I (35F) had a moment of insecurity with my husband (42M) before he went to sleep, and even though we talked it through and everything’s fine, I can’t shake the feeling that just bringing it up created a new issue. He’s the first partner I’ve been with who doesn’t hold my emotions against me, which is hard for me to process given my past relationships.
In the past, when I shared something vulnerable, my exes would dwell on it for days, weeks, or even months. They’d often come back the next day saying it was still bothering them. So it’s taking time to get used to my husband’s approach — once we talk about something, he lets it go and moves on. He says he’s usually back to thinking about fun things with me the next day, and he doesn’t replay past conversations.
I’m in therapy working through trauma from a previous abusive relationship, and I want to break free of my old patterns. I trust my husband, but I’m struggling to believe that he genuinely doesn’t overthink things the way I do.
Anyone else experience this, where you worry your emotional expression creates new problems, even when your partner reassures you?
Has anyone been the partner giving the reassurance that can share some insight?
TLDR: I had a moment of insecurity with my husband, and even though we cleared it up, I’m worried that bringing it up is its own issue. He says it’s fine, but I’m having trouble believing it.
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Backup of the post’s body: I (35F) had a moment of insecurity with my husband (42M) before he went to sleep, and even though we talked it through and everything’s fine, I can’t shake the feeling that just bringing it up created a new issue. He’s the first partner I’ve been with who doesn’t hold my emotions against me, which is hard for me to process given my past relationships.
In the past, when I shared something vulnerable, my exes would dwell on it for days, weeks, or even months. They’d often come back the next day saying it was still bothering them. So it’s taking time to get used to my husband’s approach — once we talk about something, he lets it go and moves on. He says he’s usually back to thinking about fun things with me the next day, and he doesn’t replay past conversations.
I’m in therapy working through trauma from a previous abusive relationship, and I want to break free of my old patterns. I trust my husband, but I’m struggling to believe that he genuinely doesn’t overthink things the way I do.
Anyone else experience this, where you worry your emotional expression creates new problems, even when your partner reassures you?
Has anyone been the partner giving the reassurance that can share some insight?
TLDR: I had a moment of insecurity with my husband, and even though we cleared it up, I’m worried that bringing it up is its own issue. He says it’s fine, but I’m having trouble believing it.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
I’m not sure this is relevant, but I think it is. I’m in a wonderful, truly healthy relationship, much like you. I’m divorced, though, after a 30+ year marriage. When I got married, I was 22 and still living with my abusive parent.
It wasn’t until I got into my current relationship that I realized I’m not responsible for protecting my partner’s feelings. I don’t have to say the right thing to mollify him or keep quiet so as not to set him off. I don’t have to lie about anything because I’m worried he’ll get mad. He handles his own emotions and gives me peace, which I’m able to provide for him, in return.
I’m guessing this is what you’re not used to. Only having to manage your own emotions and not having reason for them to either get out of control or be hidden from sight. You get to just be your authentic self, and be loved for it, but also have to figure out who that even is. Let go and enjoy the journey, relish the peace, and appreciate the support your husband provides. You’ll get used to it eventually, but never take it, or him, for granted.