Hello Reddit I’ve came at a cross roads with a problem at home with my sisters because they are legit driving me insane.
My mom chose to walk out on us 2 years ago and live in her home country. I’m still unsure what the true reasons were but my family was devastated. It was a lot to take in and so fast forward to now we’re living as if it was nothing.
I’m the eldest ( 22M ) and my brother and sisters ( 21M, 16F, 13F ) don’t want a role in at least maintain the integrity of the house. My sisters have a history of just trashing everything they come across and it has followed them all the way up to now with them not only trashing their room but helping themselves to my belongings ( anything for hair, combs, etc ) whenever I’m not around and as we speak I have food that was cooked at least 3 days ago and hasn’t been put away.
My brother he complains and complains but rarely ever tries to help. He’ll clean every now and then but it has come to a point he isn’t even around much. He attends a college on campus and only comes to do his laundry and head back to campus. He said he’ll take my sisters under his wing but obviously that’s a lie.
My Dad he’s trying but he just doesn’t care anymore and I can’t blame him. He has a girlfriend who helps but she even stop doing that because it’s ridiculous. I was just about to do the dishes and clean the house too and I stopped and saw the carnage of dishes in the sink alone.
I’m just not sure what to do. My Dad isn’t in the best position to move around much with a back injury he sustained at his job. The only thing he should be doing is moving around and resting.
For me I hurt my knees back in Thanksgiving on the job and I’m not suppose to be moving around. ( it’s bad but not intolerable bad I would sit down once I felt any pain ) Here I am asking for advice on a very strange situation I’m just not sure what to do.
Here’s an example of how I know it has gone too far:
Back in December was when my Dad had his injury. I guess it became something more than he could manage and we called EMS. This happened as I’m getting ready for a cruise ( my flight was 2-3 hours at the time and it takes me an hour to get to the airport ) the house was mildly a mess but when I came back it was worse. Bacon left out, eggs that were cooked on the stove, dirty pans, and that’s just the house I won’t mention their rooms they keep saying was “ cleaned “
EDIT: This is a throwaway but if there’s anything that doesn’t make sense from what you guys read please let me know and I can clear up any confusion.
Comments
At some point you will need to decide if you want to be the “parent” or a sibling. Don’t put to much pressure on yourself. Perhaps it is time to find your own place and start your own life. Good luck.
Do you have a specific question that you want advice on?
Can you go on your own ? You can offer to bring them but the gym need to live to your standards . You are showing them a better way if they do t take it shame on them …. But you control your own life so move on and let them know you did what you could … ❤️
Someone needs to delegate with a rotating “Must To Do” list. With extra big words, Clean up after oneself should also be posted around the house.
What are the consequences if they do not do their chores? Have any of you had anyone to talk to about your mother leaving?
You’re soon to have rodents and bugs
The troublemakers have to get their devices taken away until they clean up after themselves. If they keep going like this, they will be unable to become self-sufficient adults. What a shame, the mother spoiled them.
This is a tough situation and I think the only thing you can do is have a family meeting to discuss how not keeping up with simple chores is going to lead to rodents and ultimately destroy your home. Show them the hoarder cleaning videos on social media where people are cleaning bug infested kitchens b/c no one has left food to rot both in and outside the fridge. Your family may not be to that level YET but keep going and they will be. Are your sisters not concerned about having their friends see their home like this? Actually since both your sisters are minors, CPS could take them away to foster care.
Ask them do they want to minimize to only the essentials (like one glass, mug, plate, bowl, silverware for ONE person) and they are literally responsible for that? Do they just want to use paper plates and throw them away after every meal?
As for your sisters taking your stuff—that’s relatively normal sibling behavior. Can you put a lock on your bedroom and just keep your stuff in there?
The social media cleaners also have tips on how to clean. And should everyone just adopt the rule not to start cooking until the kitchen is clean and then clean as you cook. As annoying as it is, it is actually easier to clean up right after eating rather than saying you’ll clean “later.” Also, there’s the meme about how adult life is just about cleaning the kitchen every day.
What social or family services are available in your country?
If your dad can’t come in to exert some discipline, then it’ll be worth getting yourself out of there.
Also worth noting that you are all going to be in various stages of “grieving” about mum disappearing. Perhaps a family meeting to discuss this
I don’t envy you or your family.
It is generally easier for folks to bring others down than to lift them up. In this case, your siblings are winning this tug of war.
If you can’t lift them up, at least don’t let them bring you down. What I mean in this case is… don’t give up on yourself and stop fighting the good fight.
I admit this is MUCH EASIER SAID THAN DONE.
I’m not going to ask about the dynamics of the home – there is a reason your mom left. That’s not for this discussion, but it would help you understand why some of these lingering issues exist. Only by understanding that can you arm yourself with a strategy to use going forward.
Other than that… your dad has a lot of heavy lifting to do and quite frankly, that’s not on you.
You are the most importantly person in YOUR life. You have to be in a good place before you can help anyone else.
I sincerely wish you the best of luck.
Read “Let Them” by Mel Robbins & re-evaluate your situation. You’re a good person 🫂
Move out. Your dad is a grown man and has a gf and they can figure it out. If he isn’t willing to speak up and demand these moochers do something thats on him
You’re a grown man and don’t need to worry about everyone else. This is your time to shine. You don’t deserve the guilt because your mom abandoned everyone.
Godspeed
So if I am understanding this correctly it’s your two sisters who are the biggest problems and not contributing to the household chores. Put a lock on the door of your room so your sisters can not access anything you have. Put all the dirty dishes, including everything that they leave on the counters in their rooms on their beds. Take away any use of electronic devices, change wifi passwords until any and all messes they make are cleaned up by them. Do not do any of their laundry. Throw out anything they leave in the bathrooms into the garbage so that it cannot be retrieved and they will need to repurchase using their own money. Also tell them they have the option of going to live elsewhere you will just need to call CPS and have them put into foster care if any of this doesn’t work for them. Make sure you make their lives as difficult as possible.
That should wake them up fairly quickly.
Put a lock on your bedroom door for starters. Cook for yourself and keep non perishables in your room. Get a mini fridge for your room and a small microwave.
Treat common spaces like a hotel and your room a locked private space.
Do you share your bedroom , then buy a locker and keep your things in there.
İt’s your father’s home and it’s his responsibility to parent, not yours, and his back is no excuse. Maybe talk to him about everyone chipping in ( minus the under 18 ) to hire a monthly cleaner. İf they are aren’t willing then let it go.
I would suggest that your house needs a chore list, or at least a list of the minimum requirement (wash your dishes, clean up your cooking mess). You can devise it, but it will need to come from your dad. Maybe when he and his girlfriend are there you could bring them the list and ask him to have a family meeting and set this up. There will need to be some consequences for failure to comply, such as grounding, taking away personal electronics, or whatever they value.