It’s hard for me to even write this out because I’m so ashamed. I was sexually abused by my mom’s boyfriend as a kid, and it made me very hypersexual. I ended up getting pregnant when I was 14, and I gave birth to my son nine days ago. I’m 15 now and very overwhelmed by motherhood, but it’s worth it for my son. I love him more than I ever thought was possible, and he’s absolutely perfect, but sometimes I start worrying that I’ll abuse him too, especially when I’m nursing him or changing his diaper. I’ve never had any urge whatsoever, and the thought is so disgusting I hate myself for it, but it’s still a huge worry for me. It’s gotten to the point where I get so upset and panicked when I have these thoughts that I genuinely want to die. I go to therapy for my PTSD, but I’m so disgusted with myself that I can’t tell my therapist. I’m scared my baby will be taken away if I tell him. I don’t want to abuse him, and I never have, but I’m scared that I’ll somehow lose control and do something I don’t want to do. He’s such a sweet and perfect baby, and I would never do anything to hurt him, but something inside of me says I will, and I don’t know what to do.
I’m really struggling with intrusive thoughts about hurting my baby
r/Advice
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Just so I’m getting the full picture…
A.) So you don’t have any thoughts of hurting your child?
B.) Does the child’s father know of these concerns? If no, why not?
C.) Why do you believe that you will follow down your mother’s boyfriend’s path?
Having intrusive thoughts does not mean that you are going to harm your baby. The brain have a mind of its own and it thinks of the worst case scenario. The reason you are haunted by it is that you love your child. Having intrusive thoughts does not mean you will act out on them. You can tell your therapists and your child will not be taken away. What you can do is to psychologically distance you from your thoughts. If you resist or try to fight back against your intrusive thoughts, it will become stronger. There are a couple of ways to psychologically distance yourself from it. technique 1: when thoughts arise, say,” I notice that I have an intrusive thought that… it is not me it is my brain”. Technique 2 is to say thank you to your thoughts. Technique 3 is to sing the thoughts in a goofy voice. Technique 4 is to imagine your thoughts being blown away.
First of all I am so sorry. Second, I don’t know if this will help (but I hope it does) . But when you get these thoughts eg: “what if i accidentally throw him off the bed” view it from a third person perspective and think “Well that’s very unlikely to happen, and I will not do that because I am a good mother and I’m just keeping my baby safe” It also helps if you give these thoughts a name like it’s someone saying it to you. Like “thanks for worrying nancy , but me and my baby are safe.” Sorry idk if I worded it wrong but I hope this does help
You will not harm your child in this way. Your worries and feelings of fear indicate that you would never do such a thing. It seems that your mind is overcorrecting itself. You want so badly to keep him safe that you may be viewing yourself as a threat. This perception could stem from your past trauma and its effects on you, perhaps causing you to unconsciously connect yourself to your abuser. What happened to you was not your fault, and you will never be like him.
Dealing with intrusive thoughts can be painful and frightening, but the fact that you feel repulsed by them shows that you will not act on these thoughts. The next time you experience these intrusive thoughts, try to observe how they feel in your body. Remember that these thoughts are a normal coping mechanism and a part of your survival instinct to protect your children, not to harm them.
Who knew reddit could raise a child?
intrusive thoughts are a sign you don’t wanna do that !!! if they are more then intrusive then it’s a worry but it happens a lot cause you are 1.probably overwhelmed and 2.You are stressed and anxious about what the future will look like .i have intrusive thoughts that i will kill my cat somehow and it’s okay to talk about it since those are just brain functionings that have nothing to do with you or your personality!
Intrusive thoughts are ego-dystonic. You’re not alone. You sound very self aware.
My sister and I were sexually abused by our father and mentally abused by our mother.
My sister and I have children. My sister and I didn’t follow our parents’ choices.
It sounds like you haven’t healed from your abuse. I would work on that during counseling rather than your thoughts regarding your baby.
To me, you are still struggling with understanding how your abuse affects you. Once you understand that, you’ll understand your struggles with the intrusive thoughts.
You need to understand that 1) you are not your abuser. 2) you have the power to give your child a healthy, normal childhood. 3) intrusive thoughts don’t mean some desire for them to be reality.
They are actually normal after trauma and not just with victims of sexual abuse. A parent can get unwanted thoughts from any trauma.
When my oldest was 2, he fell off the couch and landed on his back. My then husband picked him up. My son wasn’t breathing. My son survived but I developed OCD from it.
I still get intrusive thoughts and even had nightmares about things happening to my kids.
My fears are what bring on the intrusive thoughts and they continue because I haven’t healed or seeked counseling for it.
Hopefully, this brings you some understanding.
Intrusive thoughts are almost always unacceptable thoughts and almost never lead to actions. Try to distract yourself and not worry about it. Thoughts are just literally random neurons firing and when you give them emotional attention, it just increases the likelihood they will happen again.
Intrusive thoughts like this may be a symptom of OCD. You need to speak to a healthcare professional.
My mother said she used to have thoughts about hitting us in the head with shovels when we were babies…. I think it is normal and important to remember alot of thoughts arnt grounded in reality and are just our brains way of expressing stress / other things.
Please contact the medical professional immediately and tell them this. This could be very serious mental health situation. You need to tell somebody who is in the Internet please
This is very normal and make sure you don’t beat yourself up over it
Uh uhh.
This is fucking insane
I have intrusive thoughts. They are intrusive for a reason, because they make you uncomfortable and you can’t control them.
I learned that my intrusive thoughts do not want to be acted out, but are simply trying to make me uncomfortable. So I will have sexual intrusive thoughts as well. But just bc we think these things, does not mean we WANT to think them and does not mean we will act them out.
You’re not a bad person and you’re ao young to become a mom. It was tough for me and I was 28 when I became a mom. If you ever get overwhelmed, you can put baby in the bassinet and walk away for a bit. Baby is safe in bassinet. If they’ve been fed, changed, they are warm, they will be fine in the bassinet even if they cry. Go take a shower, confide in a friend. I know you feel like you will be judged but I wouldn’t never ever judge you for the thoughts you cannot control.
Tbf you must make the distinction to yourself that you are having thought about what if you accidently do something to your child, these are not the same thoughts as something like “throw the child” and such, but these thoughts that you are having still cause you anxiety and fear, so I would try get any sort of therapy you can or are entitled to since you are a minor (depending where you live) you know you won’t try intentionally hurt your child.
The thoughts are just telling you what not to do. To do the opposite.
It may not mean much, but I’m proud of you. What you’re writing about is serious, and it took great courage for you to even write about it. You’re young, but you’re already so aware and loving your child. Although I’m not worried about your son, I am worried about you. You’ll find great advice and wonderful comments here, but I recommend you talk to your therapist. Sometimes we need to hear things face to face. That’s why I think you need to hear why this is happening and what you can do to stop it. Trust the one who’s supposed to help you heal.
Waves are not the ocean, thoughts are not the mind.
I am so sorry you are struggling. Sleep deprivation alone causes people to have scary or unwanted thoughts – it literally makes their brain work worse than before. And that’s not even accounting for recovering from pregnancy and childbirth, and taking care of a baby.
You need and deserve professional support – not just for your son’s sake, but also for your own. 💙
These intrusive thoughts may represent your fears rather than your actual thoughts. Whenever I was driving with my baby in the car, I would constantly have this thought that I had left my baby in the car and gone to work. It was constant. My body was telling me, “don’t forget the baby.”
Intrusive thoughts aren’t uncommon post partum and you can find help without disclosing exactly what intrusive thoughts you are having, tell the therapist you fear you might be having post partum depression or something similar and they will find you support.
I used to have thoughts of throwing my newborn down the stairs entirely unprompted and then I’d beat myself up because what kind of parent would ever even think of doing that to their child. I never did it, I never wanted to do it, my brain kept telling me I could and should, I have two happy healthy pre teens now and I have thrown them down the stairs a combined total of zero times.
Part of being a good parent is wondering if you are a bad parent, actual bad parents don’t care. Good luck OP I wish you the best of luck on this journey.