F22 after years of praying for this moment. I’m swept with guilt and I feel like an idiot!!!!
I’m moving in the next 2 weeks, I’m renting a room in a house share and have it secured. Lovely house mates.
I’m slowly moving my things out of my parents house by filling my gym bag up and stopping by on my commute (bus) to college and storing it in my new room.
We have cameras so I’m weary, but on the last and final day I’ll get a taxi and load it up with the bigger things and the rest of my stuff.
I don’t plan on telling my parents until everything is moved out and I’m ready.
But why am I feeling so guilty, I’m laying in my childhood room and thinking what if I made a mistake? Things are “okay” for now, I’m still being gaslit everyday and what not but this is my mom being “nice” and I’m starting to feel bad as if I’m about to betray my family.
They drove me to this point, im tired of being a victim of my circumstances and I’m tired of my livelihood being based off their moods.
How can I stop this guiltttt please!
I literally thought of maybe triggering my mom so she can go off on me and revert to her usual more abusive self. Right now it’s on low
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You should make a note or journal of the bad events and look back it briefly it helps
You are entitled to live your life, you do not belong to anyone.
You are doing nothing wrong, just cut those people off for good and forever.
Try not think about past because it will not let live a good life.
Avoid them even they are dead. you will have a better day at work or in a park than to be at their funeral.
Those evils are going to hell forever and ever with no end.
i think it’s completely normal to feel how you’re feeling in that type of situation. no one wants to secretly move out of their childhood house because they can no longer tolerate how they’re being treated. it’s not normal to HAVE TO run away from the people who you should feel safest with. you’re doing what you need to do for yourself and it will be hard but as the years go by things will get better. you deserve to live a life for yourself and with autonomy. take it one day at a time and give yourself some grace to grieve and feel everything that’s surfacing.
Omg feeling exactly the same .. I’m trying not to think about it … my nfather booked me accommodation somewhere for a festival at the end of the year even though i didn’t ask for it .. and its making me feel guilty ..i told them no .. i can do things myself but of course they did what they wanted to and disregarded my feelings about my own life once again .. expect me to be grateful..and it ticks me off …i shouldn’t have to take their feelings into consideration.. i had said no .. that should of been enough but they went against me anyway .. .. I’m sure they’ll cancel it when i move out .. but who knows .. i am honestly exhausted by their behaviour they always do things in regards to me and im the last to hear about it … like they don’t think i have a life so they do whatever they want and expect me to go along with it …
It’s just the guilt eats at you …. You could try eating it back .. bake a cake..write “guilt” on it and then eat it .. no more cake no more guilt something to do with the noggin .. you know when those people tell ya to write something down then throw it away so insert word i can’t remember its like letting go of it .. freeing? I don’t know ..i did that once ..write it on a leaf and throw it on the fire in the firepit ..but cake is less dangerous.. haha .. if recording and keeping to watch / read later helps you to stay strong and see that you made the right decision then have it ..
I moved out when I was 21. And I told my mom. And I wish I hadn’t. Because she punished me for it every second of the time so I was better off dealing with the fall out later. So learn from me and know it would’ve been worse and it wouldn’t have mattered how much notice or how old you were or even why you were. It would’ve been a betrayal no matter what. Focus on that.
Don’t be guilty for things you can’t control. Nothing you could’ve said or done would’ve made a difference. Atleast this way you have your own space and can choose how to navigate it on your terms.
Accept the things you can control may not always be cut and dry. Better doesn’t always mean better for everyone. It’s your job to make sure better means better for you 💝 because I’m sure you’ve learned no one else will.
My advice? Let it go quietly. Because in the end, what do you have to be guilty for? You are 22 years old. I don’t care what’s going on at home, twenty two year olds are ALLOWED TO MOVE OUT. Millions of twenty something’s are getting trashed in dorm rooms hundreds of miles away from their parents without a shred of guilt in the world. You don’t need the shoe to drop to justify leaving, it’s already been dropped before. Don’t punish yourself so you can sleep at night, I’ve been there and it’s not fair. You’ve come so far making this much progress choosing you, don’t self sabotage that moment. Relish in it.
The guilt will always be a part of you, instead of trying to push it away let it be. Just fill your head with louder things to be proud of. You found a house. You’re gonna get to set up that room. You have housemates!!! That’s exciting. And YOU did that for you. None of this is your fault. There is no reason to even assign fault over a grown child wanting to move on and thrive, that’s unhealthy on their end. Let the guilt run its course, you shouldn’t have a shred but we’ve been programmed to feel it and fighting it makes it worse sometimes.
Just drown out the noise.
By filling it with your own. Give yourself credit when it’s due and allow yourself to hope and dream again 🥰 And one day, the guilt will be the tiniest whisper that even you can hear how silly it sounds 💝 ( but in the moments when it grows loud again, be kind and patient with yourself. Just keep remembering, you have nothing to be sorry for and you didn’t do anything to deserve the place they’ve pushed you to )
You feel guilty because morally you probably don’t lie or hide things and doing so messes with your integrity. Deep breathe it will be worth it
You are entitled to live wherever you want, for whatever reason after the age of 18. You are not an extension of your mother. You are not a servant of your mother- for tasks or emotions or otherwise. Moving out and becoming independent is the normal desire for someone your age and your mother is deeply unwell.