I am 28 weeks pregnant with my boyfriend’s baby. We’ve been together for 4 years and he’s broken up with me twice now. The first time was a year ago, his reason was that he felt like I was holding him back because I hadn’t moved forward career wise (he works in sales, I work in retail) neither of us have any college education, he got his job because of his cousin and I got mine because I didn’t have a car at the time and it was in walking distance and both lived with our parents at this time. He came back about a week later saying he shouldn’t have listened to his family, that I’ve been supportive of him through everything and that he loves me. Fast forward to the second time (I’m now in my own apartment and he still lives with his parents, both have the same jobs) shortly after I told him I was pregnant, he said that since he had to ask himself if he loved me, that meant he didn’t and that never really saw a future with me but he wants to still be involved in our child’s life. A few days of talking later he sends me a long paragraph saying he’s never stopped loving me, he was just scared but he’s ready to be the man that I need and that the baby needs. I tell him he needs to really know he’s sure this time because I can’t handle going through this again and because I refuse to put our child through this, he says if I need time he understands but he’s sure. Each time we both agreed that lack of communication has been the biggest problem, he tends to just shut down and throw himself into work, hobbies and friends and it just seems like once he gets into that cycle, he starts giving up on the relationship. I recently felt him shutting down again and instead of leaning in trying to talk things out I just told him that I’m going to give him space and focus on myself and the baby as to not overwhelm him more. I’ve done just that, I’ve left it up to him if he wants to talk about anything, I’m about to start some classes for a new job, I take care of everything around the apartment and don’t remind him of any of the things that we’ve agreed are his responsibility such as the litterbox and trash, he hangs out with other people nearly every night and I don’t say anything to him besides to be safe and have fun. This has lasted about a month and he’s only gotten farther away from me, we occasionally hug which I have to initiate but other than that no sort of physical connection, no conversations about anything important, still chooses to prioritize work and friends, I’ve seen a few notifications from a couple different girls and he just overall seems uninterested in me. I wanted to get a place together but him and his parents want me to move in with them for 6 months or longer so we can save money and prepare for our own place. I just don’t know what to do, I truly love him with all my heart and want a future with him but the stress and anxiety this has all put me through is too much especially now that it feels like there’s someone else. Im scared to leave because I’m barely making it by now, I have no idea how ill do it alone with a child even with the new career Ill be going to be going into, my lease ends on my due date, and I don’t want to spend a second away from our baby, I can’t imagine having to share custody. I feel like I am going crazy and like I’m missing out on the chance to properly bond with our baby and enjoy my pregnancy with the man I love. Please give me any advice.. how can I save this? Is it worth saving? If not, how do I do this on my own?
Im pregnant and my relationship is falling apart. What do I do?
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It seems you have the answer already, you just don’t want to change familiarity. Grieve the relationship, move on and stay safe and sane for baby. I have all hopes for you, you got this 🫶💕🫶
I take care of everything around the apartment and don’t remind him of any of the things that we’ve agreed are his responsibility
So you’re…bribing him into staying? By having zero expectations of him?
Get some self respect. End this relationship. Don’t settle for allowing a man to walk all over you, because you’re desperate to have someone.
Look, I know it will be incredibly hard to leave when you’re pregnant. But he’s never going to change and if you put up with him, you’ll be hurt, over and over, for the rest of your life – instead of freeing yourself up to find someone who truly loves you and feels lucky to have you. Not only that, but what sort of relationship do you want to model for your child?
Best of luck to you.
He’s totally checked out. He’s going out with other people and basically ignoring you while you are pregnant with his child.
He’s not going to magically change into the person you want him to be and you can’t make him love you or your child.
I’m sorry you are going through this.
“Don’t make someone have to show you more than once that they don’t want you”
Maybe he does love you, maybe he says he does just to avoid the inevitable, maybe he doesn’t love you at all. I don’t think anything on his end matters anymore in the grand scheme of things. He has shown you twice before that he is not committed to you, and now he is living his life in a way that disregards you and YOUR baby.
Because, just so you know, this is YOUR baby. It will be very, very hard for you to do what needs to be done to get to the other side of this, and what needs to be done is that you forget about him the same way he has done with you. You are going to have to shift all of your focus onto yourself and your happiness and what kind of mother you want your baby to have.
From now on, your boyfriend becomes your ex and he becomes someone that you distance yourself from, for the sake of yours and baby’s health. Since he is the father I wouldn’t block him or give him an ultimatum or “see how things go”. I would plan on building yourself up, building up your support system around you, and getting excited to begin your life with your little baby.
He is not interested in you, he is not worried about you, he is not showing you any sign that he loves you, and he is 100% not going to change. Not even for his child.
You already know you deserve better, I’m sure you have amazing memories with him and I’m sure that there’s a lot of great things he has done that we don’t know about. I also believe that those are what you’re holding onto and where your love lies. You know what you have to do, you can do it! Love yourself! Let go! Love yourself!
Ruthlessly squeeze him for child support. This kind of situation is why the courts are in women’s favor. If I were in your position I would give up on him completely and find single dads to try to date.
You probably already know, but you should be prepared to be a single mother. I doubt your relationship will survive this, as you already communicated what you need and your (soon to be ex?) partner has no interest in stepping up for you or the baby. I suggest putting him on child support and leaning into your network of friends and family for emotional support because clearly you can’t count on that coming from this guy. If he wanted to, he would–it’s that simple.
My mom got pregnant as a teenager, was engaged to my sister’s father, and broke off the engagement because he was neglecting her. She says it was the best decision she ever made. She eventually got remarried and had me and my younger sister. She’s a hero to all of us for that period of time in which she was such a strong single mother. She has such a unique bond with my older sister from their years alone together, too.
You can do this! Women are so amazing.
Given his lack of interest I doubt shared custody is going to cause you any issues. Getting child support might prove a problem though.
If he’s slacking off at home while your pregnant don’t expect anything to change when the baby arrives, in-fact he’ll probably expect you to do more
Do you get along with his parents? Are they going to be supportive resources even if you two aren’t together? What about your parents? You will need a support system because this guy is not gonna be it.
Honestly babe if after 4 years two break ups and a pregnancy if you haven’t worked out your relationship by now it’s looking very very very unlikely it will improve in the future .
Get him out of your space. Make some decisions around either going after child support and sharing custody or giving the baby up for adoption (since you’re not married, he would be hard pressed to stop you). You deserve to have a life, get an education, and get on your feet. Parenting is hard enough without a man child in tow.