I’m a 24 year old female and I love with my 25 year old boyfriend. I’m not happy. We’ve always been a toxic couple. We’ve been together for 3 and a half years now. Every time I start to distance myself and he feels it he tells me that no one will love me like he does and that I’ll never stop thinking about him. We do love eachother but I know deep down I can’t marry him. I’m stuck. Also the fear of living alone and carrying all the finances on my own is so scary even though I know I can do it. Please tell me you guys have left relationships where you genuinely love eachother but weren’t compatible and have found better and actually moved on from ..
I’m scared to break up with my boyfriend
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It’s scary, but many have left toxic love and found better. You deserve happiness and can handle being on your own. You’re stronger than you think!
Sounds like you know what you need to do and know you can handle doing it. Maintain no contact so you’re not tempted to go back where you don’t really want to be. Best wishes.
It’s okay to leave if it’s not right. You deserve better and you’re stronger than you think
I had a long term boyfriend at your age and after dating for a year I knew we weren’t a good match, but we continue for several years. We were both always working on him and his goals of being a stable person. I knew we could never be married. When I would talk about how we are great friends but just don’t fit romantically or with life goals, he would say “how can you abandon someone you love”. It finally got to a point in which we had to just stop. I had to end the relationship and even moved to an entirely different part of our state to start over. My family was upset and my grandmother told me I was making the biggest mistake of my life because no one would ever love me like he did. (which was rough to hear, ngl)
So, I know exactly what you’re going through. Please don’t waste more years when you know it’s not a good fit. Sometimes the hardest breakups are when you are good friends but really not meant to be together.
I hear you it’s so hard to leave when love is still there, but being unhappy and stuck isn’t fair to you. Fear of being alone and handling everything is real, but you can do it. Many have left toxic but loving relationships and found healthier, happier ones. Trust yourself you deserve that too.
if another girl posted this, what would you say to her? exactly
I was married for 8 years
At 6 years old I was already very unhappy.
I had to end it and regret it
Mainly because I would have to bear the high costs of where I live alone.
Not being able to handle something new, which was being alone after so long
But it was necessary
It hurt a lot, it was very difficult in terms of finances but I managed to survive
The beginning really hurts too much
I think it’s worth it if you’re not happy anymore.
We always end up finding a way, you know.
Matter of survival
I was happy again 1 year later. I had wonderful new experiences that I didn’t imagine I would have at my age.
I met men who could date much better than him
Not right for me because deep down I like my independence
But I don’t regret the others after this breakup
And yes, I could be firm with one of them
And yes, it hurt, it was difficult, but today I see how good my decision was.
I was with someone for eight years that I loved very much in my 20’s. But it was a very bad situation. I left with the clothes on my back and thankfully I was able to reach my phone. That was about eight years ago, and a part of me will always love him very deeply. But I promise it is absolutely better to leave a toxic situation and keep good memories with you than drown in the sludge. It doesn’t get better. It only gets deeper and harder to get out.
I could be wrong, but pretty sure he’s trying to gaslight you into staying with him. He could just sincerely think you guys are right for each other, but there’s only two ways, manipulative or genuinely caring. Normally 3-6 months into a relationship is when people start to show their true colors, I didn’t see it until I got out of my relationship. Not saying stay away from your boyfriend lol, but it’s a possibility
Also, don’t have kids with them until they show true colors. If I can’t stand it mentally how dare I put my kids thru it?