I could really use some advice. I met my girlfriend back in freshman year of college. We had a strong connection from the start and were physically involved on and off throughout college, but I wouldn’t say we officially started dating until near senior year. Before that, we weren’t exclusive, and I had other sexual partners.
Fast forward four years—after graduation, she moved across the country to live with me, and we’ve been together ever since. We’re emotionally close, and we get along well, but lately I’ve been feeling unsure about where our relationship is headed.
Recently, I’ve noticed I’m not feeling sexually attracted to her the way I used to. She tries to be seductive, but it often feels forced or awkward to me. I find myself cringing instead of connecting, and that makes me feel even more confused and guilty.
A friend of mine just got engaged, and seeing how genuinely happy and in love he is made me reflect on what I have. I care about my girlfriend a lot—we’ve built a life together—but I’m starting to question whether I’m truly happy or fulfilled in the relationship.
I feel stuck. I don’t want to hurt her, but I also don’t want to keep pretending everything is fine. I’m just not sure what to do next.
TL;DR:
Dated my girlfriend for 4 years after an on-and-off start in college. She moved across the country to be with me, and we’re close emotionally, but I no longer feel sexually attracted to her. I feel guilty and confused, especially after seeing how happy my recently engaged friend is. I’m not sure whether to stay or move on.
Comments
Therapy is the key, but just so we’re clear:
> Before that, we weren’t exclusive, and I had other sexual partners
> A friend of mine just got engaged, and seeing how genuinely happy and in love he is made me reflect
You’re wayyy past the honeymoon phase, where physical attraction has died down, and relationships take a lot of effort. You need to get to the bottom of if this is a burnt flame, or if there’s more here depriving your attraction.
The key is to figure out of this is an issue with your relationship or just you. Meaning is it that the relationship isn’t good enough or is it a normal relationship but you just aren’t an LTR person.
Id recommend therapy so that you can work out what the actual cause is and avoid repeating this over and over.