I need help deciding whether or not I should end my 3 year long relationship. My bf 23m and I 23f have been best friends since middle school so when I got out of a bad relationship and our friendship rekindled it felt so safe and I jumped into a relationship with him. Through the years he’s always been nice and supportive to me. Although he’s been a great person he hasn’t always been a great partner. This was highlighted especially after we moved in together. I have bought every single piece of furniture for our place, I cook every single meal, and I have paid for almost every date. I also moved 2 hours away from my family, friends, and a job I loved for him. I have brought up these issues and other multiple times in calm conversations but nothing changes. Recently we’ve been going through a rough patch for a few months. One night I got the feeling that I should go through his phone which I’ve never done and I found out that he lied to me a month and a half ago. He told me he was hanging out with a guy friend but he was really getting dinner with another girl. She’s the only girl I’ve ever been worried about in our relationship. I’ve been cheated on in every other relationship and his betrayal of my trust and lying about something so minor has really been making me reconsider our relationship. What should I do?
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Backup of the post’s body: I need help deciding whether or not I should end my 3 year long relationship. My bf 23m and I 23f have been best friends since middle school so when I got out of a bad relationship and our friendship rekindled it felt so safe and I jumped into a relationship with him. Through the years he’s always been nice and supportive to me. Although he’s been a great person he hasn’t always been a great partner. This was highlighted especially after we moved in together. I have bought every single piece of furniture for our place, I cook every single meal, and I have paid for almost every date. I also moved 2 hours away from my family, friends, and a job I loved for him. I have brought up these issues and other multiple times in calm conversations but nothing changes. Recently we’ve been going through a rough patch for a few months. One night I got the feeling that I should go through his phone which I’ve never done and I found out that he lied to me a month and a half ago. He told me he was hanging out with a guy friend but he was really getting dinner with another girl. She’s the only girl I’ve ever been worried about in our relationship. I’ve been cheated on in every other relationship and his betrayal of my trust and lying about something so minor has really been making me reconsider our relationship. What should I do?
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When you get to the point of having to go through your ‘partner’ s phone, it’s over.
I put partner in quites because it doesn’t seem like he’s a partner at all.
You already know the answer to this question. Don’t waste any more of your time making his life better when he won’t do the same for you.
If you have to ask then you already have your answer
If you have to ask Reddit, it’s cooked. Dont stay
You are the only one that can decide wheter to break or continue as the facts that you have stated are in no way a look into your relationship, theres a lot missing.
Either way, to me lying is a big no-no as it shatters my trust completly, though I will talk to see the reasoning behind the lies. It’s not that important what you have done as I get the feeling that you would have done it without complaining if there was an acknowledgment on his part; so the bigger issue is that he seems to not pay attention to your feelings and complains. You shouldnt have to put up with a relationship that feels one-sided, if he wont listen why should you stay?
Sounds like the relationship has run its course.
Best of luck on your next steps
Tell him you are aware of the date, he hasn’t held up his end of being a partner, and you are breaking up with him. Do it NOW
Greetings
I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I would say it’s not so much that he went out with her, but he lied about her. That lie is a tell.
If he’s lied to you about this, what else is he lied about? Go somewhere like to your family’s house with them or out to the mall or something so that you’re not alone with him, then confront him about it. If he loses control or reacts poorly, you know immediately it’s over.
There may not be a way to save the relationship once the trust is broken. Only you can decide if you’re willing to take that risk if you’re willing to bring more time into the relationship with it as it is.
I personally think once someone is lying to you in a relationship, that is probably is not going to change. In my opinion you should probably just start making your plans to separate. if this is the route you choose I wouldn’t even bother confronting him. Just say it’s not working and move on.
Again I’m sorry it’s never easy, I wish you the best.
Aka Fred
You said it yourself, he’s not a good partner. That’s the only reason needed to end the relationship
But it’s not minor, is it? What’s your boundary for cheating? Are you going through this so you can choose which type of cheating betrayal you prefer? You know what’s up.
Time to go. Pack up your apartment. Thank him for the “wife” experience and go back home.
He’s doing because he can. Simple as that.
Well, you are his Sugar Mama.
If you are okay with that arrangement, stay.
If not, go.
He was a fool for taking a chance of losing his meal ticket.
You were very young when you got together. You have both grown out of the relationship. Time to move on.
Don’t ever put yourself into the position of being a grown man’s mommy. They are capable of cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, handling finances, and any other tasks that come up, along side you. That’s called a partnership. This dude has a lot of growing up to do. Don’t waste any more time with him. These early in life relationships are usually not your forever person, just an important learning experience.
Read your own post. As if you aren’t the OP, what would you tell this young woman? You know the answer babe. Or talk to him if you really do love him. And sounds like he might need tough love. Tell him he is a man not and no longer a boy and needs to step up.
I think all you’re doing here is confirming what you already know. Which is not a bad idea. It’s always good to talk it out. You deserve better.
Decide your dignity is more important than your reflex to make life easier for him.
Your urge to love AT him, doesn’t make him worthy of your love. Be honest, what does he actually bring to the relationship?
Pretend you had the same history with a different guy, would you even notice if he was swapped out for another person, or is he just kind of “there”
Why would you stay?
Just do it, stop thinking hundred times of it…. if you already have it in your mind, you know what to do!
Break up and report about it on reddit! Lets gooo
Guuurrrrlll. 😪