(MTF 24) have been dating my partner (M 27) now for 6 months. He has been incredible in every way. Attentive, caring, tender, very affectionate, kind and makes me feel very special. We see each other often, sexual chemistry is off the charts, He plans special dates, I’ve met his friends (and he’s met mine all of which approve) and will be introducing each other to some family members soon! I feel relaxed, safe and secure when we’re together and do not doubt he cares (always wants to listen / validate my feelings) i’m the first trans girl / person he’s ever been with / dated (he’s bisexual and has been with cis men and women as have I I’m pansexual). So far he’s only been very considerate and I’ve truly felt like he sees me. We check each others boxes to the T.
I’m an ex-polyamorous person, I was cheated on in my last relationship (a poly structure) and to say it broke me is an understatement. I’m very content with monogamy now (I believe I’m ambiamorous) and so it my partner. I’ve been having crazy sexual experiences (3some’s/multi-play, sex parties, BDSM/kink parties and explore almost each kink in the book haha) since I was 12. My partner has had 3some’s before but I’m the one whose more experienced/ showing him the kink ropes + encouraging him to be the most queer version of himself (which he loves as he’s felt like he had to repress that in past relationships).
Recently I took him to an event at a club that had a dark room night (also we were using several different substances). We’d talked about watching / being sexual with each other around other people. Once we got there he was excited to watch / wanted to go down on each other in front of people. He told me he didn’t realize how hot / exciting he’d find watching. He expressed while it would make him feel really insecure / jealous for me to date / sleep with other people he’d be open / into a 3some but only if I was involved / thought it was hot (something we’ve talked about since the start of our relationship). The next day I realized even 3some’s I wasn’t ready for and felt terrible saying so (as I thought that wasn’t a trigger). He agreed it would open too many questions / risks for the relationship, that he was on drugs and fantasizing bc of how sexual the atmosphere was that he was 1000% okay with our decision to not ever doing a 3some.
While he was extremely explicit with the fact that he just wants me and that I wouldn’t be taking anything from or disappointing him I keep getting this nagging feeling. I worry he will start resenting me (he’s assured he won’t) for my boundary after having given him a peak into this other world. That I am holding him back from exploring it the way I did and that I should breakup with him. Or that in the same way his past relationships made him feel like he couldn’t be fully queer that this one will stifle in the similar fashion for any ENM curiosity. I don’t think it’s fair to keep asking for reassurance when’s he’s done so a few times now I just don’t know how to navigate this and have confused myself.
Tl;dr in a monogamous relationship with BF and I use to be poly- we went to sex party and he was surprised how hot he found watching / being sexual around other people. Said he was open to 3some’s but nothing beyond it. Scared he’ll realize he wants ENM
All advice welcome 🙂