I’ve (22f) have never liked anyone before. I’m incredibly dense and so the only way I can pick up on things is if people are super direct. We work in the same place and he (22m) is my manager, which is an issue on its own. I liked this guy soon after meeting him, he’s observant and kind, genuinely one of the most gentle souls I’ve ever met. My friend pointed out he even resembles one of my childhood crushes (Wasabi, from Big Hero 6, just with natural hair instead of locs).
I didn’t realize the way we were perceived until it got around that several new employees thought we were dating. When I was asked about it I didn’t really know what to think. We aren’t dating but we do joke about it a lot. He does regularly break the silence by asking something like “so when are we going to make out?” Or “When are we going to hold hands?” Which, again, I’m really fucking dense. I didn’t think anything of it when he insisted on paying for things and was only asking me if I wanted anything from the store when he took his break. Now it’s very glaringly obvious and I don’t know what to do.
I have one requirement for dating. I genuinely don’t care about height, weight, gender, style, star sign, job, whatever. My only requirement and strong deal breaker is I don’t want to be with someone who drinks a lot or would consider themselves an alcoholic. Preferably they don’t drink AT ALL. I don’t drink personally, and I’ve watched alcohol destroy too many lives of people I care about, I just can’t get behind it. My only sibling has nearly died three times in the last two years because he got behind the wheel drunk. I’ve also never been around drunk people and felt comfortable. I know this guy drinks a ton. He drinks pretty much every day and admits himself he has a hard time stopping himself. I would never want to take that choice away from someone, but for me personally this would be an ultimatum of me or booze.
I don’t want to ruin my friendship with him, but I also don’t want to lead him on if it is something he can’t cut back on. I’ve never even been on a date, I don’t know how to have conversations like this.It’s genuinely the only thing holding me back from making a move, it kills all the butterflies when I remember that according to most people if he isn’t at work he’s at least buzzed.
I don’t really know what to say. I feel lost and my heart hurts. How bad can your heart even hurt? Just the thought of losing him in my life makes my chest seize. I’ve set myself up for failure, haven’t I?
Comments
Definitely find a way to talk to him about it. Unfortunately, at that age people are usually heavy drinkers. But if you brought it up to him and he cares about you, he just might listen
You can’t expect him to change, he is a drinker and that’s it.
I think you have to listen to your spidey senses and don’t get involved in any type of relationship with him. You’re saving yourself heartache in the future, take the emotional hit now.
He’s a drinker. Don’t expect him to change for a relationship. Save yourself the future heart ache