It was my first time, and I told him that it’s something sacred to me (not in a religious sense.) He (has 8 bodies) said that he would do that for me, that he won’t care about his own pleasure. I told him I was down to experiment with oral and other things but I was not ready for intercourse. He said alright. We did things, and I noticed that he was pulling me closer and lifting my leg. I thought he was going to try some superficial play, like rubbing or grinding. So he asked if he should use a condom to which I was alarmed, but I said yes, you should. And he said “don’t worry, there won’t be intercourse.” I believed him, but he was still trying to get it in and it hurt a lot and I tried pushing it away (as I did with his fingers at first before since I’ve never done this, of course it will hurt) and he told me to “forget about this hand (mine)”. He ended up putting it in.
I panicked, but laughed it off. I left his house as soon as I put on my clothes. I told him, “did we not agree to no intercourse?” He threw his hands up and said playfully, “well, my dick took over my senses.”
I still kissed him, told him to take care, and left.
I’m not sure what to make out of this at all. I’m inclined to believe I had it coming since I was in his bed in the first place, and agreed to things.
He previously withdrew affection from me when I didn’t want him to go down on me, months ago.
Edit: I first thought the condom was for superficial play or something else. To my knowledge, it should be used whenever a penis is near a vagina because pregnancy can happen without intercourse. I was experimenting with all BUT intercourse. Since we both agreed to this, I had no reason to believe he would go against what he promised.
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What happened was not your fault and not okay. You clearly did not consent to intercourse and he ignored your boundaries and feelings. Agreeing to some sexual activities does not mean you agreed to everything. You deserve to be respected and safe. Consider reaching out for support you don’t have to face this alone.
Yo, this ain’t on you at all, OP. Dude massively crossed a line here despite you makin’ your boundary clear. Just because you agree to some stuff, doesn’t mean you signed off on everything. Consent isn’t an all or nothing deal. What he did was straight up wrong. Might be time for some serious re-eval on your relationship with this guy. Stay strong, sis. 💪🙏✊
Sounds like textbook virgin sex sounds exactly how my first time went except reversed
You set a boundary with your consent, you made it clear how you wanted to proceed. He violated your boundaries with the upmost disrespect and lack of care.
It isn’t your fault. It is his fault 100% for not listening to you after you made it explicitly clear how you wanted intimacy to proceed.
If this relationship continues, he will likely continue to ignore your boundaries and your consent. Especially now he has already broken them.
I hope you turn the asshole into the police.
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That is sexual assault.
You told him before hand that you didn’t want to have intercourse and he did anyway
You tried to push his penis away and told him it wasnt okay and he did it anyway
When he asked about the condom you told him you didn’t want to have full intercourse and he did it anyway.
You mentioned that you didn’t want intercourse after he did what he did and he said well my dick to over meaning: I know you didn’t consent so I did it anyway with the excuse that he couldn’t help himself. He can he didn’t want to.
File a police report bc he will do it again
What you just described is rape. You told him no intercourse. It doesn’t matter what else you agreed to. He put his penis into your vagina not just without your consent, but after you explicitly told him not to do that, he said he wouldn’t, and then he did it anyway.
We can argue all day about what you did wrong as far as not protecting yourself. But he raped you.
“I’m not going to put it in” means it stays outside.
That’s it. Period.
Your partner pretended like he respected your boundaries, but really didn’t. Please end this relationship.
This is rape if we take the story at your word.
Yeah you did put yourself in the situation but there were clear boundaries established up front and he violated those boundaries. That is the only fact that matters.
That’s not okay, and if you bore any fault it would be not being more firm in enforcing your boundaries. Which, because you are admittedly inexperienced, you couldn’t be expected to. The firmness of boundaries often comes about as a result of them having been violated. And that particular boundary had never been violated before, so you couldn’t have been as firm about it then as you undoubtedly will be in the future.
When he asked about the condom he may have interpreted your reply as consent, but reassuring you there would be no intercourse and then afterward saying “it took over my senses” that was a clear admission on his part that he knew what he was doing. I.e. intentionally disregarding your wishes.
My opinion is that he used assurances to placate you with the full intention of pushing past your established boundaries. The fact that he knowingly, consciously violated your consent makes this an assault in my book. I’m not trying to tell you to be any more or less upset by the experience, but consent and boundaries should be ironclad and NEVER betrayed.
If he had teased and played and you changed your own mind, that would be a completely different story. But that’s not what happened here. Sorry you’re dealing with this. I hope you have folks to talk to that can help you process and resolve any negative emotions you may have.
Oh, and this guy is not safe. If he’s willing to knowingly disregard your boundaries about something so important, he will absolutely disregard them on other things as well.
I think he expected you to be so into it that you’d stop caring about your previous boundary, which is sick. He’s the one that got carried away as he admitted, he disrespected your boundary and he did this during such a vulnerable moment. What an a-hole. I get if he thought your agreement with the condom meant yes, but he should have asked you. He even told you after he put it on “no intercourse” yet he proceeded to have intercourse with you. He pushed your hand away, and still put it in despite you pushing it away. He was selfish and inconsiderate, what a POS. Not even some after care??? This isn’t your fault, he took advantage for his own pleasure and impulses.
You set Boundaries, He Agreed to Them! He asked about condoms, you said yes BUT he said there would be not Intercourse! He Betrayed Your Trust & Raped You!! Talked to a Professional & ask a trusted friend or family member to go with you to the police & file a report!
Look for support groups for Rape Victims, they can help you process your trauma! Enroll in a Realistic Self Defense Class, it can help you build up your confidence!
Remember, no matter what you decide to do next, YOU ARE THE VICTIM!! SOON TO BE EX DID NOT FEEL REMORSE & IGNORED YOUR WISHES!! If any one says you’ll ruined HIS LIFE, he had no desire to Respect YOUR FUTURE, when He Said He WON’T Use a Condom Because There Would Not Be INTERCOURSE!!
OP, I’m sorry but this is rape. At the very least, please cut off contact with this
guypiece of shit. If you have a support system or someone close to you that you can trust, it may be a good idea to open up to them, if it feels right to you. What happened to you is absolutely not okay, and none of it is at all your fault. You were abundantly clear with your boundaries and what you were consenting to.If you want to, making a police report is a good idea. Even if they can’t/won’t pursue justice for you, it may help the next person he rapes to show a record of a pattern of this behaviour. This guy is a rapist and a piece of shit.
That was rape and it wasn’t your fault.
As a male, fuck that guy. Said one thing and did another. You set your limits and he exceeded them.
You did NOT have it coming! It was a violation of your autonomy.
You learned a lesson everyone eventually learns, all men are dogs. (and I’m not excluding myself from that designation). When he did not respect your wishes, you should have smacked him on the snout with a rolled up newspaper and left.
Now sure what advice you are looking for… there is not much to do but move on with lessons learned.
OP: I’m so so sorry. Please know that none of this is your fault. Please believe it because it is a fact. It’s perfectly normal for you to want to experience other things but are not ready for intercourse. I practiced foreplay for years before I had intercourse for the first time and that was my decision to make just like it is yours.
He’s experienced and knew exactly what he was doing. He knew he was raping you and did it without remorse. He knew he was robbing you of something you can’t ever get back and decided to steal it anyway. Even if he was a virgin himself he still would’ve known all of this. This was intentional rape and the fact that you agreed to foreplay does not excuse his actions. I promise you this. You made yourself very clear beforehand and he ignored it.
What he said after you told him about your agreement (after the rape) was an even deeper A**hole move. He completely disregarded you with that statement. It’s disgusting.
Please don’t talk to him anymore and report this. I hope you find it within yourself to go through with this and to please know that you did absolutely nothing wrong. Sending you a hug.
You should see someone in real life to talk to about this. If this was an adult, there should be consequences for what he did.
No means no. He crossed the line.
This was not ok. You said no. This is 100% on this piece of shit. You were assaulted.
If you haven’t yet, walk away and block.
Talk to someone.
Woah. You are not in the wrong at all. You trusted him and he betrayed you. You also can’t fault yourself for anything you did or didn’t do while this all played out. You were clear and he agreed. If you have an older brother or uncle, give them a bat and send them over.
How about getting up, putting your clothes on, and leaving at the very first violation? In the majority of these posts describing scenarios with consensual exposed genital contact, there were several steps leading up to the penetration where the woman could’ve stood up, got dressed and walked out. But instead women keep playing with relentless male sex drives and seem stunned when exposed male appendages end up inside uncovered orifices.
If you truly don’t want to end up having intercourse with someone, maybe don’t get naked and put your vaginal opening right up against an erect penis. Of course you’ll end up with insertion and I don’t see how that qualifies as rape or assault. You could’ve stopped at being braless and shirtless, left pants or under garments on and allowed touching or fingers only, made out, dry humping, hand jobs, blow jobs, ad infinitum, but if you seriously want to avoid intercourse, don’t tempt yourself or a man by going to the point where a penis tip is right at your vaginal opening. You and he both will find it difficult to stop. That’s very human in the most literal sense of being human. Why do that when you know going all the way to intercourse will be upsetting??? Don’t set up the circumstances for something you don’t want to do. Don’t get manipulated into setting up circumstances for something you don’t want to do.
None of the males in these types of stories are forcefully stripping clothing and immediately penetrating. The males are methodically taking it step by step and there are escape hatches at every turn or garment removal that the woman does not use.
I just can’t be an echo chamber commenter affirming SA in these consensual contexts. I’m sorry and I’m sure people will be mad, but these tales are nothing but playing with fire and someone gets burned. Keep your panties on or just gear up and go for it, but this odd, grey area, middle ground of “oops it went on in and I said no” is disingenuous when you said yes to bare genital contact. Say no and get up before panties come off.
Why would he need a condom if it wasn’t implying that you two would have sex? You said yes…this is why #believeallwoman is full of shit. Girls like you ruin peoples lives for being so oblivious and acting like you didn’t agree or know anything LOL
I’m sorry this happened to you. He should have respected your clear “NO” before the two of you even started anything physical. Him penetrating you after a clear “NO” is rape.
That being said, I hate reading or hearing about situations like this. They’re on Reddit daily. Being sexually active is a huge responsibility and has lifelong consequences. There’s only one way to guarantee intercourse doesn’t happen. Don’t put yourself in a situation that may lead to it. No matter how much you think you trust your partner, you don’t know how another person is going to react when their hormones are clouding their judgement. That doesn’t take away their responsibility to do the right thing, it just makes overcoming temptation that much more difficult.
Please wait until you are more mature to put yourself in these situations.
There’s a word for what he did. You certainly did not “have it coming.” Consent for sex can be revoked at any time. You were clear about not consenting to sex beforehand. He’s an awful person that thinks he’s not responsible for his actions. Even if you’d changed your mind and said you wanted intercourse, a good man would have said we probably should still wait. Especially with it being your first time. A good person wouldn’t want to be someone’s regret.