I recently bought a new (to me) car for around 35k. I’d been driving the same old beat-up sedan since college, and honestly, getting something reliable and nice felt like a huge milestone. I worked hard for years, saved aggressively, and even had some extra income come my way over the past year – a bonus at work and a few lucky breaks with side hustles.
Still, there’s no way my parents would understand. They’re super old-school about money and think anything more than 5k for a car is a waste. I already know the speech: “You should have bought a used Corolla cash!” “You’re throwing your future away!” etc.
So… I’ve been parking it a few streets down whenever I visit them. I act like I still have my old car and take rides with my brother if we’re going anywhere as a family. It’s exhausting and honestly kind of pathetic at my age, but the thought of explaining myself – or worse, feeling like I let them down – just isn’t worth it right now.
It feels dumb hiding something I’m actually proud of. But at the same time, it feels safer than dealing with all their judgment.
Comments
Rip the bandaid off.
happens. its called generation gap. almost everyone goes through it.
maintain your peace. that is best.
The thing with responsibility is learning to live with the decisions you make..
Speaking as the professional disappointment of my family, do something more disappointing and tell them about both at the same time to soften the blow.
Grow a set and try and educate your parents. If you can afford it, it shouldn’t be a problem. Treat them well, you only have 1 mom & dad!
Next time you go over there just park it. If your parents ask you anything say you got a deal you couldn’t pass up. Parents are parents. They are going to see it sooner or later.
Peace comes with honesty and openness. Let them see your true self and know it’s ok to have different opinions. If their judgement is so severe that it creates issues something else will certainly pop up in the future. I say show them and try to be confident in yourself and your decisions. You earned this!
Congratulations on the big win of a new vehicle that you deserve. Since you already know what they are going to say, get it over with so you can be at peace. After the speech, you can go back to your car and feel that pride and joy from your hard work paying off!
How old are you?
Sounds like you have been working your butt off. You deserve to have a reliable vehicle!
I’d pull right up to the house in the new whip and not give a fuck tbh
Your parents aren’t living in the real world anymore. They’ll be fine. Go ahead and rip the bandaid off. There’s also no reason they need to know what you paid.
Personally I think you should use this moment to grow. Tell them, and stand your ground.
I did this with my tattoo sleeve. Those were some hot days
Man you have no reason to hide it if they want to give you hell about it just stop visiting them for awhile. Once they realize you won’t visit because their attitude they will stop. It’s what I do to my parents and it quickly gets them to stop judging.
Dont hide it, esp if it makes you feel good. I had to get a new car, and I got EXACTLY what I wanted at a price that was good for me…its a head turner…you cannot miss it and its been 2 years now…noone in my house has asked anything about its appearance. Because I am grown & noone else is paying the note, insurance, or maintenance to ask me anything about it 🙃..they gotta sort out their internal jealousy.
You’re sound like a grown ass man/woman. Rip the bandaid off and tell them you’re grown to make your decisions. If they don’t like it, oh well, you still have your sick cool car bro/lass 🙂
How old are you ?
I’ve had to do this with my parents… but for different reasons. It sucks. But it’s better to just get it over with.
Print off what 5000 will actually get you in a car today. It is not something they would probably want you in because you will spend more in the long run with everything that will go wrong. Go over all your reasoning before you talk to them write it down if you need to so in front of them you don’t just go blank and can’t tell them all your good reasons. Don’t tell them exactly how much it costs. You are an adult. You have a right to something’s that are yours even though at first drawing those boundaries are very hard. Think of it this way if start with things like this when things like who you should marry or how you should raise your kids (if you do either of those thing ) come up you will have a foundation of setting boundaries. You can say I got it way below blue book etc. I will save so much on gas, maintenance whatever. Bonus points if you actually are saving on gas and can give compelling figures. I have been there with family and my spouse family so if I can help with any tips please feel free to reach out. But rip the band aid because if they find out you have been hiding it then it is worse.
When I was at uni and had to tell my mum I’d gotten my eyebrow pierced I called her up and made a big deal about having something important to tell her.
She assumed I’d gotten someone pregnant so when I told her about the piercing, she was relieved.
It’s all about managing expectations.
I am somewhere in the middle, a $20k car would have done the trick, are you debt free? & paid cash for the car?
My parents have always kept their cars until they’re falling apart. Their minivan got totaled in a freak accident at the auto shop, so the auto shop actually provided them with another minivan for free. I was so relieved to hear this, as the old one they had seemed so unsafe to me. I tried driving it for a few minutes and it was terrifying. I may be paying a fortune for my 2024 Corolla, but it’s reliable and has technology that makes driving easier and safer, so it’s worth it to me.
If it’s your money and you have no other past due obligations, then by all means enjoy you new car. With your job background, I’ll assume you’re old enough to make rational decisions. Man or woman up and tell the parents. Wait for the incoming, then proceed to tell them you’re mature enough to make solid financial decisions. Take them off of your bank accounts if they’re joint, just in case.
If you paid cash they won’t be disappointed
Save for the future but live for today. Certainly you should be saving for retirement and such, but what’s the point of spending most of your life working if you’re not going to spend the money. You could have a tree fall on you when you’re 36 and driving your jalopy. Tomorrow is not guaranteed, live your life.
This has got to be exhausting. You’re an adult spending your own money. Maybe you need to show them that the price of cars is not the same as they believe. Show them a few ads.
Honestly 5k to them is 35k for us anyway sooooo
I get it. If you are ok going through the extra effort to hide it from them and not rock the boat then why not? If it starts getting annoying you could always say it’s a work vehicle or something. Congrats on the car – you deserve to enjoy a nice, safe, reliable vehicle.
Just let them give you the speech and or interrupt them and say: ” you raised me right?” They’ll say yes, I assume. Then say: “then trust I’ll make the decision you raised me to make” then they’ll be forced to admit that they raised you and had influence on your decisions, haha.
In all seriousness, my parents were nagging and ragging on me about something, many things, I’m an only child, and I said exactly that and they just said, ok and left me alone… For awhile
Either shut your parents down every time they try to critique you or put them on ice for a bit and celebrate your hard work with those that actually celebrate your wins. You shouldn’t need to hide or be someone else for everyone else. Period.
I just refuse to accept that others should just keep the peace and forsake their peace for others, especially when it comes to family. I respect my elders and treat everyone fairly but choose not to keep the peace just to appease others when their way is wrong or just not the way I would do something. You don’t like it, bye. Just don’t be around it. Bye.
Who cares you are an adult. They can complain all they want. I am 40 and have never felt this way about my financial decisions my parents have bo bearing on it. My wife in the other hand…
Your parents are out of touch if they think a good car would cost $5k. It’s more like $25-35k for a good car with lower miles (less than 100,000) 5k will get a car that has 250,000 or more miles on it.
Just do what’s right for you. Just be happy
In another post you said you just fixed up your car. Are you hoping someone asks you about your sidehustles so you can shill for the online casino again?
Think of it as going Low Contact with them. You are not obligated to share every detail of your life with them. And its so nice having a new car. We can drive it for several years before it starts breaking down.
Better to ask forgiveness than permission.
I bought my first car at 24 and got royalty screwed. Did the whole deal on my own. Parents just shook their head but it was a learning experience.
Tell them you killed someone and are on the run, then say just kidding I bought a car for 35k. Trust me they’ll be relieved
you are not alone, this is valid. praying for your peace of mind
Well, don’t leave us hanging. What did you buy?!
How old are you?
As an Asian-American myself, this sounds like an Asian-American household
i’ve just started telling my parents stuff along the lines of “i understand that’s what you’d do but i’m not you,” “it’s not your money to decide what to do with,” “i wanted to so i did.” and eventually they stopped.
“Mom, dad. I could spend $5k for a car, then another $5k fixing it up, then another $20k over the next five years keeping it running. Or I could just pay $35k for this car now and be done with it. My money, my life, my choice. You want a say in my life? Which of my bills will you be paying and I’ll tell you how much choice in my life that pays for.”
Show up and be excited… as soon as they start berating you… just say “I have to go. Something’s come up.” Don’t put up with it. It will be abrupt and awkward, they’ll live. You’ll have more peace in your life.
Having to stand up for yourself to your own parents is one of the most exhausting and demoralizing things in life, so I just get up and leave or hurry off the phone. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Doesn’t matter if they’re not being malicious and think they’re coming from a good place or anything, it still sucks the life out of you.
I’d say it depends on your finances. If you can afford it and not have it affect you negatively then why not?
I have “disappointed” my folks so much by doing things that I’m proud of that I’m now to the point where their disappointment is a signal to me that I’m doing the right thing for myself.
• I am a Democrat. HUGE HUGE disappointment to my MAGA-loving folks.
• I am vaccinated. Don’t even get me started at how disappointed they were.
• I went to law school. My folks don’t exactly believe in academia.
• I moved to California. My dad tells insulting jokes about how I live in a cereal box because California is the land of the fruits and nuts and flakes.
• I bought a condo out here in California. They clutched their pearls.
• I never married or had kids – by choice.
• I champion gay rights, civil rights, human rights.
For the record, these are the right things for me. I don’t judge anyone for having differing views. But now I’m so accustomed to being a disappointment to my family that it doesn’t even faze me anymore. My choices fit my life and I’m proud of who I am.
My advice? Own your decision! It was the right choice for you. Mazel Tov on your new car. 🙂
Didn’t even tell us what he actually got for a new car..
Cars built after 2014/2015 have stricter safety standards. That’s a reason I don’t roll around in something 20 years old. You can’t control if someone hits you and you want to be in something safe. Rolling around in a old Corolla can quite literally get you killed
I did something similar when I bought my mustang, copped a bit of flak for that… but then COVID hit and I sold it for more than i paid for it… cars lose half their value the moment you buy them they said… I made a profit from it Dad!
I had a motorcycle I never told my parents about. They’d have worried themselves sick
Congratulations on not using Chatgtp to make up a story.
Fuck em
Have you considered not caring what they say?