Met a classmate in my grad program about a year ago. We grew close over time—platonic dinners, walks, studying together. I found her attractive, but neither of us wanted a relationship, so I was happy with the friendship.
This summer our communication ramped up and I started seeing her as part of my closest circle. About a month ago, she made a move. I was hesitant, but she reassured me it wouldn’t change our friendship. We ended up sleeping together twice. After that, she started asking me leading questions about what I find attractive, which I read as her testing for romantic interest. Meanwhile, she was still casually dating on Hinge.
Since then, the friendship has completely changed. I went from getting frequent texts and seeing her weekly to waiting days for replies and barely seeing her at all. I’ve pieced together that she’s probably spending time with someone new. I feel hurt, jealous (even if that’s immature), and like I’ve lost someone I confided deeply in. I also feel disrespected—like when I asked her to grab dinner Friday, she didn’t respond until late Sunday with “I’m tired” and then tried to start a new convo.
On top of that, she encouraged me to get an STI test “for future encounters,” which I did, but now it feels pointless since she’s pulled away. I’m frustrated knowing I made that effort when she seems uninterested.
Emotionally, I feel wrecked. I was the one most hesitant about sex, but I actually enjoyed it and now keep replaying it in my head. I think I’d even be open to trying something romantic, but she has no idea. Instead, I feel like I’ve gone from close friend → closer friend → hookup → nearly nothing in just weeks.
So my questions:
- Do I just accept this wasn’t a real friendship and move on?
- Should I sit down with her and tell her how I’m feeling (friendship loss, possible romantic interest), or would that just come off obsessive?
- Is it better to do nothing and try to detach, even though waiting around for texts is driving me insane?
TL;DR: Close grad school friend for a year. Hooked up twice a month ago with the “understanding” it wouldn’t change the friendship. Now she’s slow-fading me and possibly seeing someone new. Not sure whether to talk to her, admit my feelings are hurt, or just cut ties.