For context, I’m 29F, and bisexual. I recently got married to my husband, 30M. I’m three months pregnant. And as the title reads, I’m in love with my husband’s mother too.
This isn’t to say that I don’t love my husband. I DO LOVE HIM. I LOVE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH. And that’s why this hurts. I began developing a crush on his mother (50F, divorced btw) only until AFTER I’d married him. She is just simply the most beautiful, loveliest, kindest person I know. She’s a lot older than me, but I have always liked older women. Out of all the women I’ve dated, none of them have been my age.
I don’t know what to do. I feel so fucking guilty and so fucking in love at the same time. Why why why why me. I don’t want to break my husband’s heart. He’s my favorite person.
It also doesn’t help that, if everything goes well, this woman is going to be my child’s grandmother.
This woman doesn’t know about my feelings, obviously. And she views me like a daughter more than anything. But just last week she told me that “you get prettier and prettier every day”, and while I know she meant that as a platonic compliment, I couldn’t help how that made me feel.
What do I do. Please. Someone help. This is not ragebait I swear. Do I tell his mother how I feel? Do I tell him first? Or do I just not tell either of them and pretend that everything’s fine? If this was only about myself and my marriage to him, I would tell him the truth without hesitation, but this is also about our child, the one I’m pregnant with. I could possibly ruin his/her future.
No rude comments, please. I feel shitty enough.
EDIT: To everyone saying it’s my pregnancy hormones, yeah that might be the case, but I started feeling attracted to her before I was pregnant.
Comments
Wtf
You take that secret to your grave.
Take it to the grave, girlie. This is a crush that will NEVER manifest, and you need to make sure of that. A crush is fine when it’s impossible imo and nobody will suspect suspicious behaviour from you for how ridiculous this is (no offence). Admire, don’t acquire.
You could also spin this into simple love for your mother in law. Sounds like you hit the jackpot in having a likeable one. Feelings change over time, as they did when you developed this admiration. It’ll pass.
Don’t. Tell. Anyone. Are you out of your mind?? Go to therapy if you need to but you have no right to destroy their relationship just because you can’t get your own feelings straight. It’s incredibly selfish. Sorry but life doesn’t always work out the way you want and some things are better left unsaid. If you can’t love your husband the way he deserves, then let him go but don’t drag yourself into his relationship with his mother
This sounds like a really heavy situation to carry… I get why it’s hard to know what to do. You’re not just thinking about your own feelings, but also how this might affect everyone around you, especially the baby. It’s okay to feel confused, it doesn’t make you a bad person. Maybe take some time to think through what feels right for you and your family.
Are you sure you’re IN LOVE with her? Maybe you just love her a whole lot and don’t know how to process love that big? Anyway, keep that shit to yourself. Nothing good will come of it.
Like the sands of time, these are the days of our lives…
???
you’re running through that family like a recessive gene.
Nobody has mentioned that you’re pregnant, probably the most hormonal you’ll be in your life, and vulnerable. You probably want that attention and want to be looked after and complimented. It’s a huge change to go through and you want reassurance.
My advice is keep it to yourself otherwise you’ll lose them both. It’ll probably pass in time. Maybe you’ll need therapy to help process it. Good luck, being human is weird! ✌🏻
who tf started a conversation like that? I just sat down
You are married and made a commitment to your husband. People get crushes when married but ignore them & do not act on them because they made a commitment. Your child and immediate family come first & your ego needs to be pushed aside. Take it to your grave & cope.
May god never give me a wife like you. Jesus.
You need to figure out whatever it is in your head that categorized his mom as remotely accessible romantically. She’s not. You know she doesn’t feel that way about you, but your judgement is clouded by your feelings. She is not an option, period, and you must remember that just because you want someone doesn’t mean they’re yours.
Enjoy the good feelings, but focus on your husband. You love him. You know you’ll have a good life with him and his family and your kid.
Absolutely do not tell them. But perhaps subtly pull back on spending time with her directly. Work on yourself and your feelings. Therapy if you think you need it.
It is highly possible and probable that you’re pregnancy.Hormones are exacerbating the situation
Stay strong girly and I agree with everybody else you take it to your grave
Some things are above reddit’s paygrade
Wait until you’re not pregnant and reassess, your hormones are going crazy rn
???OMFG
I think it’s not something that you should ever tell either her or your husband. But I do strongly suggest that you find a therapist that you can talk to about it, secrets like that need to be expressed somewhere, and worked through. I think a therapist is honestly the best way to handle it.
Meanwhile, admiration and love for someone in other ways is fine. Just don’t make either her or your husband uncomfortable. That’s a quiet part not to talk about out loud with family.
Don’t tell anyone. Let the crush die.
Even basic crushes seldom go anywhere. They feel intense. People get over them, and look back in disgust. Your hormones are f***ing with you. You will get over this. Best of luck for your pregnancy and beyond.
Pregnancy does weird things hormonally, I had sex dreams about people I never wanted to imagine in any sexual scenario (my 75 year old boss for example). It could be the hormones. It could be you freaking out about the future. Do not tell them. Seek out therapy if you need to talk it through.
You don’t love her . Never tell anyone you know this unless you want things to change for the worse.
You’re pregnant could just be the hormones doing most of the talking
You are not in love with your mother in law. You are hormonal because you are hormonal a human. You are thankful. You are blessed. She is a delight. You are not in love.
Not love. Lust.
Family members/relatives should be off-limits. This includes in-laws.
Bi or not, please don’t act on those lustful feelings towards your MIL.
You don’t do anything. Don’t do anything, don’t say anything, and take it to your grave. Let it die and go on with your life before you ruin it and hurt people you love including your child.
Yeah, as a fellow bisexual, keep it to yourself. You’re married, so unless you’re willing to divorce over this and coparent with him forever with this awkwardness hanging between you, this is just like any other inconvenient feelings a person could develop during the course of a marriage. Not to mention that you don’t even know if his mom would be interested in you anyway, and I don’t have to tell you how dumb it would be to blow up your marriage over a crush on a straight woman who would never reciprocate those feelings or date you anyway. It’s just not worth the hassle, even in a best case scenario, to dig into this.
We are so fucked up as a society
That’s the pregnancy talking. Keep this to yourself and take it your grave.
You are hormonal, which doesn’t help. But I agree that you take this secret to the grave. You do not act. There are often times in our life that we have feelings that are not appropriate, like if you were to fall in love with a married man or your best friend’s husband. This is exactly the same.
You do not act on feelings toward your husband’s mother. If you cannot get over this after your pregnancy is over, you may have to leave your marriage. You cannot truly love your husband if you are also in love with someone else.
But I will mention that I had strong negative feelings toward my husband when I was pregnant. I honestly could not stand him. Then after I had our baby, it was all back to normal. I have been married to him many years since and never felt that way again. So don’t discount the hormonal issues.
That’s a secret you’ll have to learn to keep. That being said, I highly recommend you talk with a therapist about these feelings. How the woman makes you feel, how the situation with your marriage makes you feel, everything. Maybe a therapist could help you live with those feelings or resolve them.
Unless you want to derail your life, keep your lips zipped. The woman in theory is not gay. So the odds of her also being bisexual like yourself are probably slim to none. Has she ever said she liked women to you? Most likely she’s heterosexual. You have a crush. I would love to know if you’re close to your own mother? Or if you had a bad relationship with her or no relationship with her? If that’s the case it could be you just are idolizing his mom so much that you think you’re in love. Yes you care for her and yes you think she’s great and you have a girl crush but I highly doubt you’re in love with her.
In any case get yourself to therapy and talk about this with a therapist. Yes it’s most likely due to your pregnancy even though you say you started having these feelings before you became pregnant. Are you sure about that? Or it was before you knew you were pregnant? But whatever you do never, never, never tell your husband or your mother-in-law. You will be divorced, he will sue for full custody, and you will have a limited visitation with your own child most likely cuz he’s going to go hell or high water to make sure you don’t get anywhere near your own child. Keep that in mind.
tf did i just read
Get into therapy. The goal should be suppressing those feelings. As a mother of an adult son, there is no way on god’s green earth I’d hurt him like that. She will never, ever date you. All you’ll accomplish is destroying the family you’re about to bring a child into, and give them a lot of excellent ammo going into the custody battle. Fix your feelings. I’ve had intense crushes that I’ve logicked my way out of.
You’re about to be a mother yourself. Make the choice that will save your relationship with your child and will ensure you get to raise your child. You’re at a fork in the road split between heaven and hell. If you want to be in hell all by yourself with the people you love the most hating your guts, tell them how you feel.
Know that if you do that, that history will follow you and poison other relationships. Be selfish here and don’t tell a soul except your therapist. I’d delete this post.
This secret NEVER leaves your head.
Is this click bait?!
Generally speaking I think …I see this issue come up a lot on Reddit. Not specifically with mom of husband that’s an outlier. But people get crushes. It’s normal. The feeling passes trust me. You have to have impulse control not to act on it though. It seems like a lot of people don’t have that control.
You do nothing.
Distance yourself if possible.
Talk to a counselor if possible.
Goodluck to you.
I feel like you lucked out with getting a lovely mother in law, which is far better than anything you would get from overstepping boundaries, and taking it to a really, really awkward place, unnecessarily.
Dont act on it, don’t tell a soul. I’ve had crushes, and the best part is nobody ever needs to know. Once it gets old, which it will, you will be so glad that people don’t ALWAYS know what you think. They aren’t entitled to, as long as they remain thoughts.
Therapy by yourself. Omg
That’s enough reddit for me, what the actual fuck?
What do you do? You do nothing.
Otherwise you will lose them both.
keep it a secret and see a therapist, it’s probs hormones messing w you
Being bi isn’t the same as being polyamorous.
I agree with those who say she should only tell a therapist these thoughts. I would also like to point out, though, that this account is new and the story is wild.
I recommend internal reviewing your marriage to see what you feel is missing. What do you get from her compliments and attention that aren’t getting from your husband. It may be that something is missing in your marriage that’s you two can work on, to fill this void.
Is he rarely outwardly complimentary? Is the p in v sex leaving something to be desired that you know you got more of in a same sex relationship?
These are things you can identify to your husband without revealing your feelings, and work together to resolve.
You get your shit together and snap TF out of it. What is wrong with you!?? You may not be able to help how you feel but you are completely in control of how you act on it and you sound delusional.
How exactly do you expect this to go? You think your MIL is going to have an affair with the woman carrying her GRANDCHILD? Is she even attracted to women?! You think you and your husband are just gonna split and coparent amicably? No. They’re going to think you’re disturbed, because it would be disturbing for you to follow up on your feelings in any real way right now.
Go to therapy or something. But for God’s sake do NOT actually say anything to either of them.
Outside of the potential on pregnancy hormones, just…. Shut your mouth. You don’t tell her how you feel, you don’t tell your husband, you take that secret to your grave because saying it out loud will destroy everything. You’ll crush your husband, probably make her feel uncomfortable and not want to be around you, and you’ll make things awkward for your future child, too, when grandma refuses to be in the same room as their mother.
Never mentione this to anyone, there is no scenarios where this goes well
I missed this side of Reddit
Crushes thrive in the dark but this one should not be brought to light to your husband or his mother. You may benefit from talking to a therapist about this. Just tell your husband your pregnancy hormones are out of control and you need to speak to a professional. I don’t even think this is a lie—I think your hormones are really worsening this situation and amplifying your feelings. Pregnancy is an insane experience. You are emotionally volatile, vulnerable, and often incredibly horny, which is a confusing storm for your subconscious to wade through. Beyond the crush, having an established therapist would be good to sort through feelings and thoughts you have during and after your pregnancy.
And let me state again to drive home the point: do not tell your husband or his mother or anyone else in his family, especially since you say you love and want to be with your husband. You run a huge risk of losing them both and destabilizing your life at a time when consistency is so incredibly important. Therapy.
Do it. And you know exactly what I’m talking about. If you have the opportunity just do it and take it to the grave.
Take this to your grave. Focus on your husband and baby.
Therapy, like yesterday. A crush is harmless but if it’s causing this much distress you need to work it out in therapy. Tell no one, except your therapist.
It may just be a fleeting crush. It will go away. This is your MIL.
Bit old for a girl crush? Have a giggle about it. And bury it!
This might be because you are hormonal at present, but please don’t confess or do anything about this feeling take this until you die like seriously this could ruin everything
Hey, I get why you’re feeling conflicted this is complicated honestly i wouldnt tell his mom it could really hurt your relationship with both of them for now, maybe just focus on managing your feelings privately and set some boundaries talking to a therapist or journaling might help too it doesnt make you a bad person you clearly love your husband and your future child
You should probably see a therapist, they can help you with these feelings much more then strangers on the internet who know barely two paragraphs about your life (bonus: you might even be able to eventually not feel like that if you’d like)
Also do not tell about those feelings to anyone besides therapists, it’s only gonna hurt those close to you if it ever comes out.
But then again I’m only a stranger who doesn’t know you too so take my advice with a grain of salt, good luck!
There’s unspoken ‘chemistry’ (positive + negative) between most people. Some people we can’t stand right from when we first meet them. Some, we feel very neutral about. Others, we’re highly attracted to and want to be around; we admire + enjoy them, and a few of those people, we can be sexually attracted to. You’re human, and you’re pregnant with hormones flying around. Your situation is unusual but it will have happened before so just breathe. You don’t need to feel guilty if you’re not ACTING on those feelings. Stop panicking and start being curious about what’s happening.
The great news is this intense phase of being ‘in love’ (in infatuation actually) never lasts. Those intense, crush feelings where the other person is amazing, where they can do no wrong, and the ‘stars shine brighter’ when you’re in their presence always pass/fade. The bad news is it usually takes at least a year, and can take longer.
In the meantime, do nothing to stoke the flames of these feelings. Avoid having special or intimate conversations with her. Limit time with her if you can. Stop telling yourself over and over how amazing, kind, and beautiful she is. Remind yourself the feelings might be intense but they are only short-lived infatuation, and based on brain chemistry probably made a bit wonky by pregnancy.
Tell no-one except a therapist. You risk losing everything otherwise. You say your MIL is kind and lovely – do not put her in the terrible position of having to choose to step back from you in order to stop feeding your infatuation with her presence. She will choose her son and her grandchild every time, and you will be left with a broken relationship with your MIL and probably not have a husband anymore to raise your child with.
Only you can navigate through this well though – you are going to have to do this on your own so be courageous and calm.
Don’t let there be permanent and painful fallout from what is a temporary state which will eventually die down.
EDIT: fix a few missing words.
SWEET HOME ALABAMA!! 🗣️🗣️🗣️🔊🔊🔊🔥🔥🔥
I’m bi and married to a man that I love very much. I also just had a baby. Here’s the thing about marriage: you’re still human. You’re still going to see and interact with people that you’re attracted to. But once you’re married, you can’t act on it. You can see them, be attracted, but you can’t do anything about it, because you’ve made a commitment to one person. You can look, but not touch. If your husband’s mom was your coworker, would you feel compelled to do anything about it? No. Not unless you wanted to have an affair and potentially blow up your life. And the stakes are even higher than an office affair in this situation, because it’s your MIL. The priest who married me and my husband said: no one ever goes to hell for a feeling. Feel your feels, but keep it to yourself. Also, babies are A LOT of work. I love my 7 month old, but I absolutely could not have done it by myself. You’re going to give birth, which is beautiful but very intense, and then you’re going to immediately be sleep deprived for 2+ months. You are going to need help. You just cannot raise a kid by yourself. There are theories humans evolved language because infants are so hard to take care of. Please don’t blow up your life. I suggest you write some poetry, write some journal entries, and then shred/burn them. Be kind and take care of yourself.
I would get counseling. This seems like the sort of issue a therapist is defined for.
When I was pregnant, I thought my 45 year old manager had a crush on me. 🤣 I was like 7 months pregnant and she kept helping me with shit when I was at work, like heavy boxes. One of my coworkers said she was acting like it was her baby. 🤣 my hormones were all over the place.
Hope this is a burner account
Agree. You will DESTROY your family. Are you sure it isn’t a case of Limerance?
Don’t say anything,it might fade over time. Others have also mentioned it might be hormones. So sorry 😩
That’s fked
You are not in love with her. You feel vulnerable and gratitude for her. And I’d guess that you haven’t experienced this often and therefore you are confusing it with love
Crushes pass. Keep it quiet, it’ll go.
This is something you have to die with. Don’t you dare say ANYTHING!
*blob meme*
I’m thinking it’s a combo of pregnancy hormones and a miss understanding of the comfort his mom gives you. Question. Did or do was/is have a relationship with your mom/stepmom/ grandmothers/aunts? How is it? The answer could be what’s driving this.
You need therapy. Nothing good can come of this otherwise.
Girl. What do you think will happen if you tell them?? What would the end goal be? Do you want a throuple with your husband and his mom? Do you think his mom will be with you? Do you want to be with someone who would betray their child like that? Do you think your husband will be ok with you “loving” his mom? Do you think your unborn child would understand something like this?
Gotta be pregnancy brain cause this makes less than no sense.
Oh shiiiit. I have nothing useful to say🥲
Keep your frickin mouth SHUT. Do not EVER say this out loud to anyone in your life. Like u/Aajmoney said… take that secret to your grave! This is a YOU issue. No need to blow up your life or his family for nothing. Just because you feel a certain way doesn’t mean you have to act on it!! It’s a part of adulting.
If you ever share this then you are a selfish POS. You make your affection for her motherly/friendship.
The well being of the life you create for your child is more important than your crush. What relationship you have with your husband matters more than your crush.
If you ever say anything you will destroy your marriage, the relationship your husband has with his mother and any stable home life your child had a chance at…..this last one is the one that matters most.
What you mean what do you do, you burry it deep and never act on it ever, get a grip and move on.
It might be a panic reaction. Getting married AND being pregnant is a big deal! Just roll with it. And don’t tell your MIL or your husband.
Why would you tell either of them? Create distance and focus on your marriage
It sounds like you have unresolved mother issues. That wound can cut really deep. I would address that in therapy. It’s true that you need love and I’m sure it’s true that she’s a lovely person. But that doesn’t mean you’re entitled to consummate this relationship.
There’s no universe where this ends well for anyone at all. You shove that feeling deep down and pretend it never happened.
It sounds like you are carrying a lot of guilt and confusion, and I just want to acknowledge how heavy that must feel. This reminds me of limerence, an intense and intrusive crush like attachment that can feel all consuming but doesn’t necessarily reflect your deeper values or intentions. It doesn’t make you a bad spouse, and it doesn’t mean you don’t love your husband.
You’ve already identified some important things. You love your husband deeply, you are pregnant, and his mom sees you as family. Acting on these feelings would only damage all of those relationships.
Now my take:
DO NOT disclose this to his mom or to him. Sometimes, it is healthier to process the feelings privately or with a licensed therapist instead of your partner. You don’t want to put either of them in an uncomfortable position or complicate the family dynamic.
I would treat this as a passing state, not a permanent truth. Crushes, especially limerence, often lose their intensity when you stop feeding them with attention and fantasy. Your hormones are also all over the place right now and will be for a while. Setting small boundaries, like limiting alone time with her and redirecting your thoughts when they start to spiral, can help.
At the end of the day, you have to sit with these feelings and process them, but UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WOULD I SAY ANYTHING TO ANYONE BESIDES A LICENSED THERAPIST.
Get over it. Get therapy. Do not act on this. This is self destructive behavior. Plus you’re already stuck because you’re pregnant. This is messy. Just admire his mother from afar because you’re about to blow up your life and hurt a lot of people.
You don’t do anything. You force yourself to get over it however you need to and never tell a soul.
I rarely say this but take it your grave. Outing it will make things worse and awkward. I would though seek therapy if you struggle to contain or navigate your feelings
Go to therapy is my advice. Please don’t tell anyone you actually know unless you trust them to take it to the grave
Maybe you want reddit to tell you you’re an adult, but to me you sound like the backstory of a bad porn vid. So I say, go for it! Seduce that future Grandma! Let’s see some baby golden showers! The husband comes home from work, and what does he see through the window? IS IT HORRIBLE? IS IT HOT? IT’S… WIFEY AND MOMMY GET CAUGHT!
Hey OP, first off—I just want to acknowledge how brave it is to put all of this out there. You’re obviously carrying a lot of guilt and confusion, and it makes sense you’d feel overwhelmed. Please don’t beat yourself up for having feelings—you didn’t choose them, they just happened.
That said, there’s a big difference between having feelings and acting on them. You clearly love your husband and your growing family, and the fact that you’re worried about hurting them shows where your priorities are. Acting on this crush would almost certainly cause irreparable harm, but choosing not to act protects your marriage and your child’s future.
Right now, the healthiest path forward is probably to keep these feelings to yourself—don’t tell your MIL, and don’t confess to your husband. Sometimes our brains latch onto attractions (especially in emotionally intense times like marriage and pregnancy), and they can feel overwhelming, but they usually pass if you don’t feed them.
If the guilt or intensity keeps weighing on you, consider talking to a therapist privately. Having a safe space to unpack this without judgment could really help. Also, try to shift your focus onto nurturing your marriage and preparing for your baby—you’ll probably find that energy naturally redirects itself.
You’re not a bad partner or a bad person for feeling what you feel. You’re just human. What defines you is what you do with those feelings. And right now, the loving choice seems to be protecting your relationship and family.
Sending you strength—you’re not alone in this. 💙
You keep that shit bottled up. And get help, this isn’t normal.
Damn girl! I think you got it all wrong! I feel like you’re probably just attracted to her, man.
Not a thing to gain from acting on this and/or telling anyone. It’s never going to be a reality and it’ll only ruin the good that you have.
Given time, the feelings should subside and you’ll probably be left feeling an extreme warmth towards your MIL.
Keep in mind there a big difference between a crush and long lasting deep love.
Consider that you have a crush on her because she reminds you of your husband…because she’s his mom. Never tell anyone this.
Girl, it’s the hormones. Hormones are CRAZY.
If you tell her she will stick with her son and they will both dump you. This isn’t a possible thing.
What the fuck lmao