These last 5 years have been rough and I don’t know how to handle things.
Life was going good I was going to school and going to work full time.
Then the pandemic hit, and I developed agoraphobia and insomnia due to anxiety and basically never left the house for 3 or 4 years. I had a mental health episode and basically was barely awake from staying up so much or in my room, looking at my phone doing nothing else from 2020 until 2024. Didn’t speak to friends much either.
I’m still agoraphobic but doing much better, but I can’t function a normal life. Can’t work or drive but my parents drive me daily.
I’m 25 now and my only sibling just decided to move out and it hit me so hard. I won’t always be able to live with my parents and I will move out one day. Even now my life is changing forever and we will never be kids.
It will never be us 4 doing stuff together the same way again. And one day I’ll have my own life but I got so used to this life I am so scared to ever have that change.
For some reason, I was so in my mind focused on my anxiety I never put much thought into it that things will change.
I think I’m having an existential crisis. What do I do? I want to hug my mom and dad but I feel like I shouldn’t be so reliant on them anymore.
My parents want my sister and I to stay here forever too and that makes it even harder.
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You’re a victim of parents who thought they were raising kids instead of adults.
Hugs are good.
Change is the only constant in life. You will continue to evolve and change.
Focusing on the things that scare you gives them power. Focusing on things that you can control, recognize them and move forward a little every day.
You can control what time you get up in the morning, what you do with your day. Celebrate when you make choices that align with your goals.
You cannot control where others live, you cannot keep things the same. Honestly, you don’t want to.
It’ll be ok. Give yourself a hug.
Actually, it’s ok to stay living with your parents. Start taking responsibility for some of the housework and/or yard work. Begin shifting your relationship balance from parents and child to adults with different skills.
Sure, eventually you may move out, but it doesn’t have to be soon. Take that worry and put it aside. It’s not something you need to decide right now.
Concentrate on the things you can do, like helping around the house.
If you want to earn money, look into things you want to learn. How are you with languages? Do you know how to make videos? How well do you understand school subjects? Or do your talents lie more along the handicrafts line?
As you learn to do things, you’ll develop self discipline and confidence, and the phobias may become less significant in your personality. Talking to a counselor once or twice a month might also be useful.
Take things a step at a time, and you’ll find yourself moving more comfortably into this ner phase of your life.
I just want to commend you for the work it took to start moving forward in your life. I’m a bit agoraphobic myself. It’s HARD to face those fears and confront the world. You said that you’re doing much better… that’s AWESOME. The hardest thing for me is leaning on others when I’m struggling. I want to isolate and deal with my feelings on my own but it is absolutely the worst thing I can do. It creates a vicious cycle of fear and isolation and then I have to claw my way back into the world again. Hug your parents. Tell them how you feel. It’s normal to grieve when life is changing. You’re not alone. I’m sure your parents would love a hug. This is a big change for all of you.
I think you’re feeding into your parents’ vision of you not leaving and I think your parents are enabling you. It creates an emotional dependency and sort of enmeshment. Are you still in therapy? If not you need to be. You need to start actually thinking of what kind of like and quality of life you will have. You are not just going to “get your own life” one day. You have to make it. And right now you don’t have the tools to do that. You need to sit down with someone not your parents and create a plan for your life. How will you start driving? When? How will you start saving? Are you going to climb the corporate ladder or change jobs? When? Do you have a timetable? Do you have future plans? That kind of thing.
As for your sister, I’m going to be very blunt. You and your parents need to cope and accept reality. She had every right to move out. It’s her life to live, and she doesn’t need to take anyone’s feelings about things changing or not changing into account. She doesn’t need to pacify adults or people please. She did the exact right thing and the very best thing for her.