worked my way through school as a Phone Company customer service rep.
Once you have a job, move out. Youâll have the peace you need. Your living situation isâŚ.inappropriate.
Youâll be fine
My teachers and quality of education at CC was far better than University. I remember my first university lecture hall class, taught by the professorâs assistant because the professor was busy.
Your needs to express yourself aren’t being met. In my experience of going back cc at 29, it was a place where people could be themselves more even though I was in Southern Missouri, which was a very conservative area. Unless a person has unlimited money or is playing sports on a scholarship, I always recommend doing the first 2 years at cc.
I also suggest going to school to learn a job that hires right away and can support oneself and changing career later in life rather than attempting to pick a permanent career before having the 20s for self-discovery. Take an additional class that interests you now.
Youâve been given a lot of good information and advice so I wonât repeat that. But I will say this is the largest graduating class ever, and very very few are getting good scholarships and full rides. Thereâs just too many incoming freshmen this year. Not getting thousands of dollars into debt is such a smart decision. Many community colleges also have great programs and a good social life too as long as you make an effort to get involved.
Community college is a great option good for you thinking about your future and debt!
Home life can be better but you’re taking all the right steps, keep your head up.
You’re an adult. Don’t ask your mother’s permission regarding your medical care if it’s bringing harm.
Stop blaming your mother. What’s she going to do if you go out more than once per month?
Community College is fine if you want to avoid debt. Consider that if you do well enough on that SAT and get good grades now, you can transfer your community college to a 4 yr uni.
Fix your room like a studio apartment and close the door. Think of it as better than a dorm room.
A lot of people are working and going to online classes, but many point out in person classes the teachers are easier.
Youre not being whiny, youâre just expressing yourself.
thereâs no shame in going to CC for the first couple years. Lots of people do it. It is a great way to save money especially when you arenât sure what you want to focus on,, they usually have loads of classes and ways to tests your interest in a subject.
I went to night school then full time CC. But your home lifeâŚto get the most out of your education you will need to push back on your mom a bit so you can have the freedom to do your best.
I went to CC first, fell in love with an elective, switched majors, had a child, got married, had another child, went to complete BS, got divorced, graduated, and landed my dream job.
Took me 12 years to finish a 4 year degree because of my “speed bumps” but I gained priceless time with my kids as babies, as once in a lifetime vacation, loads of life experiences, and really great job experience I would not have had, otherwise. All of which either greatly enriched my world, or helped me professionally.
I went to CC my first year of college. Initially it broke my heart. I had perfect grades, I knew what I wanted to do, and it made me feel like I failed in some way.
But I was broke and didn’t want unnecessary debt. I banged out my gen eds for barely anything. The experience was underwhelming. I did transfer to a 4 year and that still took me 13 years to pay off
Now? I am glad I did it. I saved so much money and it helped me rewire how I approached the world a bit. I did make friends. I did find some fun. And I learned that practical choices have value and that my emotional need for certain experiences might not always be worth the chase.
Life isn’t a race.
I hear you…I started at community College. My grades meant my parents paid for all 4 years of college (with no guilt or complaints).
The younger we are, the more we are in a hurry. There is just so much to do, so many things to see and controlling parents to flee (whether they are or are not, it always feels like freedom is away from them)
Social media shows the clothes, the vacations, the parties the success of everyone but us….but it’s fake news and behind all that are a lot of problems.
From my perspective as an old person, the more perfect someone’s life looks, the bigger and messier the explosion will be, the greater the wreckage, the more people damaged.
So. Focus. Take the hard classes. Get the best grades you can right there at community College. Additionally, try to figure out what you really care about and are willing to put effort into. It’s called finding your purpose, and purpose is what gives life color and meaning.
Not only will you grow and get joy from your purpose, it will keep you out of the house until you can move to the next chapter of your life.
Try things on. Volunteer at anything that looks interesting. On the way you will meet people you can connect with, too.
Not every chapter of our lives is fun. They aren’t all the same length, either, but if you can find joy, you will have respite.
Aw!
Yeah, I get that staying home is not as fun.
However, youâll have a MASSIVE leg up on the 4 year people in a few years.
The average student loan debt per borrower in 2024 was $38,883. Your community college tuition will likely cut that a lot for you, and then you likely wonât have to bother with GenEds much, if at all, in your last two years. If you arenât truly certain what you want to do yet, this is a godsend financially.
Given Trumpâs education policies stated on the campaign trail, thereâs likely to be one hell of a big bubble in student debt around the corner thatâs going to be way bigger than the âquietâ one people around my age got caught in when theyâd taken out loans already but still had to complete their degrees yet when George W Bushâs education policies went into effect and drove public school tuition through the roof for a few years.
In hindsight, I have some student loans from one school I probably shouldnât have attended, and I regret those. The faster you can pay those suckers off, the better off you will be.
If you want, try to do some volunteer work or activities while at CC or in your spare time that might make it so you can get a scholarship for your 4 year college of choice. Talk to their foundation- they love helping students!
If you get that and it covers enough, then you really donât need to worry about what your parents say about it at 18- they wonât be footing the bill.
Socially- see what clubs or teams the CC has. You can still meet new friends, and slowly push those boundaries while you save up for your own place.
I have a friend that went to community college for 2 years, got great grades, then got accepted to an Ivy, and now has a solid job.
Community college is a nice way to get the general education classes out of the way and not go into debt doing it. It might not be fun now, but in 6 years when you have a fraction of the loans or none, that your peers have, you’ll see it was worth it.
I needed the CC to grow up before hitting the big universities. Did me well.
Go to the cc get a transferable associates degree and transfer as planned. Good luck and if you work had you can transfer to a solid university within 2 years.
Great plan financially… take your first 2 years at community College, then transfer to the more expensive school to finish in your field.
Try not to waste your energy on being bitter. Look for the advantages in this plan. Get a part time job and save some spending money for your next 2 years. Find a club or special interest group and meet others in your same situation.
There is nothing wrong with community college.
If I were you, I would find a job to do when you arenât working. You could probably make enough money to rent a room somewhere and get some roommates. You can check on Facebook groups or Craigslist for people looking for roommates. That will at least give you some freedom
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I think you are being infantilized. I went to a university first and then ended up switching to a community college because that’s where I found the program I wanted. I returned to the university later. But that’s my situation, not yours. I couldn’t wait to get out on my own and I
loved being in the dorm. I am very fortunate in that my Community College had a nearby dorm, not owned by them, but they had rooms to rent.
All I can suggest is that you try to focus your time and do the best you can at the community college so that you are ready for transfer. If you don’t have one of the academic advisors there yet, get one. The idea is not only to find your passion, what you may major in, but also to prepare yourself for transfer to a four-year college or university for junior and senior year. No matter how much it costs, even if you have to do a college loan, it will still be half what it would have been. And yes, it is the experience of a lifetime.
From what you describe, your mother will not care for this idea. She probably wants you to stay at home until you find a gentleman she approves of for marriage, preferably when you’re 47. Just kidding about the age, but only half kidding. So one of the main challenges is going to be standing up for yourself and moving on with your life as you want. It will be the ultimate challenge of adulthood, while you are still a very young adult. Not easy but possible.
If you find a good college or university for yourself in 2 years, please be ready to be strong. Even when they object to what their adult children are doing, parents respect them more if they stand up for themselves and succeed. You’re not joining a gang. You’re giving yourself the opportunity to have a higher education, ideally a wonderful profession, and further your abilities in life.
And everything’s not academics. Part of education is socialization, and membership in your community as a young woman and emerging adult. You will continue to learn to become a good citizen and to get along in groups, just like they have in life and at work. They did that with all of us in school as kids, it’s happening at the community college, but on a higher level, and it will continue at the university, if you go to one.
I don’t know how to convince your mother that the value she has instilled in you will guide you not necessarily in the path she wants, but in a safe and healthy path, regardless. And that’s so way off about the bad spirits and everything, you have your own set of values, and yours are loving and accepting. She probably remembers that love is the most important lesson. If not, that’s okay. You know it. Keep going. I believe in you. It’s hard to have patience, but you’ll get there. You will be the master of your own destiny.
I did my first few years at a community college, then transferred the credits over. Nothing wrong with cheaper solutions!
I liked my community college better than the university. I made more friends at the smaller school. No one knows the difference in the professional world, or cares
Hey I know itâs sucks! I did NOT go to college. 18-24 I was bitter too. I knew it was the best decision for me but just the way people reacted the way my parents reacted.
As I got older a lot of the people in the 4 year schools fucked around the whole time, accumulated a shit ton of debt and either flunked out or finished with a bull shit degree and manage a Nike store.
Not knocking anybody but just stating facts. I have friends who went to university and are KILLING it rn. And Iâm happy for em but I didnât even go to trade school or anything and make 100k a year.
Half of my employees have degrees and regret wasting their time.
My point though is literally focus on you. Work on you. Everything else is just noise. Youâre doing great! Keep it up âĽď¸
You can transfer to a 4 year after getting most of the basics under your belt. Take classes that are transferable just in case! It is very smart to not overpay for education unnecessarily. Join clubs and find ways to build community and contacts at your cc school. Thatâs really the leg up that for year schools have on community colleges- the activities and social aspect. But there are still opportunities at cc- you just have to look or maybe even start one yourself!
The flunk out rate at large universities is usually around 50% for incoming freshmen. Lack of maturity, being homesick, and many classes with only 2-3 grades for the semester for some classes. No extra credit and parents canât talk to professors if student is over 18.
Many of your classmates will be back home next year. Some may not even make to Christmas before returning.
Youâre going to be fine.
It’s the same degree in the end if you transfer, you will save thousands, and there’s some cool classes at the CC that universities may not have. Costume design, puppetry, etc.
I went to community college and trust me itâs not bad at all! Community college is much cheaper than going to a 4 year university and a lot of my peers went on to a 4 year school, and if your CC has a transfer agreement with a 4 year university you can earn your Bachelorâs in 3 years instead of 4. Itâs also a good time to beef up your GPA and earn some academic merit.
If anything I think this is a really smart move and Iâm glad I didnât waste all that time and money at a 4 year university trying to figure out what I really wanted to do later in life. Iâm 31 and graduated with my associates last year after starting at a CC at 18 (it took until I was 24 to know what I wanted my career to be), and Iâm looking to continue into a 4 year school soon. I definitely felt like I was behind my peers but a lot of them went to college and do absolutely nothing with that big expensive degree.
I also met a lot of great and awesome people at college. Had a lot of fun, had some amazing education opportunities, and grew a lot as a person. A lot of underprivileged people go to community college and I think youâll appreciate their company more than those who got a full paid ride with their parentsâ money.
Here’s a secret from an old fart like myself: unless you want a job in academia, no one will care what college or uni you went to once you have a job. Anyone who is worth your time will care about the kind of person you are, the quality of your work, and how good a team member you are.
Besides, if anyone asks, you can say, “I saved a metric shitton of money by going to a community college. I’m 23 and debt-free!”
Most of your peers have no idea what they are getting into in terms of a career community College is nice play to grow
Community college is an awesome way to start education. You are getting the first two years of college for much less expense than your peers going to universities. And most community colleges have agreements with certain universities for credits to transfer so you don’t have to repeat stuff.
This is how I started when I decided I needed higher education in my thirties. Community college than a state school for BA and MA.
Now my 18 year old is set up to start at our CC in the fall. This is a kid with a 4.0 GPA who is taking multiple AP classes and testing for some college credits. He wanted to start small and local. He’s unsure of his path yet and doesn’t want university-level debt while he’s figuring that out.
You’re not “behind” your peers. You’re making a wise financial decision.
Community college is nothing to be bitter about. My son went for the first 2 yrs. He worked while he went and saved all that money. Heâs now transferring to one of the top state schools in the North East and has enough money banked to pay for housing to go. FAFSA and state aid are enough to pay for tuition. He will graduate debt free and this is before he applies for all the scholarships he can. He still plans on applying for those. He might graduate debt free WITH that nest egg of money. Financially, this was the smartest thing to do.