hello ! so for some context before i start what i wanna say, ive (20F) been with my bf (19M) for almost 2 years now and at first me and his mom were great but then 6 months in, his little sister (12F) told us that she had been talking shit abt me behind my back and it just got worse from there, eventually everytime i came over his sister would always have something new to tell me about what their mom said and one day i had enough and asked for something i gave her back and she snapped and kicked me out of her house and it was a big thing, whatever, its been 2 months now so whatever, anyways fast foward to now, i say im confused because she still ACTIVELY talks about me and only calls me “bitch” when referring to me but she “extended” a dinner invitation to me when they all went out to dinner, she invited me over to comfort my bf when they watched their family members funeral, and now they just got 2 cats and i offered to cut their cats nails (because im a vet tech) and because inexpierenced people cutting animal nails is bad and to my surprise she actually agreed to that which means shes letting me in her house just to do that and shes also giving me an extra airtag for my dog, so shes being relatively nice ish but shes still rude and talks shit so im confused where she stands on me and how she feels about me but i hope eventually things can go back to normal or at least how they were so i can actually come over again and just not live in constant anger over what she says about me but yea im just confused on where she stands with me, if anyone can help me understand why shes like this or have any advice feel free to comment
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This will continue to escalate. Can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with this woman? Therapy is in order, for all three of you.
Are you sure she’s trash talking you and it’s not something the sister has made up?
She doesn’t like you, but she likes the convenience of you. That’s why she’ll let you trim her cats’ nails or hand you an AirTag while still calling you a “bitch” behind your back. It’s not mixed signals, it’s just her wanting the perks without the respect. Don’t waste energy trying to decode it, people show you how they feel, and she already has.
She’s basically keeping the door open when it benefits her and throwing shade the rest of the time. Classic “I want the perks but not the respect” energy. I’d tread carefully, don’t get sucked into thinking her occasional niceness equals genuine change.
She’s being passive-aggressive, testing boundaries while keeping control. Accept the kindness when it’s genuine (like the cats), but don’t read too much into it. Protect your peace, stay polite, and let her actions, not words, define the relationship.
You’re so young, someone here told me when I was your age that it’s not worth the hassle to date anyone with a mother like this until they’re walking on their own two feet. Unless your partner stands up for you it’s not worth it.
Why is she a two faced bitch? Insecurity and fear, most likely. She fears loss of control over her son as he grows up into an autonomous adult. So you are her target.
Advice? Stop seeking her approval and her company, stop doing free favors for a woman who dislikes you. Cultivate your self confidence and self respect. And do not tolerate misbehavior from her or anyone, don’t be your bf’s doormat or meat shield. Either he steps up & stands up for himself & his choices or he buckles. If he buckles, then you have other choices to make.