I’m a woman living abroad, and I’m currently caught in a horrible family situation that’s draining me emotionally, financially, and mentally. My 24-year-old brother—who has never had a girlfriend or any real experience with women—met a 19-year-old girl online from a sketchy border town 1h from me, known for prostitution and criminal activity. He refuses to share much about her, but it’s clear he’s only focused on finally having sex. None of us knows anything about this girl, and everything about the situation raises red flags.
Despite that, my parents are fully backing him. They pressured me into paying €400 for his ticket and now expect me to fund more of his trip and even host him. When I express concern or say no, they insult me, call me selfish and jealous, and accuse me of not supporting my brother. It’s like I’m the villain for not enabling what I see as a reckless and potentially dangerous trip with a complete stranger. I feel like they’re pushing me to be his financial and logistical sponsor for a “fuck adventure” with a girl whose intentions and background are completely unknown.
To make things worse, this is all happening just 20 days before I’m supposed to fly back to my home country with a close friend. We’ve had the trip planned for ages—everything is booked—and now it’s being overshadowed by this absurd family drama. I’m also really afraid for my safety. I suspect my brother may have shared personal info about me—like my address or car—with this girl, and I don’t even have a partner here to make me feel protected.
I told my parents very clearly: if something happens to him, it’s on them. I even made my mother sign a document, in two languages, stating that she is the emergency contact for him if anything goes wrong—whether with the police or in a hospital. I needed that form just to protect myself legally and emotionally. Because I honestly feel like they are sending him to his doom, and I’m the only one thinking ahead.
What really hurts the most is that this is not new behavior. My parents have treated me like this my whole life—blaming me for everything that goes wrong, telling me that I’ll be the reason they get cancer or die from stress. They’ve made me feel like a burden for simply having boundaries or asking for respect.
This brother of mine—this ungrateful bastard—has never once supported me morally or emotionally in the eight years I’ve lived abroad. He hasn’t even visited me in over five years, showed zero interest in my life, and now suddenly scrambles to get a passport and fly out just to meet some random girl online. Not for me, not to reconnect—but for her. He didn’t even ask if I was okay with any of this or if I supported it from the heart. He just used me as a means to an end, expecting my money, my home, and my effort without the slightest bit of respect or gratitude. If I were him, I wouldn’t dare go somewhere I was clearly unwelcome. But instead, my parents guilt-tripped me, saying that if I don’t go along with it, the relationship is ruined forever, he’ll never forgive me, etc. And the worst part? In a sane, healthy state of mind, I would never have agreed to this. But when you’ve been groomed your whole life to please your abusers, it turns out you can be 2,000 km away and still be emotionally chained to the people you once ran from.
At this point, I’m genuinely considering cutting contact with my immediate family. I can’t keep being the scapegoat or the one who’s expected to fix and fund everything while being emotionally abused. I deserve peace, safety, and autonomy—and right now, none of that is coming from the people who should care about me most.
TLDR: My parents pressured me to fund and host my inexperienced brother’s trip to meet a 19-year-old girl from a shady border town, despite major red flags and safety concerns. They’ve blamed me for everything my whole life, and now I’m considering cutting ties to protect my peace and safety.
Comments
Wow. My recommendation is no contact, but I know that can be a difficult thing to do. I wish I had more advice, but that was a wild read. I wish you luck OP
You shouldn’t have paid any money towards him.
I’m sorry but it’s time for the current moment to cut ties with them all if this is what you’re getting as a response.
They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
If you enable people to take advantage of you by giving them money they don’t deserve for questionable activities, all it does is teach them that continuing to abuse your trust and generosity will get them what they want. Period.
You need to learn to say no. It’s not fair your family treats this way, but if you want change, you’re going to have to do it first.
I would lock my doors and not open them for anybody. Why would you want your brother losing his virginity in your house? actually disgusting.
Should I be suspicious of the em dashes?
Why can’t a 24 year old fund his own escapades
Buy him a sex doll
Odds are his 19 year old girlfriend is actually 4 guys with baseball bats.
This is terrible, please share the name of this sketchy border town for the rest of us to be sure to avoid in our own travels….. jk but yeah just tell them all NO and there it. They can deal with it not you!
I seriously can’t understand why some parents behave this way. If they wanna play favorites, then why don’t they fund your brother’s trip and lifestyle?
Please, don’t give in and save your money. You worked hard for it – unlike your brother. It’s for you and your future.
This is so absurd it seems fake. But if it isn’t you need to change everything (phone number, address, email) and cut ties. And do not feel guilty, you work for your money and life style, what gives your family free access to it.
I’m not meaning to downplay how hard this is, but they didn’t force you to do it. They pressured you and you gave in. If you don’t start saying no, this kind of thing is going to keep happening.
You need to learn how to say no and mean it. Tell your parents and your brother plans have been change and I leave the day he comes into town. You go about your business and let mom and dad fund his trip and his time with his so called girlfriend. You go do you forget about what they tell you about the relationships is no more
He’s 24. He can take care of himself. If he can’t, That’s on him. You said he never even visited you and has never been good to you, so why help him so that he can take advantage of you and hurt you more? Because you feel pressured? If so, stop. Know that you don’t have to let ANY of this happen, including the blatant disrespect.
Stop enabling this behaviour. Setting boundaries does not make you selfish, it’s necessary as humans that we do that. If they cross them (which they did), cut all contact (Which you should).
Good thing you made them sign documents. If anything happens, it won’t be your fault (It wouldn’t have been even if you didn’t) so you won’t have to get involved emotionally nor legally. And don’t let them guilt trip you into their life again when they realize they’re wrong. They had more years to change their ways, but they didn’t. What does that tell you about them? Leave that family behind and go ahead and live your life with the money you have.
You said you’re scared, do you have friends or anyone you can move in with for a while before moving somewhere else?