Hi Reddit. I (26F) am struggling with some feelings I’m having over my best friend’s (24F) relationship. Now I want to start with I am genuinely happy for her. Idk if I would actually call this jealousy but idk how to deal with my feelings around this. Now this may end up long, so buckle in.
In July of 2024 (almost 10 months ago) I found out that my then fiancé of 7 years had been cheating on me with multiple women. We were supposed to get married in October 2024. That really messed me up and I’m honestly still healing from it. My best friend was there for me and always has been. She is a phenomenal friend and is the closest thing I have to a sister.
The thing I’m struggling with though is that her man is talking about shopping for a ring (about damn time – they’ve been together for 6 years and have a daughter together). I’m so happy for her and happy that her dreams are finally coming true, but I’m also sad because that was supposed to be me. I was so ready to start a family and be with my person for the rest of our lives but that’s so far out now.
I think I’m starting to struggle with this because that’s all she talks about right now and is constantly sending me wedding content. Am i a crappy person/friend for feeling almost jealous of her? I haven’t vocalized any of this to her, and have genuinely showed her that I’m excited for her. I’ve even participated in looking at wedding stuff with her and bouncing ideas off eachother. I’m not sure if I should tell her how I’m feeling or if I should just swallow my feelings and continue to support her. What should I do?
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Backup of the post’s body: Hi Reddit. I (26F) am struggling with some feelings I’m having over my best friend’s (24F) relationship. Now I want to start with I am genuinely happy for her. Idk if I would actually call this jealousy but idk how to deal with my feelings around this. Now this may end up long, so buckle in.
In July of 2024 (almost 10 months ago) I found out that my then fiancé of 7 years had been cheating on me with multiple women. We were supposed to get married in October 2024. That really messed me up and I’m honestly still healing from it. My best friend was there for me and always has been. She is a phenomenal friend and is the closest thing I have to a sister.
The thing I’m struggling with though is that her man is talking about shopping for a ring (about damn time – they’ve been together for 6 years and have a daughter together). I’m so happy for her and happy that her dreams are finally coming true, but I’m also sad because that was supposed to be me. I was so ready to start a family and be with my person for the rest of our lives but that’s so far out now.
I think I’m starting to struggle with this because that’s all she talks about right now and is constantly sending me wedding content. Am i a crappy person/friend for feeling almost jealous of her? I haven’t vocalized any of this to her, and have genuinely showed her that I’m excited for her. I’ve even participated in looking at wedding stuff with her and bouncing ideas off eachother. I’m not sure if I should tell her how I’m feeling or if I should just swallow my feelings and continue to support her. What should I do?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
What you are describing is envy, not jealousy. You don’t want her not to have it you just wish you did too.. And it’s perfectly natural.
If she is a really good friend then talk to her.. Explain you’re having these feelings but that you love her and are so happy for her but you’re just struggling a little.. Then get some therapy and work these feelings.. There will be many times in life where others get what you want and you can’t let it affect your mental health everytime.
Babe, it might take a bit longer than you think for you to get past such a betrayal, but you’re still doing okay. Be there for your girl – honest female friends are SO rare.
Two conflicting things can be true at once. In this case, those two things sound like:
“I’m so happy for my best friend that she has a wonderful relationship!” AND “I’m really sad that I don’t have something like that/that I lost what I thought was something like that.” It doesn’t have any negative reflection on your love and excitement for your best friend. It just means you feel and recognize both things simultaneously, and that’s okay. Even if you sometimes feel the sadness/upset stronger than the excitement sometimes, it doesn’t make you a bad friend. Be gentle with yourself.
this hit way too close. ur allowed to feel messed up about it. don’t gotta pretend u’re 100% okay all the time.
To give yourself some clarity, ask yourself how you would feel if the roles were reversed. Say your wedding was going ahead as planned, and she was the one suddenly single. Now say she said to you that it was hard for her to feel happy for you while she was hurting.
How would you feel?
What would you say to her?
What would you suggest she do?
Going through that role play in your mind might actually help you more clearly articulate how you are feeling and might guide you on how you handle it from here out.
I’ve done this a number of times and it’s genuinely changed how I feel about a situation, and how I handled the next steps.
Best of luck.
ngl i’d prob feel the same way. esp when u were that close to having all that. it’s not even about her, it’s abt what u lost. u sound like a good ass friend for even questioning this and still showing up for her.
Post from a typical liar