I (27F) had an FWB (23M) for a few months. We were sexually exclusive, chatted daily, and got along well. From the start, I was clear that while I didn’t need romantic feelings to have sex, I did need some emotional depth to feel safe and comfortable with it (which also helps me express myself more sexually), and he agreed. He also preferred a connection rather than something purely physical, which I appreciated.
At first, everything felt fine, but over time, I realized our emotional expressions were different, and our conversations started to feel surface-level. While nothing was necessarily wrong between us, I began feeling uneasy and less excited about the physical aspect, which made me question if this setup was truly right for me. Eventually, I recognized that I might need something different in the future—something that offers a deeper emotional connection than an FWB typically does.
I sat with my feelings for a while and even wrote a message to end things, but I wasn’t sure when to share it. That same day, he mentioned financial struggles affecting his ability to continue our setup, which made me feel like it was the right time to bring it up. He suggested discussing everything in person when we were supposed to meet that weekend, but I felt it was best to address it immediately. Since he had wanted to be physically intimate beforehand, I was worried that meeting up might blur the lines and make it harder to communicate things clearly. I also didn’t want to waste his time or money when things were already at this point.
He took it well and said he understood. He apologized that he couldn’t give me what I needed, reassured me that he wouldn’t try to make me stay, and thanked me for our connection. He said he hoped we had a clean and peaceful ending, mentioned that he had learned a lot about himself, and even offered a few kind words before we mutually parted on good terms.
I truly appreciated what we had, but I also realized this kind of setup wasn’t the right fit for me anymore, and I didn’t want to drag things out unfairly. Even though our conversation was respectful and ended well, I still feel guilty for not doing it in person. I didn’t want to blindside him, but I also couldn’t ignore my own discomfort any longer. Maybe part of my guilt comes from a past relationship where I was blindsided and dumped over text while crying on a call—different situation, but the feelings linger. I know I made the right choice for myself, but I can’t help but feel guilty about how I went about it. At the time, it felt like the best option. I just hope he’s okay.
Comments
I’m not sure if this is the right way to say this but I’m pretty sure you both behaved pretty maturely. Personally, I would’ve had a phone or facetime conversation but I’m not judging. You could always take a deep breath and consider calling him to tell him how you felt regarding how you ended things but I don’t know how comfortable either of you would be with it.
Don’t beat yourself up, I don’t see much wrong in what you typed out.
This is just like any other relationship. It wasn’t working out and you ended things.
May the world be blessed with more decisive people such as yourself.
Ending things digitally can feel cold and impersonal, but it’s often the most practical way to break the news. In a FWB situation where you’re emotionally unfulfilled, discussing that in person would likely be awkward and uncomfortable, you’d probably fidget and stumble over your words the whole time. Going the text route might not have been romantic, but it was likely what both of you needed at the moment: a swift, uncomplicated end without messy emotional wrangling. You did what felt right for you, OP, and that’s all anyone can ask for in these situations. Now focus on moving forward and exploring relationships that genuinely fulfill your needs