My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and a half, however after a long rough patch, things have been on and off between us.
Basically, we’d been in a very argumenatative phase for a while, especially over text. It was often over petty things and it made us both very anxious and hyperaware of each other’s behavior during the relationship. It left so many stupid rules we felt like we had to follow and made us feel like we were walking on eggshells around each other. It basically left us both feeling like shit.
At the beginning of last month, he confessed to me that he felt uncertain in his feelings for me now, and that this relationship stresses him out a lot, and he thinks getting it out of his life is the only way for him to be happy again. Obviously this was very jarring to hear however it made sense, I felt the same to an extent even. On the other hand, he does often have a habit of making rash decisions when overwhelmed so we decided to talk about it before deciding. Ultimately we decided to take a break instead of breaking up, and during that break he wanted to stay friends and still hangout.
However, ever since then, we have been so on and off and it has been confusing the hell out of me. If I summarized everything that’s happened I’d have a whole essay so I’ll just summarize the important parts.
At first, the reason we were so on and off was because he still felt uncertain. One day he wanted to get back together, the next he still wasnt sure if he felt things romantically. He often said he felt like I would convince him to stay with me, that I would convince him he would feel things again. however I stopped giving my input to prevent this and he still didn’t break things off. I would clearly express I was good to stop dating and be friends. But he still stayed. So clearly it wasn’t me.
I will say, in recent time, he does seem to be growing less anxious and unhappy when it comes to me overall. He does seem to enjoy my company again and it seems like his romantic feelings are growing. The last time we spoke about “us” , he seemed more certain about what he wanted, which was to date me. So I feel like the indecisiveness phase is slowly fading away…hopefully.
It sounds like things are going good now, however the problem is that he is only like this in person. The moment we aren’t hanging out, i hear NOTHING from him. He goes days without texting me. There have been a couple days where i’ve had to text him repeatedly to get him to reply because i know he ignores the texts at times. Even when we both know we have a plan the next day, I’m the one who always has to check in so we can solidify the plan.
We are dating now, and while I feel like his feelings are growing back healthily when we are in person, it’s hard to feel CONFIDENT when it feels like all regard for me disappears the moment i am not in his physical proximity. It’s so confusing. He is great in person now. He even initiates plans, asking to do things in the upcoming days. But the moment we part ways? Complete silence.
I want to know if he is actually growing steady feelings for me and just is turned off by texting for some reason, or if he just doesnt like me at all. I’m having a lot of trouble figuring out what to do from here. He’s my best friend. I know that all our past text arguments may have created some negative association with texting for him. I also feel anxious about the general topic now too. but I don’t know how to get us out of this. What do i do?
TL;DR : My bf and I have been on and off due to a bad arguing phase, esp over text. Now we are dating and he seems to love me again, but only in person. When we part ways he is silent, even for days. What does this mean? Is it trauma from all the text fighting or does he have zero romantic interest in me