My brother is eight, and he’s forming his personality, and if I kill myself, it’ll probably fuck him up, so I’m just stuck.
I love my little brother. It might sound cold, but I don’t particularly care about my parents, or my other siblings. I don’t particularly care about how it affects my friends, so maybe I’m not much of a friend at all, but I can’t help what I feel. The only person in my life who I can say that I truly, wholeheartedly love, is my brother.
He’s more of a son to me. And maybe that’s weird. We’re only nine years apart. That’s weird, right? Teenagers are supposed to hate their little brothers, be annoyed and ignore them. But I’m not a very good teenager, I don’t think. I’m quite boring, quite adult. “An old soul”, so to say.
Enough about me.
My parents aren’t phenomenal (although nobody is) so I kind of filled in the role of a quasi parent. When he’s crying, I’m the one who soothes him, and when he has nightmares, he comes to me to stroke his hair.
My parents aren’t super emotionally available. So I’m there to fill the gap. Give him the love he needs to prosper. His only pillar of support.
So what is to happen when his pillar of support hangs herself? Seriously, I’m pretty trapped here.
If I pull away, or move out, or distance myself, that’s ANOTHER problem. Because then he doesn’t have anyone to lean on, and no buffer between him and my dad (who enjoys threatening him).
And he’d still have memory of how it was before. And that’s even more of an issue.
It’s just annoying. I don’t know what to do. Therapy isn’t an option. And telling my parents would just make the situation even worse.
🎺🎺🎺
(Womp womp womp)
Comments
Oh my goodness, you are in a bit of a pickle aren’t you?
How incredibly strong you are! Taking the brunt of the situation so your brother has a chance at a better life!! What an amazing person you are!!
Life isn’t easy, and to take on the troubles of your little brother, my dear you are a saint!!
If you can get your hands on the book Can’t hurt me, by David Goggins, would be incredibly valuable to you and your situation.
It talks about how life can be shit, but being mentally tough enough to overcome everything!
Be strong, you are a saint!
Baby , your life matters. Think about everything you haven’t gotten to do yet. There’s a world out there waiting for you. What is causing you to have these thoughts?
I have a 11 year old brother and i feel the same way. He is like a son to me and he is the only person i care. I have been having struggles since my childhood and i always want to end my life. Last year i was so close to finally end it but i could not let myself to mess up my brothers life. I do not want to give him any harm and i do not want him to live with a grieve. I can not do this to him. We need to find a way to fix our fcked up lifes. Because we can not let them down. I still feel exteremly depressed especially for the last couple of months. But i am trying to find a way to get myself together because other option is not acceptable.