These were supposed to be my closest friends, but we had a bad falling out over miscommunication and I feel like they’ve completely villainized me. I don’t want to be in a 2 v 1 conversation, and I’m 50/50 on what I want the goal of the conversation to be.
On the one hand, it would be great to salvage decades of friendship. On the other hand, I’m disgusted with the way they’ve treated me while I’m grieving the loss of a pet.
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Sometimes it’s best to walk away and not have toxic people in your life. On the other hand you would be throwing away years of friendship. Maybe see what they have to say and trust your gut. Losing a pet is devastating. Good luck.
Context: 27F. We planned a trip to travel abroad which I have done MANY times, but it’s their first time. I secured free housing for us with my family in one of the countries we’re visiting, but told them I would ask another family member if we could stay in her place for more space. It took 3+ weeks to figure out if this is an option or not because my family has a lot of drama.
I shared with one of them last week that I want to give up on it and we’ll go back to the original plan. The other friend is LIVID I forgot to tell her as well (my phone was dying so I didn’t call her after speaking with him), but he told her so I don’t understand the problem. They’re acting like there was ever a possibility we wouldn’t have a safe place to stay. The trip is a month and half away, so even if for some reason we couldn’t stay with my family, we would have had time to book a spot.
My cat died and that’s the day she decided to text me to ask/tell me to take accountability for not communicating information at the same time to her, which I find so insensitive. But apparently that’s selfish of me.
>I’m having a very serious conversation with friends this evening and I’m nervous
What are you nervous about exactly? What makes this conversation very serious?
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On the one hand, it would be great to salvage decades of friendship.
How has the majority of time been for you in this friendship, disregarding this situation? What do you want to salvage or keep from this friendship? Why would it be worth it? What are you willing to do to keep this friendship going?
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They’re acting like there was ever a possibility we wouldn’t have a place to stay.
What are they doing and saying exactly? Why is them doing and saying these things a problem for you?
>My cat died and that’s the day she decided to text me to ask me to take accountability for not communicating information at the same time to her, which I find so insensitive.
This will be a separate issue entirely. So try to tackle one thing at a time. Let this person know why the timing of the text was a problem for you and how you felt.
Show up to this conversation curious. Try and figure out why it was such a problem for them without trying to defend yourself. You don’t need to because you did everything in a way you feel good about. When you get an opportunity, ask to bring up your concern about the timing of the text. Express how you felt. Ask clarifying questions to understand why they thought this was an okay to communicate. You’ve got this!
Say your piece. Then move on. Let them reach out to you. Not all relationships last or should last. People change and evolve – especially as they age.